REBTOZ

Flowery language is: ‘designed to have a persuasive or impressive effect, but which is often regarded as lacking in sincerity or meaningful content .’ Dr. Albert Ellis was an efficient person by all accounts and was careful to say what he meant in his writing without employing unnecessary hyperbole or using grandiose and convoluted ways to impress his audience. He didn’t need to nor did he want to. Einstein said if you can’t explain something in simple terms you may not understand it. He encouraged people to: “Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.” This is not as easy as it sounds and requires effort and consideration. Schmaltz is another term that comes to mind to describe language used to ingratiate oneself with others; to over empathise. Sentimentality overload! What can be the purpose of these flowery utterances in an REBT sense? What would Dr. Ellis make of those inclined to fawn over and to flatter others excessively? At which point does the message b...

Many would say that bullies bully because they feel inferior and they get a 'self esteem' boost when they put others 'in their place.' Research Ken Rigby/Giulio Bortolozzo  suggests that bullies can have a healthy sense of self worth but may still be inclined to bully others. The research suggests that in schools we can focus on 'psychologically immunising' our students with a dose of Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA). Albert Ellis encourages us to develop our USA so we are less likely to be the targets of bullies because we will more inclined to act confidently. Bullies will tend to target those they perceive to be weak. Some would also say that bullying is a cowardly act! My experience of bullies suggests that this is so.  # REBT   # schools   # bullying   # mentalhealth Some people manage bullies well, whilst others don't. It's always a question of how well the prospective victim can learn to manage the bully. A 'good' bully will ...

This is typical of conversations I've had over the years working with young people. From early childhood to senior high school age the theme of most topics relates to the idea of 'being' and 'doing.' This exchange serves to illustrate the point that somehow Fred has decided that what he does is indeed who he is. Dr Albert Ellis in his  Alfred Korzybski Memorial Lecture 1961  on General Semantics and Rational Emotive (Behaviour) Therapy acknowledges that Alfred Korzybski, the originator of general semantics heavily influenced his own pioneering work. Korzybski spoke of the 'is' of predication and Ellis explains this here saying that: ' ... statements like, "I am good" and "I am bad" are inaccurate over generalisations, because in reality I am a person who sometimes acts in a good and sometimes in a bad manner.'   The notion that one 'is' good or bad is an errant one which can harm the emotional and psychological we...

What is nice? One person’s nice is not necessarily another person’s nice. How do we know we are nice is another consideration. People might comment on how obliging so and so is, that they are always available and seem so selfless and caring. This feedback either directly or via others might be comforting or assuring; it may also be affirming. Is this healthy?  Niceness can be healthy if there is no sense of unreasonable obligation to general others attached to it. That is, one has a healthy dedication to one’s own needs and wants. She knows what these are and tends to them without fear or favour. She is not addicted to the needs, demands and appraisals of others. She intuitively understands that her worth is not dependent on others (unless allowed!). As Eleanor Roosevelt said: If we worry about how others view us and we learn to need the affirmation of others we put ourselves at risk. What happens when we don’t get the acknowledgement we seek? What happens when our nic...

Teachers beginning their careers will be challenged in their practise when situations present that require strength and resilience. One of a couple of things I will offer when asked is not to allow the fear of the disapproval of students thwart their resolve to establish their authority as classroom leader. Why doesn't she like me? He doesn't seem to respond to my manner/style of teaching etc. Whilst these might prompt opportunities for reflection and review they don't need to become major 'crises of confidence.' Unless this is allowed to happen of course. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said:  What we believe about ourselves is reflected in our behaviour and in how we feel when presented with difficult situations. Unconditional self acceptance is a kind of psychological buttress against the negative views and opinions that others may have of us. So suggestion number one for new educators: take ideas, opinions, advice on board but don't let them define yo...

Have you heard a child, colleague (yourself!) use expressions such as she made me angry, if only the weather were better, I can’t stand it when things don’t go my way? These kind of self-talk statements indicate an underlying belief system which precipitates feelings and behaviours that are not self-helpful and may also be harmful to others. For those of us who believe that the way we feel and behave is dictated by factors external to ourselves this will challenge that view and hopefully provide some food for thought! A long time ago (100 AD) a person called Epictetus developed his philosophy about life. The legacy of his wisdom sits at the core of personal development programs for students, teachers and parents being implemented in school communities across the land. His message across the ages to us is this, “We are troubled not by things, but by the view we take of them.” Epictetus was one of many wise folk, collectively called the stoic philosophers. Their advice and g...

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is taught at Para Hills School P-7. REBE helps students to develop a strong and healthy sense of self worth i.e. a confidence that is hard to shake especially when others disapprove of them/bully them. This a way to 'psychologically immunise' students against bullying.  Bully for You! Do you think you have nothing to offer Use self-talk which is negative and untrue And you don’t think you amount to much? Then I have just the thing for you! Bully for you, bully for you I have a bully for you! I look for people to victimise My admiring buddies think I’m great I like to see fear in your eyes You deserve to suffer mate! Bully for you, bully for you I’m the bully for you. I will persist, never let up I don’t consider how you feel My life’s work is to see you suffer You don’t matter; you’re no big deal! Bully for you, bully for you I’m the bully for you! We control our thought...

The professional victim is adept at deflecting blame, using hard luck stories to win sympathy, making herself ‘indispensible’ to influential others. This all feeds her need to be needed. She has low self worth and has such a poor opinion of herself that she relies on the approval of others to feel good about herself, an approval addiction/dependence. In previous posts we have discussed Serious Approval Dependence (SAD) where the individual needs to be noticed and esteemed by others. When this is taken away, the individual can be left with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt and self-loathing. She may also resent those who don’t acknowledge her talents and capabilities (as they absolutely should! – see Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance). She is often left feeling angry, anxious and depressed. Approval needy people are worthy of understanding and respect but at the same time those around her would be wise to protect themselves from her manipulative behaviour. 1. ...

Sofia was new to the country and was vivacious and good humoured. She was an enthusiastic student, who worked hard at her studies and had a wide circle of friends. She had a ready smile and a caring nature, sensitive to the needs of others, a delight to teach. On many occasions she would accompany me on yard duty and we would talk about things and inevitably the topic of discussion would turn to friendships and her concern about a particular student who did not seem to like her. This student would generally ignore her and chose not to associate with her in the classroom or in the yard. Sofia would become tearful and I would ask why she felt so sad. She said that she didn’t understand why this student didn’t seem to want to be her friend as ‘everyone else liked me, why doesn’t she?’ On another occasion Sofia said she wasn’t happy because this student wasn’t her friend and she would say ‘she makes me sad.’ As a Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy counsellor I used some of the ...

Counselling is more than having a chat with someone though in itself this can be helpful, therapeutic even. But like any discipline there needs to be purpose to any endeavour. What is it we want to achieve for the client and what's in it for me? Can we cause more harm than good or not benefit the other at all? What is counselling any way but two people talking about something?  What do we want to achieve? The goal will always be to help the person you are working with to develop insight and to have the tools to work on themselves as they are getting on with their life. Is it telling people what they need to know or do they know already? These are things the counsellor will consider as the session/s unfold. Is there a payoff for me? Yes there are many but it is important to know what they are. If our main purpose is to feel good about ourselves we are not going to be useful. There are some self appointed experts who seek out opportunities to practise empathy on others asking...

This is a video about self acceptance and the courage to be who you are. Where some try to conform to some ideal of what is 'beautiful' 'cool' 'normal' Mary Lambert shows us that no such things exist ..... unless you let them! A growing number of teachers in schools all over South Australia teach unconditional self acceptance via a daily dose of REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. This video was passed on to me by Dr Ken Rigby who advocates for the promotion of self and other acceptance through his work on bullying (www.kenrigby.net) Have a look at it and pass it on :)   No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  Eleanor Roosevelt