REBTOZ

Children are constructing their own views on things (philosophies) making meaning from what they see and hear in their interactions with others and the world. The conclusions they draw may be helpful or unhelpful (rational or irrational) – their ‘thinking rules.’ (unconscious/unaware) Behaviour management is not individualised – what philosophies do those children hold (constructed)? Do they know them? How do they effect emotional and behavioural responses to situations? What can they learn/relearn that will help them? One size fits all – assumes that: Children know how to behave They have all been exposed the same learning/experiences They therefore should know how to behave If they don’t behave appropriately they should be punished (because they should Know better) – This will not be the articulated position of the teacher/parent/other (they too may be unaware of their own constructed philosophies!) This is a short term fix at best but it will: Not m...

The student continues to explore the idea that events don’t cause our extreme ill feelings but rather it is our interpretation or thinking about them that does. The belief we are worthwhile only when others do is an errant philosophical view and our student is beginning to realise that his unrealistic demand that others MUST like him to be likeable is doing him a disservice. In the counselling office in a school in South Australia Counsellor:    You say that you feel anxious when you think you have ‘offended’ someone. Is that fair to say? Student:   Yes I want people to be happy. I hate it when they feel bad because of me. Counsellor:   It would appear that you believe you are responsible for how others feel. You say you ‘made him upset.’ Would that also mean that you believe others ‘make you upset?’ Student:   Yes. People can make me upset and I can upset others. Counsellor:    I want to talk about a ‘must’ rule that people m...

This 14 year old student has had a reasonable week. He has been aware of how his anxiety has ebbed and flowed in his interactions with others and is monitoring his self-talk. He is very careful about what he says and how he says it and is quick to help and encourage others with enthusiasm. Other students have commented that he is ‘overly helpful and encouraging’ at times and would prefer he ‘relax a bit.’ Counsellor : G’day. How’s it going? Student : I’m fine. I’ve been thinking about our last chat and I think it’s true that I worry too much about what others think. Counsellor: You’re not alone, and it’s useful that you have been thinking about your anxiety and what might be causing it. Last time we spoke we talked about ‘needing the approval of others.’ Do you recall? Student: Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I do want to be liked by others. Isn’t it OK to want be liked by everyone? Counsellor : Can you be liked by everyone? Do you think this is a ...

This is a transcript of a series of 3 counselling sessions I had with a year 10 student. I used Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance to help him. I am a Rational Emotive Behaviour Counsellor. This student feels anxious over something that has happened. He asked another student if he had a problem (are you OK? Can I help?). This was misinterpreted (what do you mean I have a problem?) and he responded aggressively. The student was taken aback and then began to mull over the response he received. He asked a trusted teacher if the esteem in which other teachers held him was now diminished. The teacher said not in any way but the student remained preoccupied and went to see the counsellor outlining what had happened and how best to deal with the situation. In the counsellors office Student: I am concerned about how a student responded to me. I am caring and I didn’t intend to offend him when I asked him how he felt and if I could help. I am worried that he t...

The 70's and 80's heralded the introduction of the 'warm fuzzies' movement. I recall a colleague saying thanks for the 'warm fuzzies' when congratulated on something he'd done. He and others would talk about giving and receiving warm fuzzies and how if you 'just be positive' things will work out in your favour. I'm all for people feeling OK and encouraging others but I would recoil at the mere mention of them (warm fuzzies). And the word 'just' invoked a level of discomfort; as if you could flick a switch and all would be well! Just think positive. Just believe in yourself. Just have faith in yourself. You are special etc. This as useful as responding to someones concerns relative to how 'this happened to me. I know exactly how you feel. Just think positive!' Sometimes all you can do is listen and that's good enough. We can feel compelled to fill the wordless void by offering platitudes and assurances that may not be...

According to 'A Way Forward: Equipping Australia’s Mental Health System for the Next Generation : 'Online mental health services can involve cognitive behaviour courses that help people identify unhelpful thoughts and behaviours and learn healthier skills and habits.' Online MH support services the report says are low cost and highly effective. Young people who are struggling with mental health concerns are finding online support useful to them. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) c ourses are available to help young people identify, challenge and change unhelpful thoughts. This is precisely what teachers are doing at Para Hills School P-7 in Adelaide South Australia. Through the Rational Emotive Behaviour Education Program children are taught how to develop healthy habits of thinking about themselves, others and the world. Teachers do this across all curriculum areas at every year level day in and day out. This very important school based approach to MH promoti...

When 'it' is causing you to feel sad, inert, sluggish, aimless and generally down sometimes the best thing to do is just keep going. There could be a plethora of 'its' that ails us - past traumas, anxieties about the future, fears of today. Which 'it' is it? Or are they many and varied? We can become bogged down in rumination and contemplation which can ultimately overwhelm us until we stop altogether and resign from the world i.e. the big 'it' that is 'making' us so sad - 'stop the world. I want to get off!' As has been observed over the millenia it isn't 'it' that makes us feel as we feel and do what we do.Oh no! Its our estimation of 'it' that does us in! The world is as it is and is neither good or bad but our thinking about 'it' determines whether 'it' is indeed good or bad. As the great Albert Ellis once said: The world ain't for you or against you. It just doesn't give a shit! In a b...

I was doing my rounds at school the other day. A young student (7 years old) had a waste paper bin over his  head. This sounds a bit like the intro of a joke (I went to the doctor the other day...). Anyway I spoke to the student and he told me he did this because 'I'm rubbish and that's where I belong.' On other occasions he had said to me that he was bad/naughty. This kind of talk would suggest to me (as a Rational Emotive Behaviour Educator) that the child has constructed a view of himself that is irrational and therefore self defeating. Somehow he has concluded that he has no worth ('I'm rubbish') which is reflected in his poor behaviour and in the tears he shed's when we talk about this.  So how do we help this sad (depressed?) young person mend his breaking (broken?) spirit?  Albert Ellis said 'the future of psychology and psychotherapy is in the school system' but 'the future' is yet to arrive it would seem. Educati...