Showing posts with label victim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label victim. Show all posts

Monday 29 January 2024

Roger Bent Walked a Crooked Mile!

Roger Bent was an aspirational type who worked out early what he wanted and aimed to become what he imagined he could be. He was not particularly gifted in any significant way but he had a brimming reservoir of self-belief that fuelled his trajectory to his goal of greatness. He was besotted with himself and his narcissistic desires, and his wants and needs took precedence over those of others, who were useful only as far as that they could help him onwards and upwards.

'The only thing worse than ignorance is arrogance.' Albert Einstein

He was a classroom teacher for a while and he tolerated the discomfort and ignominy of sitting on what he thought was the bottom rung of the corporate ladder. This was a temporary situation as he worked out the lie of the land, and how best he would use those around him to get what he wanted.

He made strategic connections with significant others, saying the right thing to the right people at the right time, making personal and professional alliances with those who would help him on his way.

His leadership colleagues recognised the attributes and qualities which would help them in their quest for corporate glory. They relayed this good news to their line manager, the local education director who deemed he had potential and had ‘corporate’ sensibilities.

Bent had ingratiated himself into what would become a powerful and influential trinity of influence and privilege, the aspiring classroom teacher leader, the narcissist principal, and the bully director.

'Sycophants suck up to those who can help them and discard them when they are of no use to them anymore.'  Dr. Dan D. Ruff

Though still a lowly classroom teacher Bents profile grew in the school as he worked hard to help his principal achieve their goals, meet site KPI’s which in turn would reflect well on the director overseer whose reputation was only as good as the network school’s performance.

The students of course were to Bent what all insignificant others were, a means to an end. He supported the director and the principal in beefing up the academics of reading, writing and arithmetic whilst music, play based learning and other secondary subject considerations became afterthought electives. The better the academic test scores, the stronger the trinity became. The results reflected well on them and their need for approval became the driving force behind what they did.

'I need their approval.' Roger Bent

It wasn’t long before Bent got his foot in the leadership door and he was rewarded by the principal for his dedication to the tasks they set for him, which he attended to without question. He was anointed duly as the curriculum coordinator with the accompanying privileges and entitlements. The director in turn was happy to rubber stamp what was essentially a principal/director strategically made appointment.

Bent became less interested in the lives and travails of his teacher peers as their usefulness diminished whilst his leadership fortunes continued upward. He had no qualms about this as he now moved in the rarefied air of the influencers and decision makers. He had become a privileged leadership group member, a comrade in arms who set themselves apart from the classroom teacher plebs who were there to do their bidding.

'Teacher's should know their place and do what they are told.' Education Director, Dame Dorrie Dumpling

The Leadership Group expressed their privilege and entitlement in not-so-subtle ways, reflecting a coarse and naïve disregard and disrespect for the classroom teachers who worked tirelessly just down the corridor from where they would often meet. They would chat, laugh, and socialise as they believed they were entitled to and they reflected on where they had come from, lowly classroom teachers to managers and decision makers. They would order in take away and go on extended ‘meetings’ outside of school with the odd Maccas stopover or shopping jaunt as they wended their way back to school, having left some underling to cover for them. Yes, this was the way to go and Bent thought that there were more spoils in the offing.

'A corporatized education leader is a person who says yes to whatever is demanded of them without question.' Aunt Nellie Norbitt

Bent was on his way to better things and he accrued brownie points for doing what was demanded of him and which he did with alacrity. The rank and file distrusted him and his motives but he cared not a jot! Those in the know valued his contributions to the collective corporate goals, aims and objectives, and he felt satisfied with his progress … for now.

Bent negotiated, fawned, and crawled his way to a principalship. He stayed connected with his mentors and they fed off each other’s egos and they’d meet and regale their successes and wins in the business of education.

'To be a leader one has to risk the dislike and disdain of others but in the end it doesn't matter as long as I get what I want.' Roger Bent

Mr Bent eventually, found himself appointed as a local education director and he felt appropriately chuffed at the speed at which he’d reached this milestone and he thought the sky was the limit though he’d focus on this role for the time being. He had an office and staff to tend to his administrative needs and he was set. But it wasn’t as easy as he thought. He was accountable and had oversight over a network of schools and he soon realised he was out of his depth.

One local school was doing particularly well and he fell into a cosy relationship with the principal there. He knew he had to look after those who made him look good but this was his undoing, the great unravelling, the beginning of his demise, the beginning of the end.

How could this be? How could our golden teacher prodigy get so close but in the end fall oh so far from the world he had imagined in the early days? He had fallen foul of his own underhanded shenanigans.

The local school which he had cosied up to had what we will call staff troubles. Though the school had ‘performed’ exceedingly well in the national tests and everyone was appropriately well chuffed there was a simmering undercurrent of discontent, a potential powder keg of resentment of the disenfranchised, a disquiet that detracted from the overall health and wellbeing of the people who worked there and which could explode at any moment, a toxic slurry of discontent!

'The shit would surely hit the fan. A big jobby was on its way!' Jim 'Jobby' McGregor

What had Mr. Bent done? A school employee had been the subject of a targeted vendetta against them, not too dissimilar to the experiences of many others over the years whose ‘miscreance’ had seen them cast out the door, dismissed and discarded at the behest of a chosen few who ran the place. One particular ‘golden child’ so much loved and respected by the principal would every now and then decide that a particular ‘other’ didn’t fit their conception of how the school should look and feel. It may be that a person was popular, vivacious, competent, and skilled or well liked by the students or their parents enough to detract from the ‘golden child’s’ self-aggrandising and overinflated sense of importance (that’s another story!).

'I don't like that one. They're not nice. Get rid of them!'  Prudence Putty Nose

So, the boss did as they were told and began the process of ‘termination’ as had happened so many times over the years. The principal couldn’t countenance a situation where their favourite mentee felt uncomfortable, tearful, and unhappy and like the proverbial knight on their white steed rode to their rescue.

The targeted other had made a complaint about bullying to the appropriate authorities and confidential correspondence which went to Mr. Bents office, found its way back to the local school where the principal and his mentee were privy to information which would be prejudicial to the bullied educator’s chances of justice and fair play. Mr Bent, Roger Bent, had stepped over the line of everything ethical, professional, and right to help a ‘mate,’ to add to the bullying dynamic of bully, victim, and bystander.

Long story short, Mr Bent was investigated by the police and duly held to account and the local school principal and their sycophant enablers were disciplined accordingly. A new school leadership team was appointed and the school moved on from this unfortunate situation.

No, wait! That’s not right! Mr Bent was moved sideways with all the usual pay and privileges due a Regional Director and the principal and their bullying buddies remained where they were. Mysteriously, the corporate protection squad made the problem go away. Nothing to see here, all’s well that ends well, no?

The bullied educator was left to ponder the imponderable and though they had some satisfaction knowing that they were heard, they were left with a sense of helplessness and disappointment in a system that favours the favoured while the rest go and suffer in their jocks!

'Suffer in your jocks!' Darryl Kerrigan
PS 'I teach kids because I want to and I like it. I don't want to 'escape' to any 'leadership' position. I have standards!' Ed. E. Cated, classroom teacher 

PPS Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead (or those who just seem that way), is purely coincidental.

Friday 1 September 2023

The Narcissist Boss

‘Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. . .. They justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.’ T.S. Elliott

The imagined side eyes and murmurings noticed in passing and the alleged corridor conversations fed the managers  paranoia that people were undermining his authority. ‘There’s a conspiracy afoot! They must not do this to me it’s just not fair,’ he thought.

He reflected on the demands he made of staff, seemingly all heaped upon them at once that he told himself had nothing to do with his lack of organisation or paucity of leadership skills, but more to do with the system. Yes, it was the system letting everyone down. How could it be his fault? And then there were his offsiders who were green around the gills and wasn’t he trying to get them up to speed, to develop their leadership capacities? ‘No, it’s not me he thought.’ He would not dare to even contemplate that he could be at fault, he always found it hard to look at himself in the proverbial mirror.’ ‘Staff must understand the importance of my role,’ he told himself, and that ‘any suggestion that I can’t handle it is nonsense and must be quashed.’

He would remind staff that the 'broken system' was letting them down and that good things lay ahead if they would just trust him and believe his intentions were always for the common good. ‘I am proud of you all and have the utmost respect for you,’ he declared (in private he held everyone in contempt). Yes Leadership, with a capital L, (The 'L' Team as he called it) strove to improve productivity outcomes, and to maintain the standards that the enterprise had become renowned for in the local network. He was the big cheese now and he was in his rightful place, and everyone should defer to him.

He couldn’t appreciate that there was a disconnect between what he said and what he did, and others could see what was happening. Whilst they grafted within the confines of their office walls, they would observe or others would tell them of the meetings behind closed doors where he and his lieutenants would be sitting talking, laughing, and socialising. Word filtered through also that the capital 'L' team, would order in take away when the other workers had returned to their workstations after lunch and dined together away from the office hubbub.

It wasn’t a good look either that all would attend meetings and workshops outside the office together whilst a designated stand-in would be left to manage things alone. The grapevine had it that they would drop in for takeaway on their return to work for good measure. The message was loud and clear that the 'L' team was a group of privileged and entitled others who set themselves apart from the main group. Whilst the manager would call for collegiality, trust, and cooperation he acted otherwise, and a clear schism had developed between the haves and the have nots.

But whatever problems presented, however things went awry it was the system letting everyone down! And of course, the last geezer who ran the place, whose legacy still lay heavily on his mind the burden of which he carried like Mother Theresa of Calcutta would have. It was ‘his fault and I’m left to clean up his mess,’ he reminded himself ‘and people should be grateful.’

Others came to regard the manager as inauthentic, disingenuous, and conniving. What he said to one’s face wasn’t what he said behind the backs of many who at one time would have thought of him in a different light. He was jealous of others’ achievements and wouldn’t give due credit to them unless they were part of his circle of acolyte, deferring sycophant friends. Indeed, the 'L' team was regarded more of a friendship group than an inspirational, talented, and visionary team. Whilst he implored others to walk his talk, he didn’t and that was a problem.

The manager, others observed, formed a dislike or hatred even of those who appeared to be more talented, younger, or who were more popular than he. There was conjecture amongst many that several people over the years who had moved onto other jobs fitted that description. No, he wouldn’t have had anything to do with such shenanigans whilst he served under the former manager. Or would he? Some hypothesised that it was indeed the case!

His tone of delivery in speech and in writing was of a passive-aggressive nature, a disconnect between what was said and the behaviour observed. His passive-aggressive demeanour was characterised by the ‘silent treatment’ to purposely cause discomfort or an intentional lack of communication, ‘I’ve been meaning to come by and chat,’ he would say, when in practice it had always been the case that he avoided those he regarded as a threat to his coveted position of power and authority (dad would be so proud of me he'd often say to himself). ‘Our job is a difficult one, and we are in it for our clients and their families, and it can be burdensome, but let’s hang together for the common good’ he would declare before retiring to his office to naval gaze over his trials and tribulations, and the burden he must bear for others.

The trouble with having a narcissist office leader is that colleagues with different perspectives, opinions and ideas are seen as recalcitrant and counterculture, who seek to undermine the managers authority. ‘They should know that I know what is best. They just want to see me fail,’ he would think, on a loop in his head.

Narcissists are excessively selfish and possess a sense of misplaced altruism believing that bearing imagined afflictions (‘you don’t know how much I am hurting, but I can’t burden you with my suffering’) makes them an exception amongst mortals who believe they are irreplaceable.

The question is how does one deal with such self-focussed, delusional, entitled, and mean-spirited individuals? Ignore them? Allow them to take the credit for what is not theirs and just accept the status quo? The narcissist leader won’t like that others don’t see him as he sees himself and will offer platitudes of understanding and empathy whilst planning at the same time, your demise sometime in the future (I’ll get you when you least expect it!).

Moving on to another job is often the easier option. Why hang around a person who will never have your interests at heart? Unfortunately, it seems to be that our system promotes ‘leaders’ of this ilk, and those who are the narcissists' quarry are dismissed and scapegoated. Interesting isn’t it?

Yes, life seems unfair but somewhere along the line our narcissist, bully boss will have his comeuppance!




Saturday 1 July 2023

The Bully Principal



The setup

The teacher target became aware that things were different, that something was afoot, and she felt a sense of foreboding. A competent teacher was about to be systematically attacked by the people who were up to this point considered colleagues, friends. She started to feel isolated. She’d go to the staffroom and sit next to someone who would move when the principal came into the room. They were under instruction not to engage with their colleague as this would be seen to be siding with the ‘miscreant.’

'She started hearing negative things about her being circulated among the staff and other teachers soon began ignoring her in the staffroom'

Someone had concocted a ‘problem’ regarding a person on the staff which had to be ‘dealt’ with. Of course, such a problem was affecting the morale of staff etc. etc. and had to be 'nipped in the bud.' The principal and her acolytes actioned their plan. The school principal asserted that:

‘Serious claims by others had been made against her’

The consequences

Slowly her mind and body grew tired of the incessant innuendo and enforced isolation. Her colleagues wanted to protect themselves and in doing so became enablers; they allowed this to happen. The bully was in the driver’s seat and her sycophant co bully passengers went along for the ride.

'Initially I just started getting sick, getting colds, my immune system went into decline'

Her body was winding down as her immune system allowed opportune bugs to find their way in to cause sickness. Her health continued to decline. Things were so dire that she:

'Eventually tried to commit suicide'

Principals who bully:

‘Single out a target for constant criticism, can make unreasonable demands, and provide critical and inconsistent directions.’

The bully principal will have a right-hand person perhaps to take notes, to add to and embellish the narrative of ‘the toxic teacher.’ He or she has a job to protect, and the teacher target is just collateral damage.

The bully boss profile

The experience of this person is not unfortunately an isolated case. If you find yourself the target of the boss bully, there are ways you can tell if your boss is a bully. You can read an article called When Your Boss is a bully by Ronald E Riggio, who identifies eight tell-tale signs your boss is a bully:

  1. Does your boss blame you for fabricated "errors"?
  2. Are you given unreasonable job demands or goals?
  3. Does your boss threaten you with pay cuts or being fired?
  4. Does your boss insult you and/or criticize your abilities? Does this happen in front of others?
  5. Are you excluded by the bully and his/her "henchpeople" or given the silent treatment?
  6. Does your boss yell, scream, or curse at you?
  7. Does your boss inconsistently enforce rules?
  8. Does your boss deny or discount your accomplishments and/or take credit for your success?
  9. They have ‘eyes and ears,’ someone who reports what they see and hear.

If you want to find out more about workplace bullying, you may find these websites useful.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201002/is-your-boss-a-bully-take-this-test

https://www.hracuity.com/blog/how-to-identify-exclusion-in-the-workplace-5-examples/

https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/employers/workplace-bullying-violence-harassment-and-bullying-fact-sheet

Safe Work Australia

Heads Up

Health Direct

Human Rights

Giulio is an ED.D. candidate at the University of South Australia. He is a student counsellor in the public school system and specialises in Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. He is also a consultant to schools in counselling-based behaviour education systems in school. He is the author of two self-published teacher/counsellor resources; People and Emotions and Have a Go Spaghettio! both endorsed by Dr. Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. He is a member of the International Committee for The Advancement of Rational Emotive Education.

 

Sunday 20 June 2021

I didn’t do it!

Why it is that some can’t acknowledge a mistake or oversight when a simple admission of ‘yes it was me’ would be quite the ordinary thing to do. Everyone would understand; don’t we all make mistakes? Remember the Fonz from Happy Days? He couldn’t say sorry because the Fonz was perfect so how could he ever make a mistake?


There’s a person I knew once, who was a bit Fonz like in his estimation of himself, though nowhere near as endearing, who would not acknowledge any wrong doing or mistakes that he may have made and would cast aspersions elsewhere on others who were not ‘as fastidious’ as he!

This person however was very vigilant and sensitive to the behaviours of others. Once, when a person ‘committed’ a minor, innocuous ‘infringement’ of expected norms, he said to the miscreant, ‘it was you who left the fridge door open in the kitchen! I know it was you! Just don’t do it!’

Now, you may be thinking, 'surely that can’t be true, so much fuss over a simple everyday happening?' No, it was characteristic of this person, always predictably intransigent in his attitudes towards specific others (he had his favourites!).

What assumptions did this person make about others? Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, would suggest there are some, what he called, ‘musturbatory’ thinking going on here. These black and white beliefs see people and life in black and white terms, either this way or that way; no in between grey area thinking allowed! A ‘musturbator’ was he! Many would opine that he was just an ordinary, everyday bully cum tyrant whose toxicity was palpable. Many would also comment on how the workplace was that much better when he was away! 

Essentially, according to REBT, our non-Fonz like manager, expected people to behave as he thought they should, no ifs nor buts! And if they didn’t? They were bad people (unless a favourite!) who deserved everything they got!


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday 11 June 2013

Children with poor self worth are more likely to be bullied

This article (starting below the photograph) was written by Adelaide Advertiser journalist Martina Simos which was published on 9th June 2013. The article comments on research done by myself (Giulio Bortolozzo) and Dr. Ken Rigby on student attitudes/beliefs/constructed personal philosophies and how these are linked to bullying (bully-vcitim-bystander behaviours).

The Whyalla REBE (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) School Cluster is implementing the REBE counselling based student behaviour development program. This involves the explicit teaching of Unconditional Self Acceptance and Unconditional Other Acceptance to students which helsp students understand how the 'habits of thinking' they have formed are linked to how they feel and behave. The research mentioned below suggests that students who develop Unconditional Self Acceptance are less likely to be the victims of bullying. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is a school wide system of behaviour development and as Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators, Whyalla teachers address bullying as part of daily teaching/learning routines.


Picture courtesy of AdelaideNow. Journalist: Martina Simos

MORE than one-in-10 South Australian students in disadvantaged areas have negative thoughts about themselves which is making them easy targets for bullying, new research has found.


The report, How Schoolchildren's Acceptance Of Self And Others Relate To Their Attitudes To Victims Of Bullying, co-authored by bullying expert Adjunct Research Professor Ken Rigby and Giulio Bortolozzo, has been published in the Social Psychology of Education: An International Journal.

The main findings, which analysed responses to questionnaires sent to 212 primary and secondary students aged between nine and 14 in disadvantaged areas, were:

TWENTY-FOUR per cent of children recorded hostile thoughts towards others.

ELEVEN per cent showed negative attitudes towards themselves.

CHILDREN who were positive about others were more likely to intervene in bullying incidents as bystanders.

The researchers believe children who have negative views about themselves need help - to become more resilient, assertive and safer - and if they have hostile views towards others, they need to learn tolerance to curb bullying behaviour.

Prof Rigby said the findings indicate school initiatives could address bullying by introducing co-operative learning and circle time where students discuss concerns in a supportive environment.

"We believe the best help for these children can be provided by teaching them to think more positively about themselves and others through the use of classroom lessons in rational emotive education," Prof Rigby said.

"Relevant are peer support programs and strategies undertaken to promote positive bystander behaviour."

Prof Rigby said: "It may come as a surprise to learn that so many South Australian schoolchildren harbour extremely negative thoughts about themselves and feel they cannot accept themselves as worthy people."

"These children were far more likely to be bullied than others," he said

by Martina Simos AdelaideNow

Friday 15 June 2012

That's Silly


Young children have a great sense of the ridiculous and hence have fun with rhymes and expressions that are nonsensical and whacky. Appealing to their seemingly innate sense of the quirky helps to get across useful ideas and strategies that can help them in life.

Having fun is important for you as well as your students and delving into the ridiculous is an end in itself I find! As an educator and counsellor working in the early childhood sector I have been known to dabble in the daft, query the quirky and to ponder peculiar prose!

Spike Milligan was prolifically nonsensical and left us with classics like the Ning Nang Nong, which somehow appealed to our sense of fun. I never tire of the old Maxwell Smart reruns, laughing heartily at the antics of the eccentric Agent 86! And Tommy Cooper (if you’re old enough to remember) was altogether a unique individual who was a master of the absurd.

Cooper: ‘Can you give me something for wind?’
Doctor: ‘Here’s a kite. Go and fly it.’

Appealing to children’s ‘sense of the silly’ is a useful way to help young ones explore the topic of bullying in a fun way.

 
The poem below is one I have used to show students how humour can offset the debilitating and hurtful effects of bullying. It is a teaching tool to:

·      Introduce the topic i.e. what does it (bullying) look like, sound like and act like?
·      Why do others do this?
·      What can we do about it (explore all options)

Perhaps you can try this with my poem ‘You Are Dumb!’ and see how you go.


You are dumb!

You are dumb
She said to me
So I said
Dumb, diddly
Dumb dumpty dee!

You are stupid
They said to me
So I said
Stupid dupid
Fiddly Fee!

You are a nerd
He said to me
So I said
Nerd niddly nerd
niddly nerd nernee!

You smell
They said to me
So I said
Smell jelly smelly
Smell stinky pee!

My friend Max
She said to me
You are my pal
Cuddly dee dee
Cuddly cuddly dee!

For whatever reason people can behave unkindly and this is to be expected for life is unfair. Whilst we would like everyone in the world to be respectful and kind we can learn to accept that this cannot be so and we can practice Unconditionally Accepting Ourselves (and others).

The poems message is that not everyone is mean, you are ok anyway and how people view you does not in the end define you!











Monday 20 June 2011

RESEARCH: Acceptance of Self and Others among Children: Implications for Bullying in Schools

This soon to be published research paper by Dr. Ken Rigby and Giulio Bortolozzo explores the attitudes of 212 middle school students towards themselves and others. As hypothesised, acceptance of self was significantly correlated with low levels of victimization and acceptance of others with low levels of bullying.

The intention of this post is to explore the implications of these findings for schools and teaching practice and suggest strategies (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) to address bullying in our schools. But before that, a cautionary note!

A study by Dr Ken Rigby (Uni SA) and Peter Smith (Goldsmith College, London) reveal that 75 per cent of reports obtained from 27 countries (between 1990 and 2009) indicate a significant drop in student reported bullying and only 11 per cent reported an increase in occasional bullying.

In a recent article (Bullying going down, not up, Adelaide Advertiser, June 10th) Rigby reminds us that whilst the public perception may be that bullying is on the rise, the evidence suggests otherwise. Rigby believes that this perception:

‘… is due to the considerable raising of alarm about bullying and its effects over the past 15 years or so, and the increase in the reporting of serious incidents."

He goes on to say that:

"Stressing the serious effects of bullying is one understandable way of getting attention to the problem. Unfortunately doing so distorts the picture and takes attention from the many positive things that can be done, and are being done around the world, to address the problem more effectively."

Habits of Thinking and Victim Behaviour

# Unconditional Self-acceptance (USA) is the belief that self worth is not given to or bestowed on us by someone or something. It is given that a person is worthwhile because she exists and not because someone deems her so! This healthy (self helpful, rational) belief enables us to deal effectively with difficult situations (emotionally and behaviourally).

Insight 1 for students: Self-acceptance is a (healthy) belief. It is deeply held and is expressed in the way we behave and feel in day-to-day life. It is not connected to how well we do at something or how others view us. The belief that when we do good/bad we are not good/bad is an important insight to have. Doing and being are different ideas! This healthy belief is a protective factor against bullying.

As Jonas Salk (creator of the polio vaccine) replied to Martin Seligman (psychologist/author) when asked what he would do if he were a young scientist today:

‘I'd do immunisation. But instead of doing it physically, I'd do it psychologically.'

Dr. Albert Ellis (creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) would say that teaching unconditional self-acceptance, ‘psychologically immunises’ students against the scourge of undue anxiety, depression and other emotional disturbance.

# Conditional Self-Acceptance is the belief that self worth is given to or bestowed on us by someone. It is a belief that a person is worthwhile only when someone deems her so! This unhealthy (self defeating, irrational) belief stops us from dealing effectively with difficult situations (emotionally and behaviourally) and may put us at risk of being bullied.

Insight 2 for students: Conditional self-acceptance is an unhealthy belief. It is a deeply held belief that gives rise to depression and anxiety because of the individuals need for the approval of others. Because we believe we are only worthwhile when others ‘tell’ us so we are at great risk because there is the reality that others we may like, may not like us.

Conditional acceptance of self is the belief that that we are only worthwhile when significant others deem us so or when we do well at something. This, Ellis reminds us, is self-esteem the ‘worst sickness known to man or woman!’ (See previous posts)

Our research says that many students who have constructed the irrational belief that their worth depends on others (Serious Approval Dependence SAD) may be prone to bullying. Why? They may believe that they deserve it and signal that they are not confident through their behaviour: e.g. withdrawn, passive. These behaviours will be accompanied by e.g. fear, anxiety, and depression.

Habits of Thinking and Bully Behaviour

# Unconditional acceptance of others equates with respect and tolerance. This is a healthy habit of thinking/behaving, which accommodates a range of qualities and characteristics observed in other people. When we hold this belief we accept that others are worthwhile irrespective of how they behave. Whilst having such an attitude we retain the right to choose whom we would like to associate with. We can for instance decide not to associate with a particular other for a disagreeable quality she may have but we do not then decide she is totally bad and treat her disrespectfully!

Insight 3 for students: Unconditional acceptance of others is a healthy habit of thinking. It means we are made up of an infinite number of qualities and characteristics and we cannot be defined according to any particular one of them e.g. if we do a ‘bad’ thing (steal a pencil) we are not totally bad. Conversely if we do something ‘good’ (feed the cat) we are not totally good. We can dislike an aspect of another’s personality or behaviour and choose not to associate with them but we respect them as fellow human beings of intrinsic worth.

# Conditional other acceptance equates with disrespect for others. This is an unhealthy habit of thinking. It drives intolerance towards others behaviours and qualities which we may find different, disagreeable, quirky etc. It allows some people in some situations to hurt others because they are ‘different’ ‘not normal’ etc who ‘deserve to be punished.’

Insight 4 for students: Conditional acceptance of others is an unhealthy habit of thinking. When we think like this we act inappropriately towards others because we tend to judge someone’s total being according to a behaviour or characteristic we may not like or approve of. It is quite ok to judge the behaviour as ‘bad’ but not the person.

A whole school approach to teaching these concepts through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education will do the following:

• Reinforce healthy attitudes and beliefs already held by resilient students
• Begin to challenge the unhealthy attitudes and beliefs held by vulnerable students and to help them build new healthy habits of thinking
• Help students understand that what they believe is connected to how they feel and behave

If students accept themselves unconditionally, they will understand that what people think of them is not as important as what they think/believe about themselves. They will tend not to depend on the approval of others and will therefore be less affected by any unfair and hurtful attention. They will be more self assured and assertive.

The research (Bortolozzo, Rigby) strongly supports the teaching of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy/Education as an effective anti bullying strategy especially in regard to helping those students who may be at risk of being bullied.

There are many REBT based resources available to teachers. I have written two resources People and Emotions for primary and secondary students and Have a Go Spaghettio! for early childhood learners. Anyone who would wish to purchase a copy can contact me via this blog site. You can visit www.rebtnetwork.org for additional information and resources.

These are some of the latest publications by Dr. Ken Rigby, which can be sourced at http://www.kenrigby.net/

Ken Rigby (2010) Bullying Interventions: Six basic approaches. Camberwell: ACER Press
Ken Rigby (2009) Bullying in Schools: Six Methods of Intervention (the DVD): Loggerheads.
Ken Rigby (2010) Addressing School bullying: Education Queensland
Australian Government report on the Method of Shared Concern by Rigby and Griffiths
Responding to school bullying: a resource for teachers

Monday 8 March 2010

REBT and Bullying

Recent research by Giulio Bortolozzo and Dr. Ken Rigby has shown that low self worth is associated with a tendency to be victimised. Dr. Ellis' Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) helps individuals understand that others’ views of them don't define who they are. These individuals understand that rejection and failure cannot diminish their worth - they can be rejected but can never be a reject, they can fail but are never a failure. The research also shows that bullies tend not to accept others. They may view others who are different as being losers or nerds and decide it's ok to bully them because they are not 'normal'. Ellis calls this Conditional Other Acceptance (COA). The research establishes that there is a relationship between how people view themselves and others and bully and victim behaviour.

Ellis invites educators to teach the self-helpful rational beliefs of Unconditional Self/Other Acceptance. If children develop (construct) the belief that they are only worthwhile when they are approved by significant others then they will be vulnerable to the negative opinions of others. If children construct a belief that others are OK only when they satisfy certain conditions e.g. look a certain way, behave a certain way they may tend to bully others.

These irrational beliefs can be challenged and children can 'unlearn' the harmful ideas that underpin how they behave (victim or bully). This can be done by applying REBT principles via all school processes and practices, through BEHAVIOUR EDUCATION.

Harmful, irrational ideas undermine our capacity to make healthy decisions and to manage unhealthy negative emotions like anger and anxiety. Dr. Rigby recently made the point that whilst bullying remains a major concern in schools and beyond we would be wise not to believe that it's out of control and to think that a punitive approach would solve the problem. In fact, there is now reliable evidence that (i) the prevalence of bullying in schools is becoming less frequent and (ii) well-evaluated interventions have demonstrated that some programs have led to significant reductions in peer victimisation. Irrational and unsubstantiated claims to the contrary can prevent the adoption of such programs. These are examined in detail in Ken Rigby's new book: 'Bullying Interventions: Six Basic Approaches'. Melbourne, ACER, 2010.

The poem below by Giulio Bortolozzo was inspired by Ellis' ideas of Unconditional Acceptance of Self and Others.

Bully for You

Do you think you have nothing to offer?
Use self-talk which is negative and untrue
And you don’t think you amount to much?
Then I have just the thing for you!

Bully for you, bully for you
I have a bully for you!

I look for people to victimise
My admiring buddies think I’m great
I like to see fear in your eyes
You deserve to suffer mate!

Bully for you, bully for you
I’m the bully for you.

I will persist, never let up
I don’t consider how you feel
My life’s work is to see you suffer
You don’t matter; you’re no big deal

Bully for you, bully for you
I’m the bully for you!

We control our thoughts
We are what we perceive
We can choose to be powerless victims
Until we change what we believe

Victim for you, victim for you
Will I be the victim for you?

I’m a worthwhile person
I have qualities unique to me
We are all different from each other
That makes us the same you see?

No, I will not allow you to bully
You don’t have my permission you see
I will not be your sporting obsession
You are not the bully for me!

Bully for me, bully for me.
You are not the bully for me.

The cloak of silence
Is the bully’s best friend
So speak out, everybody!
It’s the cloak that’s specially tailored
For you and for me!

The ABC’s of REBE - Rational Emotive Behaviour Education

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education (REBE) is a powerful teaching tool to use in the classroom at any level. It is based on REBT (Rational ...