I saw the sign ‘head for rent’ and thought I couldn’t
possibly pass up such an opportunity. I’ll pay in kind of course (as I don’t
materially exist) and I can be a helpful adviser to you but I am you at the
same time. How can that be you ponder? All I can say is that I am me talking to
you but you are me and so you are talking to yourself. If that’s giving you a headache,
I can’t empathise because I don’t have a head but I live inside yours. I’m the
talk you hear inside your head, I’m Brain Friend and I’m here to stay.
Two of us are
one
We are in
this together
We will work
hard to move ahead
Even in
stormy weather!
Your previous tenant, old Brain Bully had set up
permanent residence here and by all accounts had a great time making you sad
and causing you not to try all those things you would like to do because he
told you ‘you’re so dumb. Don’t even try. What’s the point?’ There are some
reminders of his presence here. I can see the tear stains on your eyes from
your quiet and private crying. I will help your eyes sparkle, to help you stand
tall. You will feel more confident if you trust in me, if you trust in you!
Brain Bully could have stayed around a while if it
wasn’t for your teacher in year 4 who said your sadness and loneliness was
caused by your BB thinking. She was on the ball when she said the type of
self-talk you used was unhelpful and she gave a name to it Brain Bully. You
were bullying yourself all that time. When someone called you a name you agreed
with them. When Brain Bully said ‘you deserve it, you are a retard. You’re not
worth anything’ you were bullying yourself! You were ganging up on YOU and
joining other people who would want to put you down.
No more! I’m here, Brain
Friend and into the future we go! Things have changed for you as you practice
your Brain Friend self-talk and thinking. Brain Bully hasn’t gone far though
and he is still hanging around. He misses being here and he will try again to
move in if we are not very vigilant. So our work will never stop and we will
always be on the lookout for BB, the sadness maker.
But we will practice and you will have homework to do.
It’s more like headwork than homework but you’ll be doing it forever. You know
a bit like the signs you see on the roadway saying ‘roadwork ahead’ where we
have to slow down and make sure we do the safe and sensible thing to ensure the
roads can be as good as they can be. Well imagine signs like ‘headwork in
progress’ in your head where Brain Friend is keeping the place (your headspace)
safe and in good working order so you can act and feel OK.
You gave BB the heave when you realised he was doing
you no favours. You had told yourself for so long that you were no good you
actually believed it. Some important people around you along the way didn’t
help either, because they demanded you should be a good person and when you
couldn’t be perfect all the time you thought there was something wrong with
you. Remember BB saying ‘I should have done better’ and ‘see, I can’t do it’
and ‘I’m such a loser?’ In the end you wouldn’t try because BB said ‘you can’t
do it so don’t try. It will only prove you are a loser.’
Things have changed and people say that you walk with
a spring in your step that you walk tall and you smile more. Your headwork is paying
dividends for you as you feel a lot better, you’re optimistic and bounce back
quickly from disappointment. Way to go!
