REBTOZ

And the world continued to turn. His world turned within that world. In his world everything was neat, tidy, symmetrical, clean, and predictable. This was his template for ‘normal,’ the way things 'should' be. Ordered. His world was the way it 'must' be and the big world beyond was anything but. The tension between what he demanded of the world and how things were in reality was always close to breaking. Taut. Tense. 'The Angry Man.' We might talk of one world but there are many individually constructed worldviews. Mental health according to  Albert Ellis  is when we best align our own expectations and demands of self, others and life in general based on what we are most likely to get. If we don't want to feel uncomfortable and if we believe the world should give us what we want and it doesn't there is a disparity between what we want and what we receive! As Ellis reminds us: 'The world isn't for us or against us. It doesn't give a shit...

There’s two students in the yard (kids 1 and 2). They’re playing one on one basketball.  A game of one on one Another person (3) approaches and asks to join in. He’s told as it’s a one on one game so another player isn’t needed. He waits a while and moves on. Another child comes by (4) and asks the same question and the basketball players say it’s a one on one and another player is not required. This is said respectfully and assertively to the third person. The news is not received well. This student (4) goes into a rage and throws their basketball away which ultimately comes to the notice of the teacher on yard duty. Student 4 is asked to sit out and is talked to for his behaviour. Something happened in the lives of Kid 3 and Kid 4. They were both declined their request to join in the basketball game with 1 and 2. This is called the activating event, situation A. So A = they didn’t let me join in. Person 3 Felt OK about this. It (A) probably rated a 2 on the e...

What is a  Bonsai  child  ? It's a new term to describe the child who has been over tended to, fussed over and over supervised. When something happens at school an  enquiry  is needed to get to the bottom of 'why Isabella fell out with her friend and what did the school do about it as she is such a  sensitive  child!' Is Isabella temporarily sad or is she depressed. Could be either but it's important to know the difference.  Clinical psychologist and researcher Judith Locke writes in her book The Bonsai Child  "A sense of melancholy is labelled depression; any trepidation is labelled anxiety. A friendship fight is bullying." The Bonsai Child  is her term for children who are over-nurtured. Michael  Carr-Gregg talks about  marshmallow kids  a generation of children who are afraid to fail. Do they experience healthy disappointment when they don't achieve their goals and wants or do they feel unhealthily de...

Some not only wish that life were as they would want it to be but insist it should be so. This fanciful way of thinking projects a world where everything is as it ‘oughta be.’ Do you ought should or must on yourself, others and the world? Must you always meet your own lofty expectations of yourself? Must others always treat you as you would like to be treated? Must life in general always deliver what you want? This form of oughtism manifests in all manner of ailments that get in the way of achieving our goals. For instance ‘should’ that driver have let you in back there and is he an idiot for not being as attentive as he could (should?) have been? Are you a hopeless case for getting a C minus in your assignment instead of the A you ‘should’ have got? Should life be easy for you and deliver to you all that you want to be happy? Isn’t it so unfair when things don’t go your way? These constructed oughtistic beliefs deny us the ability to deal with ch...

‘You can’t teach young students the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and it should only be used by a trained psychologist in the counselling setting.’ Albert Ellis railed against this kind of misinformation put forth to preserve the status of the psychologist as ‘expert.’ Ellis of course wanted his ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance to be accessible to all, especially to teachers and students. Far better that young children learn why they feel and act as they do and to develop insights and skills preventatively and educatively in the school setting. Jonas Salk who created the polio vaccine hypothesised that if we could ‘psychologically immunise’ students they would be less prone to mental health issues and would probably be physically better off too. Bat Fink, the cartoon character said to his enemies ‘your bullets cannot harm me, my wings are like shields of steel?’ He would wrap his wings around himself deflecting any harmful bullets from hitting him, thwarting ...

The English lingo is replete with idioms that would pose a problem or two to a student with Aspergers Syndrome. Certain turns of phrase would be as clear as muddy water! She would remain none the wiser if you were to ask her to ‘pull your socks up’ or ‘pull your finger out'or 'take a chair!’ Are you with me? She’d be flat out trying to cop on to the message.   How difficult would it be to get a handle on the meaning of a message if it can only be taken literally. Consider the expressions ‘to get a handle on something’ and ‘turns of phrase’ mentioned above. Somehow we internalise these expressions, which make particular meanings and we draw them out of our linguistic hat and use them in the right place at the right time in the right context (We hope!). But what of the student who has Aspergers Syndrome?   What assumptions can we make about her capacity to understand these culturally specific idioms? I was once asked to observe a student in the classroom setting as the tea...

The REBE (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) brand of psychology says that to negotiate the road ahead requires competencies that will help students build resilience. The Australian Curriculum outlines seven general competencies that are promoted in schools. Personal and Social Competence is promoted through the whole school application of Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. REBE is a psychotherapy-based system of behaviour education based on the ABC Theory of Emotional (and behavioural) Disturbance. It teaches that the events in our lives PLUS our constructed beliefs (personal philosophies about self, others and life) drive our behavioural and emotional responses to situations (A+B=C). It is not the event itself alone that causes emotional and behavioural disturbance. (A=C). This is not a ‘think positive and everything will be OK’ approach, it is not the vacuous ‘there, there all will be OK’ mantra of the ‘warm fuzzy’ movement of the 80’s and 90’s. Each day students ...

Schools in Australia have a Sun Safe No Hat No Play Policy. This protects the long-term health of children in light of what we know about over exposure to the sun and skin damage. It’s a reasonable preventative health measure. A young child (6 years old) recently in a school playground was crying, hatless in a shaded area looking on as her ‘hat ready’ peers played on the playground equipment having the greatest time ever! I asked her what had happened (A=Activating event) and she replied ‘I can’t play on the playground with my friend because I have no hat!’ So I reflected back to her what she said (as counsellors do). ‘You have forgotten your hat and you can’t play with your friends. Is that right?’ ‘Yes.’ She said through a veil of tears. ‘How do you feel about this?’ I asked (Emotional Consequence of A=C). ‘I feel very sad because I can’t play with my friends on the equipment. The teacher said I have to stay in the shade. She is mean. She makes me mad...

Constructivist theory says we learn to behave according to what we observe going on around us. Our models of behaviour show us how to get what we want, how to respond to situations and how we can interact with others. If these models are helpful they will teach us that we can wait for things if we have to, that we can respect others (even when we don’t wish to associate with them) and we can remain confident even when we fail at something or suffer the rejection of others. If we live amongst such role models we will internalize (construct) some very useful ‘rules for living.’ Conversely if those around us show low frustration tolerance, who may get what they want through aggression and who take failure and rejection to heart then we are likely to internalise a different set of ‘rules for living.’ Such habits of thinking and behaving (helpful or unhelpful) will determine how successful or not we may be in achieving our goals in life. According to Dr Albert Ellis we can deconstruct those...