REBTOZ

  Ms Prudence Putty – Nose went to a counsellor because she was flying off the handle a bit when she didn’t get what she wanted and she lasted one session. The counsellor said that her sense of her own exceptionalism, that she was a better breed of person and that others should see this and act accordingly was the cause of her high anxiety and need of approval. Ms Putty   Nose was affronted by this and could not see how she was responsible for how she felt and behaved and not the furniture, the weather, or the popularity of a teacher peer she despised and she decided that counselling wasn’t for her. She was even resentful of a teacher colleague who had cancer, as her condition was taking away precious attention from her. ‘I wish she didn’t get cancer. It’s not fair,’ she thought. "Cancer envy" is a recognized, complex, and often shame-inducing emotion where individuals may envy the attention, support, or care others receive during a cancer diagnosis.” She went back to her ...

The narcissist has an approval need receptacle somewhere in their subconscious. It leaks like a sieve it seems, and the more its fed by admiring others, the need to be admired never diminishes, it just intensifies. No matter how much they are adored and revered, too much is never enough. They are constantly in ‘tell me how much you love me' mode .  If we were to suggest a rule that drives this kind of need it might be: ‘I need your approval for me to feel OK about myself.’ Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, created by Albert Ellis, would suggest, that this kind of need is characterised by an attitude of demand , a belief that one must  get what one wants i.e., the approval of others because only then will one feel OK about themselves. This is what Ellis calls ‘musturbatory’ thinking, where the person believes they absolutely  must have the approval of others if they are to feel OK, to have and maintain positive self-worth. This need puts that person at considerab...