REBTOZ

My name’s Brain Bully and you most probably don’t know me and that’s a problem for you. Why? Because I am a major player in how you might feel about yourself, others and the world in general. The extreme negative emotions you may experience are always accompanied by an action or actions, which contrive against you. Yes I’m Brain Bully and I really can ‘do your head in!’ You might ask yourself at times ‘why did I do that? Or ‘why do I feel so angry when things don’t go my way?’ These questions largely go unanswered because you don’t know about me and you won’t know unless you find out. Some find out by reading and talking to others about how they might feel about things and an attentive ear may pick up on little snippets of tell-tale signs that I am somewhere lurking deep within you. This insight can be the beginning of a self-help journey that may in time purge your mind of me, an alien menace that resides in your deep and dark subconscious self. But it isn’t exactly accurate to sugge...

Have you been psychologically immunised yet? Better get on to it asap! How do you 'psychologically immunise' students against the ravages of rejection and failure? May I recommend a school or schools that teach REBT/CBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy/Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) across all curriculum areas whose teachers are trained in teaching Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA)? Many students are conditioned to believe that they are only worthwhile if significant others think they are or if they achieve their goals. Whilst it is important that others approve of us and that we do well and achieve our goals and desires our worth is never at question. The belief that others opinion of you define who you are is errant and self defeating. The ‘I’m only OK if you think I am’ philosophy is an irrational one because it causes anxiety, depression and other debilitating conditions that undermine our mental health because the person or persons whose ...

I find with some students that their anxiety is driven by the mistaken belief that somehow they themselves are responsible for how the teacher feels. Where would this idea come from? As discussed in many previous posts the young person would have constructed a set of personal beliefs that explain how and why others feel and act as they do.  Consider a moment what a child might deduce when exposed to the following statements from adults around them: 'You make me happy when you do that.' 'You make me angry when you do that.' 'You make me feel whatever when you do that ...!' They would conclude that 'my actions; what I do is responsible for how my mum/dad/teacher feels. I will try hard to be 'good' so that they feel good (because it's my responsibility). I don't want to 'make' them sad or mad so I'd better be on my best behaviour. I must behave and 'be good'.' I'm OK! As Albert Ellis reminds us when we ...

The REBE (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) brand of psychology says that to negotiate the road ahead requires competencies that will help students build resilience. The Australian Curriculum outlines seven general competencies that are promoted in schools. Personal and Social Competence is promoted through the whole school application of Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. REBE is a psychotherapy-based system of behaviour education based on the ABC Theory of Emotional (and behavioural) Disturbance. It teaches that the events in our lives PLUS our constructed beliefs (personal philosophies about self, others and life) drive our behavioural and emotional responses to situations (A+B=C). It is not the event itself alone that causes emotional and behavioural disturbance. (A=C). This is not a ‘think positive and everything will be OK’ approach, it is not the vacuous ‘there, there all will be OK’ mantra of the ‘warm fuzzy’ movement of the 80’s and 90’s. Each day students ...

How do you help young children develop and sustain healthy habits of thinking? By having fun of course! Learning is a serious business and it’s important to have some serious fun on our learning journey. Children learn our behaviour, interpret the messages they receive, and process information accordingly. They construct their own set of rules, belief system that will guide them in the choices they make. These can be by and large helpful or unhelpful, rational or irrational. Give it at try banana pie! There’s more to this than meets the eye! We want our children to develop the capacity to take on tasks with a view to do their best and to hang in there when the going gets tough. This is the ‘if it’s to be it’s up to me’ idea that helps the individual to complete tasks and build on self-confidence. Here are some ideas for teachers and parents/carers to use. When children are working say: ‘You are giving it a try banana pie! (thumbs up gesture) When th...

Sam’s teacher has introduced the Emotional Thermometer to the class and the students know now that irrational thinking is hurtful, its makes strong unhealthy emotions and poor behavioural choices. They know its Brain Bully (BB) trying to trick them. BB is saying: ‘I can’t do this! It’s unfair. I’m dumb.’ Teacher: ‘These are not true! Are they children?’ Children: ‘NO THEY’RE NOT! Teacher:  ‘We won’t let Brain Bully win will we? Children:  ‘NO WE WON’T!’ They also know that Brain Friend tells the truth and makes healthy, manageable negative emotions. BF says, ‘this is hard but I can try.’ ‘I’m not dumb if I make a mistake.’ ‘I’m always OK.’ Teacher: ‘These are true! What do you think children?’ Children: Yes they are. We want BF to win! GET LOST BRAIN BULLY!’ This kind of learning is reinforced across all teaching/learning curriculum areas or if you are a parent the same a...

Little Max is a 6-year-old boy whose teacher has referred him to the school counsellor. His teacher is concerned that he seems agitated a lot of the time especially when other kids are not 'being good.’  When the teacher appears to be angry his concern is heightened. Max’s anxiety is stopping him from engaging in his learning and it is effecting his overall school experience in a negative way. Is that the way ‘he is’, his nature and he can’t do much about his natural tendency to experience anxiety a lot of the time? What is driving this extreme emotional discomfort and what can be done about it? He may have inherited a genetic predisposition towards anxiety and it may be a characteristic of other family members to a lesser or greater extent.  He will also have ‘learned’ how to feel anxious, he may have been taught how to feel this way. As a counsellor I want to know what core philosophical beliefs has Max constructed that drive his anxiety, what does he believe? Wh...