Keeping Coolio at Schoolio! Anger Management in the Early Childhood Setting

You can use REBT principles to teach young people in early childhood how to manage their feelings. 'Must' thinking (Brain Bully) makes unhealthy anger and low frustration tolerance. 'Preference' thinking (Brain Friend) makes healthy annoyance and promotes frustration tolerance.  Read this to your students. I'd be interested to know how they respond to 'Julio Keeps Coolio at Schoolio!'

Giulio

Julio Keeps Coolio at Schoolio!

Julio would ‘chuck a wobbly’ every time he didn’t get his own way. When his teacher said ‘time to pack up!’  he would ‘crack a fruity’ because he wanted to play with his lego instead. ‘Whinge, whinge, whinge!' He whinged.

If his mum at home asked Julio to help with the dishes he would ‘spit the chewy’ because he was playing with his model car. He stomped his feet! He clenched his fists! He said ‘wha wha wha I want to play with my car!

At school he was doing some maths and he ‘spat the dummy’ because it was hard and he only wanted easy stuff to do. His eyes bulged, he turned purple and his nose wrinkled and he bashed the desk with his fist. ‘Whine whine whine.' He whined.

"Whinge whinge

I want my way!

Wha wha

I won’t do what you say!

Whine whine

All the time!"

His mum was sad. ‘Why do you always chuck wobblies Julio? Why do you always have to get your way?’

His teacher said, ‘Why do you always crack a fruity when you don’t get what you want?’

His friends said ‘we don’t like it when you spit the dummy’.  It is not cool to do that at school.’

Julio’s mum took him to see Doctor Calmfella who helped people who couldn’t control their anger.

'What can I do for you?' Dr Calmfella asked.

Julio said ‘I spit the chewy when I don’t get my way!’

Mum said, ‘he chucks a wobbly when everything isn’t just right!’ and his teacher says that he  ‘cracks a fruity’ when he has tough stuff to do! And his friends say its not cool to spit the dummy at school!'

"Mmm", said the doctor.

"I see" he said.

He thought a while and he scratched his head.

"You spit the chewy,

You chuck a wobbly or two

You have the odd dummy spit.

That’s what you do!

Not only that

You crack the odd fruity.

Control your anger

That is your duty!"

This is not helpful for your mum, your teachers or your friends. I think you have a severe case of MUSTITIS!

‘What’s that?’ Julio and his mum said at the same time. That sounds bad!'

"It’s a Brain Bully rule

Inside your head

You can’t keep cool

You chuck wobblies instead!

Brain Bully says

I MUST get my way

I MUST do what I want

Every single day!

I MUST, I MUST

Is what you’re thinking

That kind of rule

Is stinking thinking!"

The doctor wrote some notes on a piece of paper and turned to Julio and said:

"It’s time to say

To that Brain Bully rule

I can keep cool

When I’m at school

You can keep coolio

He said to Julio

You can keep coolio

At home and at schoolio!"

Julio did lots of thinking. He wondered if it was so very bad to help mum at home. He thought about school and how he wanted things to be easy all the time. 'Hang on',  he said himself. 'It’s not so bad when I don’t get my way.  My head wont explode if I try tough stuff! The world won’t end if I have chores to do at home. I don’t always have to get my way!' Julio got rid of his MUST Brain Bully rule and learned how to do important things even when he wanted to do something else instead.

Now when you visit Julio at home or see him at school you will notice something. He doesn’t chuck so many wobblies. He has fewer dummy spits and rarely cracks a fruity! You know what? No one can remember the last time he spat the chewy!

Good on you Julio

You are no fool

You can keep cool

When you’re at school!

Julio can keep Coolio at Schoolio!

Max and Sam

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Contradictory Practices in Schools – Education or Punishment?

The purpose of his post is to compare and contrast the contradictory philosophies, which underpin the practices and processes used in schools to address student behaviour.

Traditionally we have had a one-size fits all approach where student behaviour is managed and controlled by the adult characterized by language like ‘warnings, steps, detention, suspension and exclusion.’  Using our authority to punish might get students to comply and fear us but it doesn’t help them to gain insight into why they respond as they do emotionally and behaviourally to daily challenges in life. This approach contradicts constructivist theory on which all teachers’ work is based. Why do we base our teaching on constructivist theory for the subjects we teach and then use a system of behaviour management that ignores the developmental needs of the child? Why are we using two models for learning at the same time in the same context, one inclusive an the other not?

Enter Rational Emotive Behaviour Education (REBE) a system based on counselling theory and practice, Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. REBE has been discussed in previous blog posts and it is offered as a way of educating students about their individually constructed philosophies which determine how they will respond behaviourally and emotionally to daily situations, especially the challenging ones.

REBE teaches explicitly essential resilience building competencies like Unconditional Self/Other and Life Acceptance across the school curriculum and in every student – teacher interaction. Based on constructivist theory REBE helps students to deconstruct unhealthy habits of believing and to construct healthy habits of believing.

In my experience as educator one thing is abundantly clear and that is students present with a diverse range of dispositions, personalities, learning styles and the list go on.  Despite this we have persisted and continue to persist in applying a system of ‘behaviour management,’ which assumes all children are the same and this has failed our young people significantly.

How so you may ask? A child with low frustration tolerance for instance may struggle to stay on task especially when it is a challenging one.  She may be prompted to get back on the job with a firm reminder and again stalls as her frustration level rises. Is she displaying non-compliance? Is she lazy? Or has she low frustration tolerance for tasks that require perseverance and continued focus? We can give her person specific labels like ‘she’s lazy’ or ‘she’s naughty’, which are inaccurate and harmful. Why? Because we are rating the students personal worth, not their behaviour.

REBE will support the child understand how her constructed beliefs gives rise to her extreme frustration. Does she think that life should be easy and that it isn’t fair that she doesn’t get what she wants? Is she a victim of learned helplessness where she believes she can’t do ‘tough stuff?’ Does she have low self worth, which stops her from taking risks in her learning because ‘I’m dumb anyway?’  REBE is about helping students unpack these harmful beliefs and to build new healthier ones.  REBE provides preventative mental health education systematically across all curriculum areas.
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REBT and Constructivism

Constructivist theory says we learn to behave according to what we observe going on around us. Our models of behaviour show us how to get what we want, how to respond to situations and how we can interact with others. If these models are helpful they will teach us that we can wait for things if we have to, that we can respect others (even when we don’t wish to associate with them) and we can remain confident even when we fail at something or suffer the rejection of others. If we live amongst such role models we will internalize (construct) some very useful ‘rules for living.’

Conversely if those around us show low frustration tolerance, who may get what they want through aggression and who take failure and rejection to heart then we are likely to internalise a different set of ‘rules for living.’

Such habits of thinking and behaving (helpful or unhelpful) will determine how successful or not we may be in achieving our goals in life. According to Dr Albert Ellis we can deconstruct those unhelpful ‘habits of thinking’ with a lot of hard work.

For example a person who has learned (believes) that his or her worth is measured according to how well he/she does or how others regard him/her will often experience unhelpful, self destructive feelings such as anger and depression or feel highly anxious a lot of the time. What philosophical ideas lay behind these feelings? What would motivate a person to harm self or others in a pique of anger? Why would a person tend to defer to others in the hope of obtaining, sustaining a ‘must have’ relationship (I need to be liked)?

At my school I observe those who go along with others, who don’t seem to offer any opinion or ideas. Some will give things away to ‘buy’ friendship and others are easily ‘bought’ under the threat of exclusion or dismissal. Others would handle things differently, they don’t seem to be easily intimidated by others and accept that it’s OK when others may not regard them as friends. For these people rejection can be hurtful and disappointing but rarely is it a catastrophe or so awful that it will ‘ruin their lives!’

Dr. Albert Ellis created the ABC Theory of Emotional (and behavioural) Disturbance used by counsellors and therapists the world over. This therapy embraces the ‘wisdom of the ages’ like that of Epictetus in 100AD who observed that ‘events and people don’t make us feel and act as we do but it is the view we take of them.’ Or Buddha who said, ‘what we think we become.’ Many other learned people have made similar assertions over the millennia.

Ellis’ ABC Theory allows us to work with people who have constructed unhealthy and destructive philosophies that cause anger, anxiety and depression in their lives. In doing so he has helped millions of people learn how to better manage themselves behaviourally and emotionally, people who may believe that feelings and behaviour are ‘made’ by other people and other things. Take the case of Sofia, a 12-year-old primary school student from Africa (see the next blog).

For more information about Dr Albert Ellis and REBT visit http://www.rebtresources.info/index.php www.debbiejoffeellis.com www.rebtnetwork.org

NEWSFLASH! Workshop titled REBT Theory and Practice to be held in Adelaide, September 24th. Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis will be co presenting. Don't miss this PD opportunity. Please visit: http://www.psychology.org.au/Events/EventView.aspx?ID=6548 for more details.