The Dalai Lama says to be kind wherever possible and that
it’s always possible. He talks about ‘cultivating’ attitudes of kindness and to practise empathy and sincere concern for others. Then there’s ‘mindfulness’,
practising awareness of our feelings and actions and our underlying attitudes. What
are we doing? How are we feeling? How are we behaving?
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| Kindness is catching! |
Albert Ellis talks about unconditional acceptance of
others (UOA). This entails consciously and intentionally being aware of our prejudices
and dislikes when considering others and not judging them totally on the basis
of a disagreeable (to you) quality or characteristic.
Random acts of kindness it is said is as good for the
giver as it is for the receiver (givee?) because it engenders feelings of
empathy and concern. It enables the release of endorphins which produce the ‘natural
high’ we may experience.
We can choose to act kindly towards others and the trick
it seems is not to accept anything in return. There’s always a payoff of course.
Even the most altruistic among us would acknowledge that we get some kind of
reward even if it’s just an endorphin fix! This is my take on Ellis’ UOA. Treat
others respectfully, with kindness because they are fellow human beings (like
me) and are worthy of respect. At the same time I can choose to dislike aspects
of their character/personality that leads me to decide not to want to associate
with them. That’s my choice but I won’t damn them totally.
The Dalai Lama presented a blessed white silk scarf to Albert
Ellis on his 90th birthday a gesture underpinned by a strong mutual
respect and understanding. Ellis’ REBT offers a philosophical based counselling
model of mind to teach children about thinking, feeling and behaving. This
marries well with the teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and is therefore
of great potential benefit to students of all ages.
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| Dr. Ellis and The Dalai Lama on the same page |
These principles are taught in daily teaching practise
through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education in many schools in South
Australia. Students are taught about helpful ‘habits of believing’ that direct
healthy behavioural choices and emotions. One of these is Unconditional Acceptance
of Others, the underlying philosophical belief of the act of kindness – no conditions,
no strings.
Kindness based on the conditions you may place on the
other is a different kettle of fish. This is the ‘what’s in it for me’ approach
to kindness and is largely what fair weather friendships are made of. And of
course there is the principle of ‘enlightened self-interest’ where a relationship
is based on a give and take understanding, which is a healthy situation, where
each know the rules of engagement.
But that’s all for another blog item but remember it’s
cool to be kind!
