'I'm Angry!' Supporting a young person via Have a the Go Spaghettio! approach

Children can express anger through ‘meltdowns’, aggressive behaviour which indicate difficulty in regulating their emotions. The child is attempting to interpret/make sense of what’s happening around them, learning to self-regulate hopefully in time. They are learning to manage their emotions and Have a Go Spaghettio! can help!

My name’s Brain Bully and I really can do your head in!

My name’s Brain Bully (BB) and you most probably don’t know me and that’s a problem for you. Why? Because I am a major player in how you might feel about yourself, others and the world in general.

BB represents irrational belief constructions which don't allow the child to 'see' things in there true (rational) perspective. 

Have a Go Spaghettio! Give it a try banana pie!

Brain Friend Moves In

I saw the sign ‘head for rent’ and thought I couldn’t possibly pass up such an opportunity. I’ll pay in kind of course (as I don’t materially exist) and I can be a helpful adviser to you but I am you at the same time. How can that be you ponder? All I can say is that I am me talking to you but you are me and so you are talking to yourself. If that’s giving you a headache, I can’t empathise because I don’t have a head but I live inside yours. I’m the talk you hear inside your head, I’m Brain Friend and I’m here to stay.

Two of us are one

We are in this together

We will work hard to move ahead

Even in stormy weather!

Your previous tenant, old Brain Bully had set up permanent residence here and by all accounts had a great time making you sad and causing you not to try all those things you would like to do because he told you ‘you’re so dumb. Don’t even try. What’s the point?’ There are some reminders of his presence here. I can see the tear stains on your eyes from your quiet and private crying. I will help your eyes sparkle, to help you stand tall. You will feel more confident if you trust in me, if you trust in you!

Brain Bully could have stayed around a while if it wasn’t for your teacher in year 4 who said your sadness and loneliness was caused by your BB thinking. She was on the ball when she said the type of self-talk you used was unhelpful and she gave a name to it Brain Bully. You were bullying yourself all that time. When someone called you a name you agreed with them. When Brain Bully said ‘you deserve it, you are a retard. You’re not worth anything’ you were bullying yourself! You were ganging up on YOU and joining other people who would want to put you down. 

No more! I’m here, Brain Friend and into the future we go! Things have changed for you as you practice your Brain Friend self-talk and thinking. Brain Bully hasn’t gone far though and he is still hanging around. He misses being here and he will try again to move in if we are not very vigilant. So our work will never stop and we will always be on the lookout for BB, the sadness maker.

But we will practice and you will have homework to do. It’s more like headwork than homework but you’ll be doing it forever. You know a bit like the signs you see on the roadway saying ‘roadwork ahead’ where we have to slow down and make sure we do the safe and sensible thing to ensure the roads can be as good as they can be. Well imagine signs like ‘headwork in progress’ in your head where Brain Friend is keeping the place (your headspace) safe and in good working order so you can act and feel OK.

You gave BB the heave when you realised he was doing you no favours. You had told yourself for so long that you were no good you actually believed it. Some important people around you along the way didn’t help either, because they demanded you should be a good person and when you couldn’t be perfect all the time you thought there was something wrong with you. Remember BB saying ‘I should have done better’ and ‘see, I can’t do it’ and ‘I’m such a loser?’ In the end you wouldn’t try because BB said ‘you can’t do it so don’t try. It will only prove you are a loser.’

Things have changed and people say that you walk with a spring in your step that you walk tall and you smile more. Your headwork is paying dividends for you as you feel a lot better, you’re optimistic and bounce back quickly from disappointment. Way to go!

                                                                                                                           

Have a Go Spaghettio!

Have a Go Spaghettio! is a program I wrote several years ago. It is based on Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy of Dr. Albert Ellis fame. I sent the draft to him not expecting a response but lo and behold he did reply! This is what he said:

“I read your presentation on ‘Have a Go Spaghettio!’ a resilience building program for young learners. It seems to hit the spot and be excellent for your young audience.”

I was well chuffed of course and I remain very thankful that he saw fit to take the time as he did to write back to me. A very generous gesture I thought which continues to inspire me in my work as a counsellor in schools here in South Australia.

The program has been well received in the early childhood teaching community as it presents key ideas of REBT to young learners in a fun way. It acquaints young learners to the idea that their individual thinking constructions impacts their ability to manage themselves effectively in daily life emotionally and behaviourally.

There are six competencies that children can learn about through the program. These strengths and capabilities are represented by certain colours which have been assigned catchy, quirky labels. This is the Have a Go Spaghettio! chart:

Have a Go Spaghettio!

The six Have a Go Spaghettio! success helper capabilities chart reminds children about the helpful choices they can make. These helpful choices (help us achieve our goals and desires) are linked to helpful habits of thinking or as I call it Brain Friend thinking. 

Teachers feedback to the behavioural choices the students are making thus e.g.

'You are working hard. Give it a try ... and the students respond ... banana pie!'

Another student is waiting patiently in line and the teacher says e.g.

'You are showing great patience and adds 'You are keeping coolio ... and the students will say ... at schoolio!'

The Have a Go Spaghettio! resource is full of ideas and strategies to help teachers help students develop the six capabilities mentioned in a fun way.

I will explain the 'I'm worthwhile crocodile' red success helper capability in my next post. But this short item is to acquaint you to the Have a Go! framework for early childhood.

If you want to know more about the program please feel free to contact Giulio at lozzog@gmail.com for more information.