The Have a Go Spaghettio! Approach to It’s Not Fair!

Children may feel frustrated, upset, or disappointed when they perceive that they are being treated unfairly, whether in games, at home, or in social situations. Saying ‘that's not fair!’ is a way for them to articulate how they feel. The belief ‘it’s not fair’ is driving those emotions according to the ABC Theory of Emotional (and behavioural disturbance). How strong are they? If children believe that ‘it’ whatever ‘it’ may be ‘is’ unfair, they may be applying a developing philosophy that is rigid in nature, that things ‘must’ pan out as it should. Anything deemed unfair, its unfairness, depends on how it is viewed, perceived, interpreted. Applying a ‘must’ rule, demanding that wants and desires are met immediately, will cause heightened upset. An attitude of preference over demand will allow the child to keep things in perspective i.e., this happening is uninvited but in the scheme of things its not a big problem. The thing that’s ‘unfair’ is received as an inconvenience rather than a catastrophe. In the counselling context the child will articulate: What happened and how they felt when whatever happened, happened. This will establish the A and C components of the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance. How ‘it’ is perceived at B of the ABC paradigm will affect the strength of feeling and the behaviour at C and the counselling session will focus on the B, perception part of the ABC theory i.e., how can we (re) consider an ‘unfair’ happening in a different way. The child and counsellor will set some agreed Success Helper goals to focus on as illustrated in the video, and its important for the child to know and practice the ‘I’m worthwhile crocodile’ Red Success Helper’ which teaches self-worth is unconditional and isn’t diminished by failure or the opinion of others.

The ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance Paradigm - Give It a Try Banana ...

This video is about the theoretical underpinnings of the early childhood Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper approach to psychological wellbeing. 

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), is significantly influenced by philosophical and psychological perspectives. The Stoic philosophers, particularly Epictetus, emphasized the role of beliefs about events in causing emotional distress informed the creation of REBT. Albert Ellis was influenced by existential philosophers like Heidegger and Tillich, who focused on human freedom and responsibility. Karen Horney's concept of the "tyranny of the shoulds," and Adler's work also influences Ellis' REBT theory. General semanticists, such as Korzybski, also influenced REBT, highlighting the impact of language on thought and emotions.

The Have a Go Deadlio! Success Helper approach to Social Emotional Learn...

This Have a Go Deadlio! video presents the First Nations version of the Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper Well Being Framework highlighted in previous videos. It embodies the thinking and ideas of Dr. Albert Ellis who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. The Have a Go Deadlio! incorporates the ideas of Deadly Thinking and Gammin Thinking. These are common terms used by First Nations people, Gammin to indicate nonsense type thinking and Deadly! which represents OK thinking, feeling and behaving. This video is made with deepest respect for FN culture and history with thanks and gratitude for welcoming me to their land on which I live and work. I live on unceded Kaurna Land. Always was ... #FirstNations #earlylearning #Kaurna #mentalhealth #schools #learning #counselling #Deadly! #Gammin #indigenous #education #AlbertEllis #rationalemotivetherapy #HaveaGoSpaghettio! #GiveItaTryBananaPie!

Franklins Bad Day - why does Franklin feel sad and why is he acting out ...

What's up with Franklin? He's throwing his clothes about and disobeying his parents. His

 friends come by and he's discourteous towards them. He goes to his room and accidentally

 knocks over a block building he and Otter made. He cries in frustration and his dad comes

 in and asks Franklin why he feels so sad and angry. Otter has moved away he tells his

 father, and she was his best friend. Dad understands now why Franklin feels sad and he

 decides to apply his Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper knowledge to help Franklin deal

 with this unfortunate event in his son's life.

Albert Ellis and Shithood

Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) said that embedded irrational habits of thinking can place one in a state of 'shithood.'

Known for his linguistic flair, his colourful turns of phrase drove home the REBT message that how we think about things can determine how e.g., upset we become or our state of 'upsetness' as he would say. 

Our 'upsetness' and the 'shithood' it places us in, Ellis suggests, is self-imposed to a large degree. If we believe, irrationally, that people and things beyond us, 'give us the shits' as it is commonly claimed in my neck of the woods, then, could it be caused by our own Sustained Habits of Irrational Thinking Syndrome? Do we give ourselves 'the shits?'

The Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper approach to wellbeing helps early childhood students understand how we contribute to the degree of our own upset experienced in most cases and this is done by engaging irrational, Success Stopper, Brain Bully habits of thinking that lead us up the garden path to Ellis' unsavoury place of personal misery and upset!

Children are acquainted with their thinking nature, and rational, Brain Friend, Success Helper thinking is encouraged. They learn:

- thinking, feeling, and behaving are connected
- Success Helper, Brain Friend thinking is helpful
- Success Stopper, Brain Bully thinking is unhelpful

Ellis invites us to introduce the principles and practices of psychotherapy via REBT and CBT into early childhood teaching and learning. Have a Go Spaghettio! is one way to do this. Give it a try banana pie!

Albert Ellis

     

Arthur the Dog is not chosen!

Arthur is an ordinary brown dog nobody wants to buy from the pet shop. He tries to be every other animal in the shop yet he’s still overlooked for the snakes, birds, and rabbits. He realises in the end that he’s a dog and he accepts that fact.

This story is analysed through the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance lens as per the Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper approach to psychological, emotional, and behavioural wellbeing.

The ABC theory offers a way of considering the emotional and behavioural dispositions of characters and how they relate to thinking or perception of events. Children can think about what’s happening to a third party and make connections to their own lives. So Have a Go Spaghettio!

My name’s Brain Bully and I really can do your head in!

My name’s Brain Bully (BB) and you most probably don’t know me and that’s a problem for you. Why? Because I am a major player in how you might feel about yourself, others and the world in general.

BB represents irrational belief constructions which don't allow the child to 'see' things in there true (rational) perspective. 

Have a Go Spaghettio! Give it a try banana pie!

Behaviour management or behaviour education?

Behaviour management or behaviour education? Some children need more external guidance, parameters set and reinforced by the adult mentor as they are yet to have developed the internal means to regulate the self especially in challenging situations.

But the end goal is to help young people develop the capacity to manage frustration successfully, to succeed at school in all facets of their learning and interactions, and to deal with disappointment in a healthy manner.

Dr. Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) said the future of psychotherapy is in the school system and he invites us to apply his ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance principles in daily teaching practice. Ellis' paradigm teaches how thinking, feeling and behaving are interlinked and that events of themselves don't determine how we feel and behave as our habits of thinking has something to do with it. Do we tend to think in rational ways or do we have a more irrational slant on happenings in our lives?

Rational thinking is called Success Helper or Brain Friend thinking and irrational thinking is called Success Stopper or Brain Bully thinking. Each is linked to a different emotional and behavioural response to events. These ideas are introduced via the Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper approach to Social Emotional Learning (SEL). 

It teaches young learners that the belief constructions we build in our heads can either be helpful or unhelpful. This insight can help our young learners work towards developing a more internally placed locus of control and improved frustration tolerance.

The Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper Chart for Early Childhood

This is a short video about a an approach to teaching the fundamental principles of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy to young learners in early childhood. It's tried and tested and many early childhood teachers say it is well received by students. Teachers relate that students pick up the language readily and enjoy the songs that reinforce key concepts.

Albert Ellis, the creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy said:

"l read your presentation on 'Have a Go Spaghettio!' a resilience building program for young learners. It seems to hit the spot and be excellent for your young audience."

Give it a go (Spaghettio!) and let me know how you goeeoh!

 

Ms Prudence Putty-Nose Needs an Ambulance

Ms Prudence Putty Nose wanted to impress her colleagues and her line managers, to demonstrate her dedication to her job and to illustrate just how much of a hit she was taking for the good cause.

She pondered a while and considered how she might best get the attention of the esteemers and sycophants, her narcissistic suppliers, to keep her fragile ego buoyant.

She had been under a fair bit of pressure as she'd been planning the demise of a colleague whose position she coveted and as her line manager also wanted him gone, they concocted a plan to get rid of him. Deceit and unethical collusion with co conspirators was a debilitating and tiring endeavour but it could be used to her advantage. So what did she do?

She gathered her close and trusted sycophant others to her office and declared she had been feeling dizzy and needed to lie down. She suggested she may need an ambulance as she had been under a fair deal of pressure. They pandered to her of course and diligently phoned for an ambulance. There was much ado about the traumatised patient as her buddies milled around her ministering to her poor ailing self.

Initial concern gave way to scepticism and doubt as to why this all came about. Was she really sick? Was it a ruse to attract attention?

Maybe she was under the weather but a few close to the situation suggested it was all an attention seeking exercise. She bounced back rather quickly and after the ambulance left and she had been treated she perked up and felt much better. This was all part of the expensive ruse to demonstrate her special person status, that she was a cut above the rest and people should know this. Narcissistic supply at the taxpayers expense!

Her line manager responded as planned and a few brownie points were accrued and noted. Yes, she was in the good books so to speak as she played protégé to her line manager mentor. Together they would concoct a plan to get rid of the thorn in their side, their nemesis, the bloke they didn't like.

Ms Putty-Nose of course is a composite of characters one meets along the way, people who you negotiate as you trundle on trying to get a job done, to support children and their families.

Ms Putty Nose was not without peer like Dodgy Dan  Doodle, another FIGJAM contender and of course there was good old Roger Bent who would present with all manner of physical contortions and mental gymnastics to please and appease those whose approval he needed. Knots and contortions, tangles and tears. Get me to the physio!

Ms. Putty Nose would spend a lot of time feeding and nurturing her narcissistic suppliers and all hell would break loose if, quelle surprise!, they rescinded their goodwill or forgot their daily salutations at the altar of Priestess Putty Nose. Tears might be the order of the day or an hour or two of in office sulks. Look at moi!!

She would buy them gifts on the schools dime, and they would be strategically placed around the place to signal to those on the outer that only those who played the FIGJAM game would qualify for preferential treatment.

The job though is not what's important, it's whether or not one is on side or not. Those who are independent and don't need the needy amongst us better be vigilant, as Ms Prudence Putty Nose types are out there ready to undermine and vilify them to get what they want.

Ms Putty Nose, Dodgy Dan Doodle, Roger Bent and others of their ilk are dedicated types and committed to their own health, wealth and happiness. The hangers on and wary others who sit at the periphery ponder what to do in a system that encourages and enables the Putty Noses of the teaching and learning world to dance their merry dance!

I need an ambulance, those nasties aren't paying me enough attention!!!

These are fictitious characters and any resemblance to people living or dead (or seem that way or who smell a bit off) is absolutely and utterly coincidental. 

Doing is Not Being! REBT and General Semantics

A global rating of another's worth is when a quality or characteristic or behaviour is abstracted from all the competencies and traits possessed by an individual and is then used to assess a person's entire personhood. For example, deciding a person is 'bad' because they do something we don't approve of e.g., they didn't wave back!

When discussing this with a teacher colleague, she notes that there are several fellow educators she works with who label some students in negative global rating terms, suggesting that ‘that’s the way they are’ and that they will not change.

These observations concur with my own experience as a teacher and counsellor, where a ‘fixed mindset’ mentality affects how some teachers behave towards their students, projecting a conditional acceptance of the other attitude, defining student worth in a negative way.

The word is not the thing. Alfred Korzybski

Albert Ellis, who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, spoke of unconditional other acceptance, the belief that a person's essential worth is unconditional where one quality, 'good' or 'bad' cannot define them. Similarly, Carl Rogers spoke of unconditional positive regard for the other person. 

What's the point of this and how does it relate to teaching practice? 

We have been taught via feedback that we can 'be' whatever someone deems us to be, unintentionally perhaps, in total ignorance but we have internalised these irrational and debilitating ideas as they are reinforced as a matter of course through language.

Consider the expression 'why are you angry? Can't you calm down!' This may be said in an empathic or in accusatory fashion or otherwise but what does it mean?

I've worked with kids who believe they are their anger, that their total being is characterised by this unacceptable, in their eyes, affliction that they shouldn't have. There's something wrong with them and they feel guilt and shame and extreme sadness. 

We are not the word assigned us Alfred Korzybski of General Semantics theory reminds us. The kid 'is' not 'an angry' kid but a person who feels angry at times. 

Hi there! 

It is advised that as mentors to others in the capacity of educator or parent we pay attention to what we say and the possible meaning it may convey; are we asserting you 'are' a 'bad' person for doing what you did e.g., swear at someone, or a person who did what can be assessed as a 'bad' thing. Doing is not being!

Food for thought.

 

The Word is Not the Person! General Semantics

Alfred Korzybski of General Semantics says that we ought to be more thoughtful about the language we use and to be mindful of the messages we are trying to convey. Too many and inappropriate words can confuse understanding and he suggests that we develop a scientist sensibility (Korzybski, 2000) for listening. He talks about creating a verbal pollution free zone by asking three questions that encourage specific answers. They are:

1. What do you mean?

2. How do you know?

3. What did you leave out?

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, created by Dr. Albert Ellis, incorporates Alfred Korzybski's ideas in his approach to psychotherapy and can be applied in counselling practice when working with young students.

Mary is an early childhood student who is not travelling OK. The teacher says she is self-critical and doesn't want to do things. 

We talk about Brain Friend and Brain Bully thinking. BF makes OK feelings and behaviours and BB causes us to feel not OK and we don't act as we could e.g., to try new things

We talk about Mary and how's she's been feeling and agree they are not helpful feelings she feels. She also says that she hasn't been doing her work and the teacher is wondering why. We talk about how BB thinking could be making her feel bad and she says she thinks 'I can't do this. I'm dumb.'

Maybe BB is tricking her into believing that she is totally dumb and hopeless. So, we say out loud together, 'I am dumb and hopeless.' We agree that it’s a Brain Bully way of thinking and so we decide to work on this together and we use the questions introduced above starting with #1

What do we mean?

We both answer this together and say things like 'because I am too scared to try, I am dumb and stupid.' Then we ask ourselves the question:

How do we know?

We say 'we are stupid because we are too scared to try. The teacher says we are not progressing and she tells mum she feels concerned so it must be true.' We think this kind of thinking is Brain Bully trying to trick us. We say together, 'BB is trying to trick us,' so we ask ourselves:

What did we leave out?

We talked about all the things we can do and made a list and we agreed that this proves we can't be totally dumb and just because we might feel worried about failing at something it is not true to say we are no good and that we shouldn't try.

We said that we'll work at the things we aren't so good at but we'll try to remember all the things we can do which we forgot to remember!

The word is not the person so why can a child believe they are the word 'dumb' when all the evidence suggests otherwise?

Food for thought.

 

My Toy is Broken and So Am I!

Dr. Albert Ellis uses the term ‘upsetness’ to describe a persons’ emotional discomfort when something unwanted has occurred. He says the intensity of the person’s ‘upsetness’ is not caused directly by the event or happening itself. Of course the event has a bearing on the emotional and behavioural outcome but that’s not the whole story.

Dr. Albert Ellis, creator of REBT

A young 7 year old student at my school was out of sorts; crying and quite inconsolable. After a while when he had gathered himself a little, we began to chat about what had happened. His favourite squishy toy had a small puncture and it was oozing its white fluid contents.

He clearly saw this as a significant unwanted occurrence that initially triggered extreme emotional discomfort. Why did he feel as he did? Or more specifically why was his emotional response to the situation so extreme?

Firstly, why is the child’s emotional response considered extreme? We can agree that the child was feeling upset but perhaps that may not best describe the intensity of his upset. A word that comes to mind is ‘distraught’ to describe his emotional state and this would register pretty high up on the emotional thermometer, where upset might rate lower.

The Emotional Thermometer

To feel annoyed or upset is, according to REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy), a healthy negative emotion in that it doesn’t render the person incapable of going about their daily business. The situation would be deemed a minor inconvenience rather the catastrophe it appears to be in this case. Distraught, conversely, is regarded as an unhealthy negative emotion in that the person experiencing it may be disabled for a while; so upset they can’t go about the normal day to day things they would ordinarily be doing.

So why ‘distraught’ and not ‘upset?’ REBT describes a habit of thinking called ‘catastrophising’, where the person believes that what has happened is indeed a catastrophe; the worst thing that can ever happen! This is true for this young child, as at that moment in time he believes that the fact his squishy toy is broken is so awful a happening that he cannot abide the reality (to him) that it has happened.

Dr. Ellis explains when a person has constructed a belief that ‘things must always be as I want them to be’ and that it’s ‘not fair when they don’t and that it’s the worst thing that could ever happen!’ they will find themselves feeling distraught rather than upset when things go awry. Indeed, it may be so bad and awful (awfulising) that it cannot be tolerated (Icantstandititis!). It may be or become a characteristic of that person’s general disposition; something peculiar to him.

Ellis believed we are the architects of our own misery or happiness because we construct the beliefs that underlie our emotional and behavioural dispositions. If it is that this young child is constructing a self-defeating belief like ‘things must always be as I want them to be’ how can this be addressed? What can the educator, carer, counsellor do?

Constructivism

If we accept that our young students’ emotional and behavioural responses to unwanted events is due to his developing (in construction) beliefs about how the world ‘should’ work then we may be able to help him deconstruct and rework those ideas and perspectives to accommodate a more rational world view.

After the young person had gathered himself we talked about the possibility that even though his broken toy constituted a major disruption to his life, could he help himself feel better now and if other ‘bad’ things happen again?

• v  We established that what happened was true (a fact) i.e. his toy was broken.
• v  We agreed that we both thought the toy was broken and that others would also agree with us.
• v  We talked about what he thought about what happened and decided that this was not true for everyone; not a fact, because different people would think differently about it.
• v  We talked about other bad things that can possibly happen e.g. hurting his leg, his dog falling ill etc. and we constructed a list of possible problems. We constructed a catastrophe scale.
• v  We talked about where the broken toy event fits in the scale and we agreed that it registered far below other more serious possible happenings.
• v  We agreed that his broken toy event was not the worst thing that could happen and it wasn’t a catastrophe.

We wrote down old thinking and new thinking as follows:

• v  Old thinking: ‘My toy is broken and it is the worst thing that can ever happen. It shouldn’t have happened and I can’t stand it.’
• v  New thinking: ‘My toy is broken but there are other worse things that can happen. This is not the worst thing can ever happen and I can stand it’ (I accept it has happened).

Old thinking: Distraught. New thinking: Upset

The young person would have to work on himself because his default position is ‘things must be the way I want them to be’ but as time goes by and he works hard to remind himself, the ‘distraught’ emotional events will become rarer as he reconstructs his new, more robust way of thinking and believing! 

What is Brain Bully? How do you teach it?

Early childhood is where the action is! Little children catch on quickly to ideas which are quirky and amusing. Just look at the Wiggles and their enduring popularity with the younger folk. Tap into their sense of the ridiculous and you have something to work with.

Mr Chin is a character who doesn't finish his jobs. He stops himself because his Brain Bully thinking tells him 'it's too hard.' The video explains what Brain Bully is and how to teach it using the experiences of Mr Chin.

This 7 minute video is for the younger children and suggest ways their parents and carers can help them learn that their thinking, feelings and behaviours are all interconnected. Have a look :) 

Arthur Is On the Spectrum

I am a school counsellor and one of many great delights of my working day is the opportunity I have to work with students in the 'special class.' This term will mean different things to many people but to me 'special' is the time I get to spend with children from ages 5 -12 who present with a range of predispositions and learning and developmental needs.

One such student who is on the autism spectrum, will often seek me out for a chat as we call it. I might say I seek him out just as much because it is always a fun time. We met recently over an issue that he had been dealing with which I will refer to in a moment.

On the way to our meeting place we will speak casually about things and then Arthur will burst out laughing about something obscure but which connects to what we are saying but as yet I'm a step behind on the pick up!

On this occasion he asked if he could chat with me and we got onto all the different words we could think of that had a similar meaning to 'chat.' Like 'yarn' or 'let's have a yarn' which he was familiar with and he chuckled when we said the words accentuating our Aussie nasal twang! I introduced him to the word 'blather' a Scots word which has similar meaning to chat and yarn. I put on my best Scottish accent and said 'C'mon Arthur let's have a wee blather!' More chuckles. 'Heart to heart,' and 'chitter chatter' were also terms raised and which Arthur found amusing.

Arthur though was dealing with an issue of great import to him and his family and he found himself in psychological and emotional knots over the prospect of moving house. Arthur tended to overthink things to the point where it would effect how he felt and acted. As quickly as we had joined in laughter before his face was now transformed as his thoughts returned to what had become a rather large problem for him.

We had over recent years talked about how our thinking is connected to our feelings and actions and that we can make ourselves more upset than we need to be. Arthur agreed that many of his 'trains of thought' were leading up the wrong  'railway track' if I can use a railway analogy here. He knew his thoughts were unhelpful or Success Stoppers as we would call them. Brain Bully (his thinking) was making him uncomfortable; sad, angry and scared.

*Brain Bully (*Success Stopper) thinking can be challenged by evidence and his catastrophe scale told him that there were many worse things that could happen. We talked about the positives of his family moving house and he began to feel a little more at ease. He understood that changing his estimation of how bad his situation was, changed the way he felt about it. Arthur is an expert at self regulation and these yarns we have help him to re calibrate his thinking, fine tune his 'mind motor' which gets him back on track. 

Of course he will return sometimes to the black and white thinking world that will bring him temporarily undone and it is then he realises it's time for another 'wee blather' where again we visit a more rational world where the many shades of grey demand that we adjust our 'thinking sails' to the prevailing 'winds of change.' 

Arthur is learning that when he cannot change a given situation he can change his perception of it. And this is a very positive thing I tell Arthur and he says 'thanks for the yarn' as he chuckles his way back to class!

*Brain Friend/Brain Bully and Success Helper/Success Stopper thinking are copyrighted terms used in the authors resource materials 'Hav a Go Spaghettio!' and  'People and Emotions.'

Building Confidence - accepting oneself unconditionally

Even the most competent and composed amongst us will say how we have battled or continue to battle our inner demons of self-doubt and low self-worth. Some would measure their self-worth against goals achieved and how popular they are with others. This kind of ‘confidence glow’ can be temporary if one is inclined to put all of their psychological well-being eggs in the same ‘self-esteem’ basket. Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, famously stated:

‘Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to personkind because it’s conditional.’

We condition ourselves when we rehearse and re rehearse certain ingrained thought constructions that are unhelpful or helpful to us. Ellis claims, and I agree, that if a person’s self-worth is contingent on how others regard them or how well they do at tasks it can be very harmful. They will feel OK or not OK depending on which way the self-esteem winds blow! This is what Ellis called conditional self - worth, how one esteems oneself when they are approved of and when they do well; self-esteem.

What then is the psychological antidote to the self-esteem scourge? How do we start to help those students whose confidence waxes and wanes in response to the approval of others?  Perhaps it would be useful to note some of the consequences of coming down with a bout of the dreaded self-esteem bug – approvalitis!

People who conditionally accept themselves are much more likely to experience mental ill health than not. Why? They tend to put all their faith in how others value them and if this isn’t forthcoming they feel down, undervalued, and disapproved. They might say to themselves:

I’m worthless.

No one likes me.

I’m a failure

… Etc.

If a person’s significant other withdraws her friendship and approval this can have an adverse impact on her. The fact that she has been unfriended is a fact, there is evidence to support this conclusion. However the belief that this then means she is worthless is a position that can be challenged. It is here that the teachers and counsellor’s work begins because the goal is to help her understand that her worth was never given to her in the first place so it can’t be taken away. She has constructed these ‘thinking rules’ so she can deconstruct them if she works hard at it. The question is how? As Eleanor Roosevelt said:

‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’

Another question is if she gives another person consent to make her inferior how does she know she is doing this? The job is to help her understand that whilst others may reject her in fact, it is a myth to then believe she is worthless because she has been rejected. It is the goal of the educator to help her replace her fragile self-esteem belief with the more robust and evidence based unconditional self-acceptance habit of thinking. This will not change how life unfolds but it will lessen the impact of unwelcomed events will have because she is more psychologically robust. Dr. Jonas Salk who developed the polio vaccine talked about the idea of psychological immunisation:

“If I were a young scientist today, I would still do immunisation. But instead of immunising kids physically, I’d do it your way. I’d immunise them psychologically. I’d see if these psychologically immunised kids could then fight off mental illness better. Physical illness too.”

Constructivism explains how people acquire knowledge when they interact with their environment. Knowledge doesn’t exist somewhere outside the individual to be absorbed but rather it is co - constructed between the subject and others in various contexts. The idea is to acquaint the student with this idea; that they have constructed the beliefs that inform what they do and how they feel in response to life’s challenges. If they feel anxious or down then they may well be tethered to a self-esteem belief i.e. conditional self – acceptance. I will refer to one who thinks this way as a ‘self - esteemer.’ We want to challenge and change this ‘thinking rule’ to unconditional self-acceptance (USA), a ‘self-accepter’ rule.

I have posted many blog posts which suggest ways in which we can assist students develop unconditional self - acceptance e.g. Psychological Immunisation and Little Jack Horner and here I offer another suggestion. This is a lesson I developed to teach students about constructivism and how it relates to USA. These ideas can be used with students from mid – primary onwards.

First establish what unconditional self-acceptance is e.g.

When we accept ourselves unconditionally it means that anyone’s opinion of us (good or bad) is just that, an opinion and cannot define our ‘total’ selves because we are made up of maybe hundreds of different traits, qualities and characteristics none of which alone can describe us totally. We all make mistakes but we are not totally bad. The positive qualities still remain. In other words we are not our mistakes just as we are not our successes. We are just worthwhile no matter what! We want to help our students develop the ‘thinking rule’ that; ‘what I think of me is more important than what you think of me.’ This is not an arrogant position but one which is supported by what we know about ourselves and how well we accept what we know about ourselves to be true and factual.

Next hand out enough white and yellow Lego blocks to groups of two or three to construct a small wall.

Ask the students to do the following:

Please build a wall that best reflects what we know unconditional acceptance to be. Remember we can make mistakes and we may have qualities that aren’t perfect but in the main we are all OK. The white blocks represent our positive qualities and capabilities and the yellow represent those things we can work on if we choose.

•  Some may construct a wall predominantly of white bricks and a few scattered yellow ones.
• Others may have different ideas e.g. a wall constructed solely of yellow
• Others may construct ones completely white.

Encourage the class to consider the various construction’s and ask them to explain why they have made their walls as they have e.g.

Which wall best represents the idea that we are not perfect but that we are always worthwhile?

If yellow bricks represent things that we are not so good at what does a wall made of all yellow bricks mean? Is this true?

What are we thinking if our wall is made entirely of white bricks? Is this possible? Can this be true?

We want our students to see what ‘worthwhile’ looks like. If they accept what is represented by the wall constructions they can see that no matter what they are always OK (represented by option 1 above). They can then start to practice the belief of unconditional self-acceptance. It may just be a daily reminder to think e.g.

‘I will make mistakes but I am not a mistake.’ Or

‘People may not like something about me but I have hundreds of good qualities. I am not their opinion.’ Or

‘What I think about me is more important than what others think about me.’

Option 1 indicates a healthy appreciation that a person has many more positive qualities and attributes than negative ones and may regard those as areas for improvement. This reflects a rational view that even when we make mistakes or others think ill of us we are always OK. This is the hallmark of the ‘self-accepter.’

Option 2 represents a view that ‘I am not OK. Most or all of me is not good, therefore I am not good.’ This wall construction is an irrational idea because it denies the preponderance of positive qualities that a person has. It is important to provide evidence to a person thinking this way that this is not a true and accurate self-worth picture. This self-view represents the beliefs of a ‘self esteemer.’ This belief underpins a tendency to feel down often and/or anxious because this person believes that she’s bad/hopeless/unlovable.  

Option 3 suggests that there are people in the world who are perfect. This is an errant perspective that cannot be supported with evidence. Is there a person for instance who has never made a mistake? This belief causes anxiety and depression if such a view is held by a person who strives to always e.g. get 10 out of 10 for a test or who could never handle any kind of constructive advice because this would mean that she wasn't 'perfect' and then others would see how 'bad' she is and that would be a 'catástrophe!

Remind your students that we construct our beliefs just like we construct a wall. Our ‘thought walls’ are made with the bricks we think are the right ones. What we believe to be true can be helpful or unhelpful and believing that we are always worthwhile is true and if we don’t believe this we can mentally deconstruct the old wall and build a new one that best represents who we are!

We are ‘self-accepters’ and we build strong and powerful ‘thought walls!’

Not perfect but strong!

It's My Privilege To Be a Teacher

It's been been a while since the last post and life continues to unfold often as planned and anticipated and at other times in a tangential manner. We seem to have a trajectory in mind, a vision how things might pan out, a virtual template to guide us on our way. Things don't (why should they?) always go as imagined but ain't that the spice of life? The odd happenstance from left field (where did that come from?) will issue forth a challenge to meet and negotiate, an invitation perhaps to reach beyond yourself. Or indeed it may be an unanticipated delight that stops you in your tracks and lays a subtle smile across your hitherto sullen (feels that way) countenance.  The odd curve ball that's hard to lay a bat on and strikes you out before making a play! The tee off goes awry and your 4th golf ball goes off into the rough never to be seen again and it's only hole 2 of 18! Shut up already with your sporting analogies I can hear some say. OK I hear you!

So you've decided to feel miserable and resent that today is a day where you don't want to go to work but you have to! You know the joke where the mother is trying to get her child to get out of bed? You know where she says you have to go to school because 'You're the teacher!' That kind of day.

Then you arrive at school and automatically you start to do the intuitive things that have made up your routine forever it seems. And you are soon in the groove and you control what you can and your only expectation is to expect anything. Ain't that the way of schools? Of teaching? Of learning? Of life? Of course it is and why should it be otherwise I ask? To do so might suggest a view that perhaps all should or indeed can go the way I want it to go i.e. My Way! Now that rings a bell ...

But it is folly to assume that all will be fine. I recall my dad telling me of the ass you and me become when we make assumptions about how things should be.

Then you begin to take in the sights and sounds and feel of the place as you stroll along the corridors and poke your head into the classrooms and engage with colleagues and students and slowly you are reminded why it is you get out of bed in the morning.

You see:

• Students skipping to greet their school mates in the yard as they discard their school bag somewhere approximate to where they line up
• The teachers in a shared unit with other helpers and volunteers preparing breakfast for all children, especially for those that have had none
• The parent/carer who has to rise in the wee hours to get her child who has special needs ready for school and who offers a big smile as she drops her off at school and hurries on to work
• The students who spontaneously hug their teachers in a genuine gesture of affection and respect
• The smiles exchanged between students and their peers and between teachers and their students
• The teachers who meet to talk about the day, to share ideas - readying themselves for teaching and learning
• The teachers who treat the child who seems not to be able to shake off those persistent nits in her hair or who showers and dresses the child who has slept in the same clothes for several nights
• The teachers who put a food hamper together every week for struggling families and who will deliver it after hours if need be
• The teacher who has spent 3 hours after school has ended on the phone to authorities to get support for a child who is at risk going home
• The student through silent tears who trusts you enough to tell you of the heartbreak and pain of missing his dad who suicided only two years ago and how he has resolved to be the best he can be
• The child who starts crying because she is reminded she won't see her dad for a while because he is in jail and how her mum will go into the bathroom and sobs on the bathroom floor (and she cries again) whilst big sister makes tea
• The teacher who says 'I'm getting through to this child at last. She's beginning to smile again!'
• The child who as a five year old would bang his head on the floor to articulate the pain of abuse and who two years later smiles more often than not
• The child who begins to understand that he isn't bad for doing bad but is always worthwhile

As the day unfolds we engage with students in many ways in different situations and as it ends we are reminded why it is we get out of bed in the morning. Because what teachers do matters to our young charges. We are challenged to respond to their needs at every level and in doing so they teach us more than we can ever teach them. It is a privilege to be a teacher and to be accepted into their young lives.

This is a note I received today from a student and teachers get many such gifts in the course of their teaching careers. These words in a note of appreciation from this young person is one major reason why I get out of bed in the morning and it prompted me to write this.

The 'What If?' of Learner Engagement - intellectual stretch and Rational Emotive Behaviour Education

DECD (Department of Education and Child Development) hosted a day of professional learning for the Montague partnership of schools. There were about 400 people there at SFERA's (a conference centre in Modbury, South Australia)

The topic was on learning and teaching in general and how we as teachers can challenge and change personal philosophies on learning. How can we engage students more to enhance their capacity to see discomfort as something essential for building on existing knowledge and capabilities; to realise new meanings and understandings. Guest speakers used many interesting terms to put across similar ideas like:

• 'intellectual stretch' - raising intellectual demand of the task
• to bring students to the 'edge of their thinking'
• encourage self directed questioning
• Mind growth - develop the 'psychological muscle' to hang tough
• Metacognitive strategies to 'enhance the ability to solve complex, unfamiliar and non-routine tasks.'

Professor Martin Westwell spoke eloquently and very humorously about how a learning task can engage learners more with the 'what if?' type of question. He used the example of the alimentary canal. What is it? What does it do? and other 'what's the answer' questions. What if there's no answer at this point! The professor gave the example of a student who asked 'what if there was no bumhole?' You can imagine how this would have inspired noisy mirth but the question if acknowledged would generate excited speculation and the children would take intellectual flight in all directions! This link will expand on these and other ideas presented on the day. Leading learning in South Australia, DECD

Professor Martin Westwell

So what do students know? What will they learn? Intellectual stretch for me is cognitive, emotional and behavioural struggle. Dipping ones learning toe in the waters of uncertainty and discomfort and becoming immersed in a world of authentic and new learning- appreciating that engagement in learning involves struggle and adventure and builds the psychological muscle and memory for the future.

There are many schools which have adopted a whole school approach to helping students develop the personal capacities to better engage in learning. It is based on a counselling model and is a psychological muscle builder. It reflects strongly the ideas put forth in the literature and discussion of the day. It is Rational Emotive Behaviour Education and it helps children develop an A+B=C philosophy i.e. How I feel and behave at C is linked to how I think at B - the think feel do connection.

So how do we caringly throw children into the deep end of learning, where they will struggle to attach new concepts to old? When do we back off our tendency to 'over scaffold' learning and to travel the conservative road of safe routines and predictable learning content? When do we take away the stress inducing need for finding the right answer when there are questions which haven't been asked yet - what if?

What if?

These questions are raised for us to ponder? What if?