REBTOZ

A semantic disturbance arises when a person’s constructed virtual representation of reality or mind map doesn’t approximate how things are, the territory, the ‘real’ world. Bear in mind that Einstein and others said that reality itself is a persistent illusion, something concocted based on the organism’s assessment of how they believe things are. A poor assessment, one that doesn’t consider the facts available, is a mis conception or misunderstanding. What we believe or tell ourselves about something is semantically inaccurate and therefore a semantic disturbance exists. This is characterised by feelings of upset to varying degrees, or ‘upsetness’ as Dr Albert Ellis says. Alfred Korzybski ’s General Semantics theory tells us the map is not the territory it represents or the word is not the thing it describes. The ‘self’ under construction in the minds of our young Have a Go Spaghettio! audience can be a helpful, healthy Success Helper type or one that is self-defeating, where Brain ...

Dr. Albert Ellis uses the term ‘upsetness’ to describe a persons’ emotional discomfort when something unwanted has occurred. He says the intensity of the person’s ‘upsetness’ is not caused directly by the event or happening itself. Of course the event has a bearing on the emotional and behavioural outcome but that’s not the whole story. Dr. Albert Ellis, creator of REBT A young 7 year old student at my school was out of sorts; crying and quite inconsolable. After a while when he had gathered himself a little, we began to chat about what had happened. His favourite squishy toy had a small puncture and it was oozing its white fluid contents. He clearly saw this as a significant unwanted occurrence that initially triggered extreme emotional discomfort. Why did he feel as he did? Or more specifically why was his emotional response to the situation so extreme? Firstly, why is the child’s emotional response considered extreme? We can agree that the child was feeling upset but perhaps ...

Shit and fans have been part of our vernacular for as long as I can remember. Pear and shaped ditto. These words together help describe colloquially situations that are unwelcome. Pain and arse also come to mind! What to do when the proverbial hits the wotsit ? The amount of the proverbial and size of the fan is significant; how big is the problem? The amount and size is relative to how we may perceive the situation or how we 'estimate' the severity of it! As  Marcus Aurelius said:  “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”  Is the problem of catastrophic proportions, pretty big or just a pain? Young children find it useful to learn about the catastrophe scale. This scale helps them see how problems can be arranged in terms of how big/significant they are to the young person. They learn to ask themselves 'is it as bad as..?' If not then...

The 70's and 80's heralded the introduction of the 'warm fuzzies' movement. I recall a colleague saying thanks for the 'warm fuzzies' when congratulated on something he'd done. He and others would talk about giving and receiving warm fuzzies and how if you 'just be positive' things will work out in your favour. I'm all for people feeling OK and encouraging others but I would recoil at the mere mention of them (warm fuzzies). And the word 'just' invoked a level of discomfort; as if you could flick a switch and all would be well! Just think positive. Just believe in yourself. Just have faith in yourself. You are special etc. This as useful as responding to someones concerns relative to how 'this happened to me. I know exactly how you feel. Just think positive!' Sometimes all you can do is listen and that's good enough. We can feel compelled to fill the wordless void by offering platitudes and assurances that may not be...

'I cant stand it when people don't acknowledge me when I wave to them!' says the TV celebrity. 'I can't stand rude people. They make me so angry!' So exclaimed well known celebrity X on a popular morning show. What is she declaring when speaking so? What shoulds oughts and musts are implied in this statement? Rational Emotive Behaviour Counsellors would, as Albert Ellis put it, 'cherchez le shoulds' in the counselling discourse. What 'thinking rules' underscore her tendency to judge another's personhood (they are rude!) based on a particular disagreeable act? Why would such a behaviour be so disagreeable that she couldn't stand it? What is making her so mad? Irrational Perspective 1. A person can act badly but does this make her totally bad? If someone acts rudely is she a rude person? Thinking rule: She should acknowledge me ! (No she shouldn't) 2. Why can't she tolerate what is a relatively minor inconvenience....

The young student was sure he was a bad kid. ‘How do you know that?’ I asked. ‘I make my mum angry all the time’ he said. ‘Tell me about the last time you made her angry’ I enquired. ‘The other day when I wouldn't brush my teeth. I wanted to watch the TV longer and she got madder and madder. It’s my fault. She said I made her mad. My mum would be happier if I was a good kid.’ I'm a bad kid! This is typical of this student who believes he’s bad based on the evidence he has had before him. What evidence might that be? What sense (or non-sense) has he made from his experiences to date? What conclusions has he drawn about himself, others and the worlds (life)? Not very helpful or healthy ones it would appear! Constructivist theory would say that our young subject has constructed some unhelpful ‘habits of thinking and believing’ and he has concluded: He is bad because he does bad things (I don’t like me) He makes his mum mad (She doesn’t like me) Where do yo...

What is a  Bonsai  child  ? It's a new term to describe the child who has been over tended to, fussed over and over supervised. When something happens at school an  enquiry  is needed to get to the bottom of 'why Isabella fell out with her friend and what did the school do about it as she is such a  sensitive  child!' Is Isabella temporarily sad or is she depressed. Could be either but it's important to know the difference.  Clinical psychologist and researcher Judith Locke writes in her book The Bonsai Child  "A sense of melancholy is labelled depression; any trepidation is labelled anxiety. A friendship fight is bullying." The Bonsai Child  is her term for children who are over-nurtured. Michael  Carr-Gregg talks about  marshmallow kids  a generation of children who are afraid to fail. Do they experience healthy disappointment when they don't achieve their goals and wants or do they feel unhealthily de...