REBTOZ

'I cant stand it when people don't acknowledge me when I wave to them!' says the TV celebrity. 'I can't stand rude people. They make me so angry!' So exclaimed well known celebrity X on a popular morning show. What is she declaring when speaking so? What shoulds oughts and musts are implied in this statement? Rational Emotive Behaviour Counsellors would, as Albert Ellis put it, 'cherchez le shoulds' in the counselling discourse. What 'thinking rules' underscore her tendency to judge another's personhood (they are rude!) based on a particular disagreeable act? Why would such a behaviour be so disagreeable that she couldn't stand it? What is making her so mad? Irrational Perspective 1. A person can act badly but does this make her totally bad? If someone acts rudely is she a rude person? Thinking rule: She should acknowledge me ! (No she shouldn't) 2. Why can't she tolerate what is a relatively minor inconvenience....

Learning an additional language to your own has many benefits; the insights you acquire of other cultures and the nuances of word meanings in that language are a couple. We say in my language things like 'I'd love a nice cup of tea' or to others we might say 'Would you like a nice cup of tea?' What do we mean by 'nice cup of tea?' My 'nice' may not be your 'nice' but we don't stop to think 'we'll see whether it's nice or not when I get it.' That phrase 'a nice cup of tea' has meanings beyond the literal. It's wrapped up in the tradition of tea drinking, the rituals surrounding the great Irish past time (in my case) of having a nice 'cuppa tae.' Taking tea or having tea' may mean taking a chance to rest a while and ponder or engage with other folk, to have a chat. In my mind the 'niceness' of having a cuppa is not entirely to do with how the tea meets my personal tastes but more to d...

I find with some students that their anxiety is driven by the mistaken belief that somehow they themselves are responsible for how the teacher feels. Where would this idea come from? As discussed in many previous posts the young person would have constructed a set of personal beliefs that explain how and why others feel and act as they do.  Consider a moment what a child might deduce when exposed to the following statements from adults around them: 'You make me happy when you do that.' 'You make me angry when you do that.' 'You make me feel whatever when you do that ...!' They would conclude that 'my actions; what I do is responsible for how my mum/dad/teacher feels. I will try hard to be 'good' so that they feel good (because it's my responsibility). I don't want to 'make' them sad or mad so I'd better be on my best behaviour. I must behave and 'be good'.' I'm OK! As Albert Ellis reminds us when we ...