Shouldhood and Unsanity

‘Shouldhood' causes upset or increases the intensity of what, Albert 

Ellis calls, our ‘upsetness.’ The degree of ‘upsetness’ caused by our 

tendency to think in ‘shoulds’ is what Ellis also calls ‘shithood:’ 

‘shouldhood’ leads to ‘shithood ‘ psychologically speaking.

Sometimes we might ‘should’ and stop and rethink our ‘shoulding’ 

reminding ourselves that to demand we should get something we 

can’t get is futile. So, we recalibrate, shift our thinking to a more 

logical, rational posture.

However, if we indulge in ‘should’ thinking on a more permanent 

basis, where we continue to demand that things should, absolutely 

be as we demand they should be, then ‘shithood’ is where we end up 

until we understand how thinking effects how we feel and behave. 

The world is no good, others are no good and/or you are no good 

equals ‘SHITHOOD!”

‘Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.’ Shakespeare (Hamlet)

The Have a Go Spaghettio! approach to social and emotional 

learning teaches early childhood constructivists that they can build 

and cultivate rational habits of thinking or what Have a Go 

Spaghettio! calls Success Helper or Brain Friend thinking. Students 

are taught about the Think – feel – do connection, that helpful, Brain 

Friend thinking makes Brain Friend feelings and behaviours.

Brain Bully thinking is characterised by should/ought/must thinking 

that causes Brain Bully feelings and behaviours. Some examples of 

BB thinking:

- You must like me or I’m worthless!

- I must always do well or I’m a failure!

- The world should give me what I want or it’s not fair!

Have a Go Spaghettio! Is based on Rational Emotive Behaviour 

Therapy and General Semantics theories that say one cannot be what 

we think we should be according to others to be an OK person. 

Relying on others approval is a Brain Bully construct (I should be as 

others say I should be – good, smart, cute, dumb etc)

Alfred Korzybski, creator of General Semantics theory, talks about 

sanity and ‘unsanity.’ Brain Bully thinking causes ‘unsanity’ where 

the person resides psychologically until they identify, challenge, and 

change their beliefs to more sane, rational, Brain Friend beliefs. I 

think the state of ‘unsanity’ is Albert Ellis’ condition of ‘shouldhood’ 

both characterised by  irrational, Brain Bully beliefs. Unsanity, 

shouldhood leads to shithood!

So, Have a Go Spaghettio! will help young learners avoid the 

ravages of ‘shoudlhood’ if they learn about Brain Friend, Success 

Helper ways of thinking and if they arrive in ‘shithood’ at times they 

will know they are there and why and will be able to extricate 

themselves and manage adversity in a reasonable, Brain Friend 

thinking way!

Give a try Banana Pie!

 

Have a Go Spaghettio! Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy and General Semantics

 

Have a Go Spaghettio! teaches children that something about them,

'good' or 'bad' doesn't define them in a global sense. Yet, they/we

learn to abstract something, be it a competency or quality, from the

many that constitute the 'self' under construction, and decide it 'is' us,

we are it! Hence, children can start to think of themselves as

good/bad, cute, dumb, ugly etc. Emotional and behavioural upset

experienced by the young child, according to Rational Emotive

Behaviour Therapy theory, on which Have a Go Spaghettio! is based,

is linked to irrational, Brain Bully/Success Stopper thinking.

 

The belief we can be dumb/smart etc. is what General Semantics

calls a 'semantic disturbance,' where the persons upset is caused by

mis interpretations, mis perceptions.

 

Brain Friend thinking is taught via the Have a Go Spaghettio!

approach to social and emotional well-being which says the person

cannot 'be' a word ascribed them by themselves of by others. This is

'I'm worthwhile crocodile' thinking/believing or unconditional self-

acceptance as described by Dr Albert Ellis in his REBT theory.

Albert Ellis said the future of psychotherapy is in the school system

 and Have a Go Spaghettio! does that. The future is now!

 

Alfred Korzybski's quote below inspires these sentiments and influenced the work of Dr Ellis.

#HaveaGoSpaghettio #Giveitatrybananapie #earlychildhood #Imworthwhilecrocodile #education #teaching #learning

The Have a Go Spaghettio! Approach to Teaching Success Helper, Brain Fr...

This Have a Go Spaghettio! video is a review,

reminder that rational BF thinking can be taught

explicitly in the teaching and learning context.

Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour

Therapy, says the future of psychotherapy is in the

school system. With the Have a Go approach, it has

arrived in early childhood learning.

Rational thinking is that which helps us get the

results we desire or prefer. It accommodates the

reality that sometimes we may not get what we

strongly desire to have; people to like us, to do well

at tasks, reach our goals. This needn’t be

catastrophic unless we believe it to be. The BF

belief we are OK even if others think otherwise is a

rational perspective on the worth we apportion to

our ‘self,’ i.e., we are worthwhile because we exist

not because someone else says we are!

We can help children develop this habit of thinking

so it becomes intuitive, automatic, and deeply held.

Some children will be constructing such a belief

others may not be but psychological resilience

against harmful and intrusive irrational thoughts

depend on this type of belief construction.

So give it a try banana pie!

The Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper Approach to Bullying

The Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper Approach to SEL

embodies the thinking and ideas of Dr. Albert Ellis who created

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. His ABC Theory of Emotional

Disturbance is a counselling paradigm used universally to help

people navigate their way through life. Here we consider Bullying

and how we can best address it as educators in the early childhood

context. Jonas Salk hypothesised that we could psychologically

immunise our students so that they develop optimum positive mental

health. We again revisit the red 'I'm worthwhile crocodile!' habit of

thinking which underpins personal agency, assertion, and overall

confidence. This video puts forth how the Rational Emotive

Behaviour Educator can foster, encourage, and reinforce a mindset

that will empower the young child in dealing with challenge,

particularly with bullying. Have a go Spaghettio! helps to

psychologically immunise our young children against the scourge of

bullying as suggested by Jonas Salk, Martin Seligman, and others. As

Dr. Albert Ellis says, the future of psychotherapy is in the school

system. So Have a Go Spaghettio! and 'Give it a Try Banana Pie!'

The ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance Paradigm - Give It a Try Banana ...

This video is about the theoretical underpinnings of the early childhood Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper approach to psychological wellbeing. 

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), is significantly influenced by philosophical and psychological perspectives. The Stoic philosophers, particularly Epictetus, emphasized the role of beliefs about events in causing emotional distress informed the creation of REBT. Albert Ellis was influenced by existential philosophers like Heidegger and Tillich, who focused on human freedom and responsibility. Karen Horney's concept of the "tyranny of the shoulds," and Adler's work also influences Ellis' REBT theory. General semanticists, such as Korzybski, also influenced REBT, highlighting the impact of language on thought and emotions.

The Have a Go Deadlio! Success Helper approach to Social Emotional Learn...

This Have a Go Deadlio! video presents the First Nations version of the Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper Well Being Framework highlighted in previous videos. It embodies the thinking and ideas of Dr. Albert Ellis who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. The Have a Go Deadlio! incorporates the ideas of Deadly Thinking and Gammin Thinking. These are common terms used by First Nations people, Gammin to indicate nonsense type thinking and Deadly! which represents OK thinking, feeling and behaving. This video is made with deepest respect for FN culture and history with thanks and gratitude for welcoming me to their land on which I live and work. I live on unceded Kaurna Land. Always was ... #FirstNations #earlylearning #Kaurna #mentalhealth #schools #learning #counselling #Deadly! #Gammin #indigenous #education #AlbertEllis #rationalemotivetherapy #HaveaGoSpaghettio! #GiveItaTryBananaPie!

Albert Ellis and Shithood

Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) said that embedded irrational habits of thinking can place one in a state of 'shithood.'

Known for his linguistic flair, his colourful turns of phrase drove home the REBT message that how we think about things can determine how e.g., upset we become or our state of 'upsetness' as he would say. 

Our 'upsetness' and the 'shithood' it places us in, Ellis suggests, is self-imposed to a large degree. If we believe, irrationally, that people and things beyond us, 'give us the shits' as it is commonly claimed in my neck of the woods, then, could it be linked to Sustained Habits of Irrational Thinking Syndrome? Do we give ourselves 'the shits?'

The Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper approach to wellbeing helps early childhood students understand how we contribute to the degree of our own upset experienced in most cases and this is done by engaging irrational, Success Stopper, Brain Bully habits of thinking that lead us up the garden path to Ellis' unsavoury place of personal misery and upset!

Children are acquainted with their thinking nature, and rational, Brain Friend, Success Helper thinking is encouraged. They learn:

- thinking, feeling, and behaving are connected
- Success Helper, Brain Friend thinking is helpful
- Success Stopper, Brain Bully thinking is unhelpful

Ellis invites us to introduce the principles and practices of psychotherapy via REBT and CBT into early childhood teaching and learning. Have a Go Spaghettio! is one way to do this. Give it a try banana pie!

Albert Ellis

     

An Early Childhood Student Presents with Pervasive Sadness - could it be depression?

Have a Go Spaghettio! introduces psychotherapy into the early childhood school and classroom. Albert Ellis advocated for the application of REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) in daily teaching practice. This acquaints young learners with their thinking nature as constructivists who are forging their own ideas about how the world works. The closer their constructed ideas reflect the reality of how the world works, the better they are equipped to navigate the road ahead.  

Success Helper thinking supports SH helper feelings and behaviours. Unconditional self-acceptance. the idea that there are no conditions attached to our worth, is represented by the 'I'm worthwhile crocodile' Red Success Helper. It helps young ones maintain a positive sense of self especially when things don't go so well for them. 

Have a Go Spaghettio! 

The Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper Chart for Early Childhood

This is a short video about a an approach to teaching the fundamental principles of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy to young learners in early childhood. It's tried and tested and many early childhood teachers say it is well received by students. Teachers relate that students pick up the language readily and enjoy the songs that reinforce key concepts.

Albert Ellis, the creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy said:

"l read your presentation on 'Have a Go Spaghettio!' a resilience building program for young learners. It seems to hit the spot and be excellent for your young audience."

Give it a go (Spaghettio!) and let me know how you goeeoh!

 

It's My Privilege To Be a Teacher

It's been been a while since the last post and life continues to unfold often as planned and anticipated and at other times in a tangential manner. We seem to have a trajectory in mind, a vision how things might pan out, a virtual template to guide us on our way. Things don't (why should they?) always go as imagined but ain't that the spice of life? The odd happenstance from left field (where did that come from?) will issue forth a challenge to meet and negotiate, an invitation perhaps to reach beyond yourself. Or indeed it may be an unanticipated delight that stops you in your tracks and lays a subtle smile across your hitherto sullen (feels that way) countenance.  The odd curve ball that's hard to lay a bat on and strikes you out before making a play! The tee off goes awry and your 4th golf ball goes off into the rough never to be seen again and it's only hole 2 of 18! Shut up already with your sporting analogies I can hear some say. OK I hear you!

So you've decided to feel miserable and resent that today is a day where you don't want to go to work but you have to! You know the joke where the mother is trying to get her child to get out of bed? You know where she says you have to go to school because 'You're the teacher!' That kind of day.

Then you arrive at school and automatically you start to do the intuitive things that have made up your routine forever it seems. And you are soon in the groove and you control what you can and your only expectation is to expect anything. Ain't that the way of schools? Of teaching? Of learning? Of life? Of course it is and why should it be otherwise I ask? To do so might suggest a view that perhaps all should or indeed can go the way I want it to go i.e. My Way! Now that rings a bell ...

But it is folly to assume that all will be fine. I recall my dad telling me of the ass you and me become when we make assumptions about how things should be.

Then you begin to take in the sights and sounds and feel of the place as you stroll along the corridors and poke your head into the classrooms and engage with colleagues and students and slowly you are reminded why it is you get out of bed in the morning.

You see:

• Students skipping to greet their school mates in the yard as they discard their school bag somewhere approximate to where they line up
• The teachers in a shared unit with other helpers and volunteers preparing breakfast for all children, especially for those that have had none
• The parent/carer who has to rise in the wee hours to get her child who has special needs ready for school and who offers a big smile as she drops her off at school and hurries on to work
• The students who spontaneously hug their teachers in a genuine gesture of affection and respect
• The smiles exchanged between students and their peers and between teachers and their students
• The teachers who meet to talk about the day, to share ideas - readying themselves for teaching and learning
• The teachers who treat the child who seems not to be able to shake off those persistent nits in her hair or who showers and dresses the child who has slept in the same clothes for several nights
• The teachers who put a food hamper together every week for struggling families and who will deliver it after hours if need be
• The teacher who has spent 3 hours after school has ended on the phone to authorities to get support for a child who is at risk going home
• The student through silent tears who trusts you enough to tell you of the heartbreak and pain of missing his dad who suicided only two years ago and how he has resolved to be the best he can be
• The child who starts crying because she is reminded she won't see her dad for a while because he is in jail and how her mum will go into the bathroom and sobs on the bathroom floor (and she cries again) whilst big sister makes tea
• The teacher who says 'I'm getting through to this child at last. She's beginning to smile again!'
• The child who as a five year old would bang his head on the floor to articulate the pain of abuse and who two years later smiles more often than not
• The child who begins to understand that he isn't bad for doing bad but is always worthwhile

As the day unfolds we engage with students in many ways in different situations and as it ends we are reminded why it is we get out of bed in the morning. Because what teachers do matters to our young charges. We are challenged to respond to their needs at every level and in doing so they teach us more than we can ever teach them. It is a privilege to be a teacher and to be accepted into their young lives.

This is a note I received today from a student and teachers get many such gifts in the course of their teaching careers. These words in a note of appreciation from this young person is one major reason why I get out of bed in the morning and it prompted me to write this.

When Students Are Our Teachers

Teachers beginning their careers will be challenged in their practise when situations present that require strength and resilience. One of a couple of things I will offer when asked is not to allow the fear of the disapproval of students thwart their resolve to establish their authority as classroom leader.

Why doesn't she like me? He doesn't seem to respond to my manner/style of teaching etc. Whilst these might prompt opportunities for reflection and review they don't need to become major 'crises of confidence.' Unless this is allowed to happen of course. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said: 

What we believe about ourselves is reflected in our behaviour and in how we feel when presented with difficult situations. Unconditional self acceptance is a kind of psychological buttress against the negative views and opinions that others may have of us. So suggestion number one for new educators: take ideas, opinions, advice on board but don't let them define you. What we believe about ourselves is less likely to be compromised. Our buttress isn't breached. For more on self acceptance visit:

Albert Ellis and REBT 

The second piece of advice I will offer is this; be aware of our personal prejudices about students. As we can't expect that all others must like/respect/admire us (though we may healthily prefer this) it is true that we may not have altogether positive views of others. I have heard colleagues over the years say that they 'can't seem to warm to this student and this effects how I relate to her.' This is an important insight to acknowledge and it can have positive outcomes if we determine to find 'a way in' to connecting with that child. 

Accepting self and accepting others are valuable attitudes to cultivate and educators who practise this by and large relate more effectively to their students. Those students who otherwise may be marginalised are eventually, in most cases won over!

Doormat Syndrome – the need to be needed and self hatred!

People will sometimes present with the ‘people treat me like a doormat’ syndrome. Doormats are used to wipe dirt from the soles of shoes. Not a very attractive analogy but this image of self, engenders strong feelings of anger and sadness in the sufferer.

The client will talk of feeling angry towards the other (s), of extreme sadness because of feeling ‘not wanted.’ Why is this the case? What can she do?

Talking to a trusted other is always a good start as she acknowledges that she doesn’t feel OK and wants to feel better but this is only the beginning of her journey of healing.

As counsellor I am interested in her story her. What are the significant events in her life and what hurdles have been placed before her and how did she deal with those challenges?

It will become evident as her story unfolds that she has developed some destructive, self-defeating personal philosophies (habits of believing) that she is not aware of at this point. My job is to help her become aware of these beliefs and how they drive her intense destructive feelings and behaviours. 

I will explain Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and use it to:

•           Identify what her constructed beliefs are
•           Explain  how they have been constructed
•           Parse out significant self-defeating and irrational beliefs she holds and maintains are true
•           Help challenge and change those errant beliefs
•           Set goals and teach tools that will help her onwards

It will not be easy to change habits of thinking feeling and behaving that have been practised over a lifetime and deeply embedded in the subconscious but it is possible; with hard work and application!

Albert Ellis said the job of therapist was to ‘cherchez le should,’ look for the implied or articulated should in counselling discourse. Our client has developed a few should beliefs that need urgent attention.

We agree that she has a firm conviction that she should always minister to others (I need to be needed) that she is a good person in doing good and that others should recognise that she is a good person for doing good. When she doesn’t get her just rewards she feels bad (they should acknowledge me!)

In a nutshell Ellis would say in his inimitable way that she is a love slob where the need to be needed reigns supreme over rational thought.

And so the work begins:

•      Challenge her ‘need to be needed’ philosophy (where’s the evidence that supports this? Do you need an ambulance if someone takes umbrage if you assert want you want/prefer/say no?)
•      Work on unconditionally accepting herself (I affirm of myself). Don’t give others consent to diminish you!
•      Practise, practise, practise thinking rational self (and other) helpful thinking until they become automatic habits, characteristic of her new and confident self.

I am always aware that my interactions with others help me to hone my own counselling skills and I am grateful for these opportunities. It takes courage to reach out to another for assistance and I value that privilege. My clients are my teachers and they gift me the chance to become better at what I do. I’m getting closer to where Einstein says I can be, explaining in simple terms what I know!

 Isn’t that what teaching’s all about?

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education and Behaviour Management - whats the difference?

There's confusion around behaviour management as compared with (Rational Emotive) behaviour education. So ...

All teaching and learning is based on constructivist theory. People learn in interaction with the world and others building on existing knowledge and understandings to create new learning. In other words knowledge is not acquired from some kind of  repository from which everyone draws upon for learning.

Learning takes place when new ideas and content are connected with old conceptual understandings and the learner is extended from where she is not from where somewhere presumes she is.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is finding where the child is in terms of her philosophical views about herself, others and life in general. When we know this we can help the child challenge what may be unhelpful personal philosophies and build (construct) better ones. We can work from where she's at. We also teach reinforce and acknowledge the helpful (rational ways of thinking - Success Helper) which are reflected in the behaviour of students who we believe are resilient.

Behaviour management assumes that the student 'should' be able to behave appropriately and 'must' think and act as is deemed the way we all 'should.' The step system is based on this philosophy and in my view 'shames' the child for not being able to act as she should. This is not helpful in the longer term. Educate or punish?

We do I agree need to manage behaviour where the  child can't but the long term view is to help the child understand that her constructed beliefs are causing her to act and feel as she does. Until she knows this in my view she will struggle.

It is my belief that many schools are applying a behaviour management system of control which contradicts what all teachers do in general teaching/learning. There are two opposing or contradictory practises in play based on two different philosophical foundations.  

Mental Health, Teaching and Learning - lives under construction

Children are constructivists. They make sense of what's happening and put two and two together and make their own four. Depression is a condition that undermines our ability to engage with the world successfully. What habits of believing have we constructed? Do we know what they are? Can we do anything about it? Why do I feel as I feel? Good questions to ponder and Rational Emotive Behaviour Education facilitates the students capacity to think about their thinking, to examine the philosophies they hold. If we have constructed our depression by cultivating irrational (unhelpful, unhealthy) habits of believing then we can deconstruct it! We can constantly revisit the meanings we have made about our experiences and re examine them through the REBE lens. 'Am I worthless? What does this mean? What evidence is there to support this hypothesis? What reconstructed meanings can I make that best fit the evidence?' This kind of awareness and learning allows the person to monitor their mental health, to make decisions about what they can do to help themselves forge ahead in the world. The REBE approach to Positive Psychology is promoted through The Rational Emotive Behaviour Education in Schools Program which is being implemented in many schools in South Australia. Para Hills School P-7 staff is working hard to help children understand how as constructivists they can thrive even when confronted with change and challenge. This is a useful thing to do.

REBT and Early Childhood Mental Health Promotion

How can early childhood educators help young learners understand and apply Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy principles in daily practise? This is an oft asked question and some would say it can't be done. The truth is that early childhood learners are very amenable to this kind of learning. 

Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators - Whyalla Stuart Kindergarten

Early childhood educators in Whyalla, South Australia attended a workshop at Gabmadidi Manoo Children and Family Centre. The focus was on using popular children's stories to teach the think feel do connection. We looked at a favourite book character, Arthur: an ordinary brown dog. Could we help Arthur feel better even if he couldn't get what he wanted - to find a happy home away from the pet shop where it seemed he would stay for ever! Young learners would say that the only way he could feel better is if he could be removed from the pet shop. 'I'll go and get him' one and all will say. 

Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators - Whyalla Stuart Campus R-7

It is a universal truth that we cannot always change the situation 'A' (ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance) but we can examine, challenge and change our thinking at 'B.' How we feel and behave has a lot to do with how we think about situations. We learned at the workshop how we can illustrate through the experiences of characters like Arthur that we can manage our feelings and behaviour effectively. Young learners understand that even if Arthur was not chosen as a pet (he eventually was of course!) he could still feel better in a difficult situation. This is what Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators do in Whyalla, South Australia. They teach young people how they have constructed their 'thinking rules' and to challenge and change the unhelpful ones!

Children with poor self worth are more likely to be bullied

This article (starting below the photograph) was written by Adelaide Advertiser journalist Martina Simos which was published on 9th June 2013. The article comments on research done by myself (Giulio Bortolozzo) and Dr. Ken Rigby on student attitudes/beliefs/constructed personal philosophies and how these are linked to bullying (bully-vcitim-bystander behaviours).

The Whyalla REBE (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) School Cluster is implementing the REBE counselling based student behaviour development program. This involves the explicit teaching of Unconditional Self Acceptance and Unconditional Other Acceptance to students which helsp students understand how the 'habits of thinking' they have formed are linked to how they feel and behave. The research mentioned below suggests that students who develop Unconditional Self Acceptance are less likely to be the victims of bullying. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is a school wide system of behaviour development and as Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators, Whyalla teachers address bullying as part of daily teaching/learning routines.

Picture courtesy of AdelaideNow. Journalist: Martina Simos

MORE than one-in-10 South Australian students in disadvantaged areas have negative thoughts about themselves which is making them easy targets for bullying, new research has found.


The report, How Schoolchildren's Acceptance Of Self And Others Relate To Their Attitudes To Victims Of Bullying, co-authored by bullying expert Adjunct Research Professor Ken Rigby and Giulio Bortolozzo, has been published in the Social Psychology of Education: An International Journal.

The main findings, which analysed responses to questionnaires sent to 212 primary and secondary students aged between nine and 14 in disadvantaged areas, were:

TWENTY-FOUR per cent of children recorded hostile thoughts towards others.

ELEVEN per cent showed negative attitudes towards themselves.

CHILDREN who were positive about others were more likely to intervene in bullying incidents as bystanders.

The researchers believe children who have negative views about themselves need help - to become more resilient, assertive and safer - and if they have hostile views towards others, they need to learn tolerance to curb bullying behaviour.

Prof Rigby said the findings indicate school initiatives could address bullying by introducing co-operative learning and circle time where students discuss concerns in a supportive environment.

"We believe the best help for these children can be provided by teaching them to think more positively about themselves and others through the use of classroom lessons in rational emotive education," Prof Rigby said.

"Relevant are peer support programs and strategies undertaken to promote positive bystander behaviour."

Prof Rigby said: "It may come as a surprise to learn that so many South Australian schoolchildren harbour extremely negative thoughts about themselves and feel they cannot accept themselves as worthy people."

"These children were far more likely to be bullied than others," he said

by Martina Simos AdelaideNow