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Have a Go Spaghettio! and Conservation of the 'Self' - conserving Red Su...


A rational and healthy appreciation of the ‘self’  according to REBT is called unconditional self-acceptance. The ability to maintain its integrity, even in difficult circumstances is to be able to conserve it.

If children can learn that their overall worth is not determined by others’ estimation of them, and that an opinion of them cannot ‘be’ them, they will conserve their established unconditional self-acceptance status. This is what I understand conservation of the ‘self’ to be.

If children learn to believe that they need others’ approval, that someone’s estimation of them ‘is’ them, they expose themselves to excessive upset, excessive worry, sadness etc. As the ‘self’ in this sense, cannot be stable, and remains reliant on others to determine it’s worth it cannot be conserved. It lacks strength and integrity, it is a ‘self’ that has conditions attached to it and the child will be externally controlled i.e., their sense of self is determined by others and not them.

The work of teachers, parents and carers is to help children establish habits of believing that are rational, evidence based or in Have a Go Spaghettio! terms, Success Helper, or Brain Friend thinking. Unconditional self-acceptance is a habit of thinking which when established would be hard to breach or compromise, a Have a Go Spaghettio!  ‘I’m worthwhile crocodile’ way of thinking.

So, what to do? Well teachers can use the Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper (SH) approach to emotional, behavioural, psychological wellbeing. When we teach to the six SH capabilities, we are linking mindset (thinking) to strength of emotion and behavioural choices. We can provide feedback to observed Success Helper and Success Stopper behaviours, alerting students to the habits of thinking behind the actions and associated emotions.

So Have a Go Spaghettio! and Give it try Banana Pie!

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