REBTOZ

We have rules that guide our behaviour many (if not all) of which we are unaware! Psychologists tell us that we behave as we do because of certain rules we have constructed over time. These rules are so deeply ingrained in our subconscious that we would find it hard to articulate the rationale for doing what we do or feeling how we feel. The great Albert Ellis said: “Too many people are unaware that it is not outer events or circumstances that will create happiness; rather, it is our perception of events and of ourselves that will create, or uncreate, positive emotions.” Albert Ellis Quotes Where do these rules come from? Do we learn them from others and if they are unconscious ‘belief rules’ how can we get to know them? I think it’s true to say that our ‘rules of engagement’ with the world around us are indeed learned but what’s the likelihood of ever learning what they are? This would be insightful, new knowledge which would have benefits for the learner. What if some or mo...

I believe that our emotional and behavioural dysfunction is linked to the philosophies we have constructed over time and which we practise and reinforce unconsciously. Albert Ellis and others assert that our anger, anxiety and other emotional ills are constructed ergo they can be deconstructed. “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius   Marcus Aurelius Why does Sharon feel so sad and aggrieved? Where does her own personal beliefs come from? This fictitious account of Sharon's early learning might shed some light on this. Little Sharon was taught that she should always use her manners and that others should too. If she waved to someone who waved at her ‘that was good’, she was a ‘good girl’ to do this. Her parents said ‘good girl.’ Her parents would say how rude it was when others didn’t show the same standard of manners ...

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus was a Roman philosopher and emperor who said:  "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it: and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.’ Easier said than done you say especially when we are told that we are not responsible for how we feel on a daily basis. Listen to the news and it isn’t uncommon for an interviewer to ask an interviewee ‘how did this or that make you feel?’ Listen to the student at school who declares on leaving the classroom ‘I hate this subject it makes me so angry!’ or indeed the teacher who says ‘that kid makes me angry!’ This would reinforce the philosophy that distress is caused by things and events external to us i.e. you, it or events make our distress! We remain unenlightened by the wisdom of the stoic philosophers it would appear though we have had the educational tools and the opportunity to challenge the prevailing ‘not my fault’...