Was Little Jack Horner a Good Boy?

Little Jack Horner suffered from extreme self esteem sickness. According to the nursery rhyme Jack believed he was a good boy because he achieved something.

Little Jack Horner

Sat in a corner 

Eating a Christmas pie

He put in his thumb

And pulled out a plum

And said, 'what a good boy am I.'

When he did good he was good and presumably when he didn't do so well he believed he was bad. This is called conditional self acceptance, the belief that personal worth is tethered to how others esteem us or how well we do at things. Jack could be a victim of Severe Approval Dependence (SAD) and experience life as a series of highs and lows according to how others view him or how well or badly he performs at tasks. We will not as humans always succeed at doing well at tasks and we will inevitably at times fall short of our goals. We may not win the respect and affection of significant others on lifes journey either. What we can do is cutivate unconditional self acceptance in ourselves and teach our children that they can make mistakes but that does not make them mistakes ('I can fail but I'm never a failure'). We can also learn to believe that though we may desire the approval of others we don't need it. We can learn to approve of ourselves ('I can be rejected/criticised by others but I'm never a reject myself') thereby lessening the hurt we may experience when things go awry.

Jack worked hard and practiced taking healthy risks and discovered in time that when he didn't quite achieve what he wanted to achieve or others weren't as approving or courteous towards him as perhaps they could be that the world didn't end. He developed the view that no matter what he was always worthwhile, unconditionally because he existed and that was that!

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner

Reflecting on the day

'I stuffed up once

I mucked up twice
But I am always OK!'

Teach this to your students.

Musting Oughting and Shoulding

‘Musturbation’ is a term coined by Dr Albert Ellis to describe absolutist, black and white thinking/believing. Musturbatory thinking according to Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy theory is the kind of thinking that gives rise to extreme frustration anger and depression. This kind of thinking drives the unhealthy choices we are teaching our students about. The following habits of thinking are musturbatory:


• I absolutely must get what I want (or not get what I don’t want)

• Significant others must treat me well and do my bidding

• Life should be easy

If these absolutist demands are not being met then:

• Life is so awful and I can’t stand it! It sucks!

• People who behave shitily are shits!

• When I behave shitily I am a shit!

Musturbators will blame others and events for how they feel e.g. I only got an A- (perfectionistic leanings – I must be perfect), maths makes me angry (life must be easy), she didn’t let me join and she’s/life’s a shit (people/life must treat me fairly)

Karen Horney said:

‘Try to eliminate the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary …but try doing so without replacing ‘should’ with ‘ought’ or ‘you’d better’.

When people tell me I should, ought or must do something I am inclined not to want to do it. If an e mail uses language like should, ought or must I am inclined to ignore it or to bin it.

Our musturbating students don’t know they are doing this and Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is about teaching and modelling behaviour that reflects healthy habits of thinking (philosophies).