REBTOZ

Sofia was new to the country and was vivacious and good humoured. She was an enthusiastic student, who worked hard at her studies and had a wide circle of friends. She had a ready smile and a caring nature, sensitive to the needs of others, a delight to teach. On many occasions she would accompany me on yard duty and we would talk about things and inevitably the topic of discussion would turn to friendships and her concern about a particular student who did not seem to like her. This student would generally ignore her and chose not to associate with her in the classroom or in the yard. Sofia would become tearful and I would ask why she felt so sad. She said that she didn’t understand why this student didn’t seem to want to be her friend as ‘everyone else liked me, why doesn’t she?’ On another occasion Sofia said she wasn’t happy because this student wasn’t her friend and she would say ‘she makes me sad.’ As a Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy counsellor I used some of the ...

Dr Ellis’ latest work is a book called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy . Co authored by his wife Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis, it is part of the Theories of Psychotherapy Series , edited by Jon Carlson and Matt Englar-Carlson and published by the American Psychological Association. This gem comes hot on the heels of Dr Ellis' autobiography All Out! which was published in 2010, with contributions by Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis. Ellis created REBT and developed it, promoted it and practiced it until his death in 2007. REBT is often said to be an offshoot or subsidiary of CBT but as this publication reminds us, REBT is the original cognitive therapy. Indeed Ellis is regarded as the father of REBT and the grandfather of CBT by those in the know. Dr. Ellis’ motivation was to provide useful information to the general public on issues relating to mental health, offer a model (ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance) that could explain why people feel and behave as they do and suggest strategies...

Approval addict, empath, love slob, approvalist, co dependent, need junkie are terms that come to mind to describe those who suffer from conditional self-acceptance (CSA). Dr. Albert Ellis’ REBT explains that when an individual has a compulsive need to secure another’s approval it is self defeating. The antidote is unconditional self-acceptance (USA). USA - the belief that self worth is not diminished by failure or rejection i.e. I have failed= I am not a failure. I have been rejected = I am not a reject (I am always worthwhile). Roses are red Violets are blue I’d like you to like me But I don’t need you to! CSA- the belief that self worth is diminished by failure and rejection i.e. I have failed = I am a failure. I have been rejected = I am a reject (I’m worthwhile if you think I am). Roses are red Violets are blue Please like me As I need you to! Where do we start to help the person who needs to be needed, who absolutely must have the approval of significant others? ...

Recent research by Giulio Bortolozzo and Dr. Ken Rigby has shown that low self worth is associated with a tendency to be victimised. Dr. Ellis' Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) helps individuals understand that others’ views of them don't define who they are. These individuals understand that rejection and failure cannot diminish their worth - they can be rejected but can never be a reject, they can fail but are never a failure. The research also shows that bullies tend not to accept others. They may view others who are different as being losers or nerds and decide it's ok to bully them because they are not 'normal'. Ellis calls this Conditional Other Acceptance (COA). The research establishes that there is a relationship between how people view themselves and others and bully and victim behaviour. Ellis invites educators to teach the self-helpful rational beliefs of Unconditional Self/Other Acceptance. If children develop (construct) the belief that they are on...