REBTOZ

Some not only wish that life were as they would want it to be but insist it should be so. This fanciful way of thinking projects a world where everything is as it ‘oughta be.’ Do you ought should or must on yourself, others and the world? Must you always meet your own lofty expectations of yourself? Must others always treat you as you would like to be treated? Must life in general always deliver what you want? This form of oughtism manifests in all manner of ailments that get in the way of achieving our goals. For instance ‘should’ that driver have let you in back there and is he an idiot for not being as attentive as he could (should?) have been? Are you a hopeless case for getting a C minus in your assignment instead of the A you ‘should’ have got? Should life be easy for you and deliver to you all that you want to be happy? Isn’t it so unfair when things don’t go your way? These constructed oughtistic beliefs deny us the ability to deal with ch...

Sam’s teacher has introduced the Emotional Thermometer to the class and the students know now that irrational thinking is hurtful, its makes strong unhealthy emotions and poor behavioural choices. They know its Brain Bully (BB) trying to trick them. BB is saying: ‘I can’t do this! It’s unfair. I’m dumb.’ Teacher: ‘These are not true! Are they children?’ Children: ‘NO THEY’RE NOT! Teacher:  ‘We won’t let Brain Bully win will we? Children:  ‘NO WE WON’T!’ They also know that Brain Friend tells the truth and makes healthy, manageable negative emotions. BF says, ‘this is hard but I can try.’ ‘I’m not dumb if I make a mistake.’ ‘I’m always OK.’ Teacher: ‘These are true! What do you think children?’ Children: Yes they are. We want BF to win! GET LOST BRAIN BULLY!’ This kind of learning is reinforced across all teaching/learning curriculum areas or if you are a parent the same a...

Sam feels angry in class when she can’t get something she wants. Sam is six and has been at school for just a short time and her anger is stopping her from being successful. She gives up on tasks and just ‘has to have’ her friends hat which is newer than hers and she snatches it away! She isn’t making friends too readily and it’s hard to hold on to them when she does! She is bossy with others and is very insistent and demanding. What are her rules? What beliefs has she constructed that drive her unhealthy emotions and behaviours? What can the teacher do to help her in the classroom? Her teacher referred her to me (school counsellor) outlining her concerns for this student. I spent some time in Sam’s classroom and observed her at work and play. I could see why the teacher had concerns for her and so I met with her after school to talk about a plan to help Sam. As a Rational Emotive Behaviour Counsellor I consider Sam’s behaviour to be the expression of some irrational r...

Little Max is a 6-year-old boy whose teacher has referred him to the school counsellor. His teacher is concerned that he seems agitated a lot of the time especially when other kids are not 'being good.’  When the teacher appears to be angry his concern is heightened. Max’s anxiety is stopping him from engaging in his learning and it is effecting his overall school experience in a negative way. Is that the way ‘he is’, his nature and he can’t do much about his natural tendency to experience anxiety a lot of the time? What is driving this extreme emotional discomfort and what can be done about it? He may have inherited a genetic predisposition towards anxiety and it may be a characteristic of other family members to a lesser or greater extent.  He will also have ‘learned’ how to feel anxious, he may have been taught how to feel this way. As a counsellor I want to know what core philosophical beliefs has Max constructed that drive his anxiety, what does he believe? Wh...