Have a Go Spaghettio!

Have a Go Spaghettio! is a program I wrote several years ago. It is based on Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy of Dr. Albert Ellis fame. I sent the draft to him not expecting a response but lo and behold he did reply! This is what he said:

“I read your presentation on ‘Have a Go Spaghettio!’ a resilience building program for young learners. It seems to hit the spot and be excellent for your young audience.”

I was well chuffed of course and I remain very thankful that he saw fit to take the time as he did to write back to me. A very generous gesture I thought which continues to inspire me in my work as a counsellor in schools here in South Australia.

The program has been well received in the early childhood teaching community as it presents key ideas of REBT to young learners in a fun way. It acquaints young learners to the idea that their individual thinking constructions impacts their ability to manage themselves effectively in daily life emotionally and behaviourally.

There are six competencies that children can learn about through the program. These strengths and capabilities are represented by certain colours which have been assigned catchy, quirky labels. This is the Have a Go Spaghettio! chart:

Have a Go Spaghettio!

The six Have a Go Spaghettio! success helper capabilities chart reminds children about the helpful choices they can make. These helpful choices (help us achieve our goals and desires) are linked to helpful habits of thinking or as I call it Brain Friend thinking. 

Teachers feedback to the behavioural choices the students are making thus e.g.

'You are working hard. Give it a try ... and the students respond ... banana pie!'

Another student is waiting patiently in line and the teacher says e.g.

'You are showing great patience and adds 'You are keeping coolio ... and the students will say ... at schoolio!'

The Have a Go Spaghettio! resource is full of ideas and strategies to help teachers help students develop the six capabilities mentioned in a fun way.

I will explain the 'I'm worthwhile crocodile' red success helper capability in my next post. But this short item is to acquaint you to the Have a Go! framework for early childhood.

If you want to know more about the program please feel free to contact Giulio at lozzog@gmail.com for more information.

An Anxious Adolescent - part 3

The student continues to explore the idea that events don’t cause our extreme ill feelings but rather it is our interpretation or thinking about them that does. The belief we are worthwhile only when others do is an errant philosophical view and our student is beginning to realise that his unrealistic demand that others MUST like him to be likeable is doing him a disservice.

In the counselling office in a school in South Australia

Counsellor:   You say that you feel anxious when you think you have ‘offended’ someone. Is that fair to say?

Student:  Yes I want people to be happy. I hate it when they feel bad because of me.

Counsellor:  It would appear that you believe you are responsible for how others feel. You say you ‘made him upset.’ Would that also mean that you believe others ‘make you upset?’

Student:  Yes. People can make me upset and I can upset others.

Counsellor:   I want to talk about a ‘must’ rule that people make over time. It is a rule that is not a helpful one to have.

Student:  What do you mean? Do I have a must rule? I don’t think I do.

Counsellor:   What do you think about the rule ‘people must like me or I’m no good?’

Student:  I’m not sure what you mean. Where does this rule come from?

Counsellor:  OK instead of using the word ’rule’ replace it with ‘belief.’  Say ‘I believe I’m OK only when people think I am.’ (Student repeats statement). A belief is a strongly held view about something that we believe is true.

Student:  Why do I believe this? Where does it come from?

Counsellor:   You have learnt this from an early age. You have learnt that you are only ‘good’ if others think you are ‘good.’ When someone disapproves of aspects of your personality or something you do you don’t just feel disappointed you feel really anxious and sad. Someone or something is not ‘making’ you anxious but your ‘thinking rule’ your ‘must belief’ is!

‘It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.’ Muhammad Ali 

Student:  Do you mean that my belief that that kid I was talking about ‘must like me and think I am a good person’ is what is causing my anxiety?

Counsellor: Yes exactly! Your belief (that you believe is true) is making you anxious because you don’t get what you must have and that it is really awful that you don’t. You think you need the acceptance of others to be worthwhile!

Student:  Isn’t it normal to want other people to like me? I try very hard to be liked.

Counsellor:  We may want to be liked and admired by others but really needing others’ attention and admiration to ‘make’ us feel worthwhile and accepted is an unhealthy MUST rule. That is ‘people must like us for us to feel good about ourselves.

Student:  OK I am getting the hang of this. Other people who might disapprove of my behaviour don’t cause my anxiety but my must belief does. I think ‘he must think I am a good person.’ Is that right?

Counsellor: Yes, well done. Not only must he approve of you but it is so awful that you can’t stand it when he doesn’t!  You must get what you want and when you don’t you feel highly anxious and very unhappy.  You will maintain your anxiety as long as you believe your MUST belief/rule.

Student:  How do I change my unhelpful rule? How can I learn to manage my extreme worry?

Counsellor: The antidote to ‘I must have the approval of others for me to feel OK’ is Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA). It means ‘I accept myself, warts and all even when I stuff up, even when someone disapproves of me in some way!’ This is a healthy rule/belief because you remain in control. You remain healthily concerned but not so anxious that you can’t focus on your work.

Student:  So when someone thinks I have done something bad I’m not bad, is that what you are saying? 

Counsellor:  Yes you are always worthwhile no matter what, even when you screw up or someone rejects you. When you asked someone if they had a problem and he mistook what you said and showed annoyance towards you it did not in any way take away your value. You are only worthless if you believe you are and you believe you are when you believe ‘I MUST have the approval of others to be worthwhile.’

Student:  I get what you mean.

Counsellor:  Practise believing ‘I prefer others to approve of me but they don’t have to. I accept myself no matter what. I can handle this.’

Student:  I’ll do that. Thanks. 

''I don't have to be what you want me to be.'' Muhammad Ali

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education - dealing with disappointment healthily

There’s two students in the yard (kids 1 and 2). They’re playing one on one basketball. 

A game of one on one

Another person (3) approaches and asks to join in. He’s told as it’s a one on one game so another player isn’t needed. He waits a while and moves on. Another child comes by (4) and asks the same question and the basketball players say it’s a one on one and another player is not required. This is said respectfully and assertively to the third person. The news is not received well. This student (4) goes into a rage and throws their basketball away which ultimately comes to the notice of the teacher on yard duty. Student 4 is asked to sit out and is talked to for his behaviour.

Something happened in the lives of Kid 3 and Kid 4. They were both declined their request to join in the basketball game with 1 and 2. This is called the activating event, situation A.

So A = they didn’t let me join in.

Person 3 Felt OK about this. It (A) probably rated a 2 on the emotional thermometer. A little upset and disappointed perhaps, still in control. No hard feelings. He moved on after a while. No big deal.

Person 4 felt angry. It (A) rated an 8 on the emotional thermometer. It was a big deal. Catastrophic even. He made some average behavioural choices and was taken to task for it.

Did the situation (A) make the children do and feel as they did? If this was the case surely they would feel and act the same way? But we know person 3 was calm and person 4 was angry so A didn’t make their feelings and behaviours. We will call feelings and behaviours C i.e. the emotional and behavioural Consequence of A.

Person 3 said to another student that they didn’t let him join in. They were playing one on one. Three would be too many and that’s OK. This person accepted the situation calmly.

The emotional thermometer

Person 4 said to another student the kids wouldn’t let him join in. They made him angry. It was their fault!

Why the difference? Kid 3 is OK and kid 4 spat the dummy! What’s going on here?

According to REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) theory kids 3 and 4 have constructed contrasting philosophical perspectives. They have different thinking rules. We will call these thinking rules B for beliefs. What are they?

Kid 3 we would speculate has the following philosophical rule:

I don’t always have to get my. It’s rarely a catastrophe when I don’t. I can handle disappointments.

We would say that is a rational/reasonable/helpful/healthy view.

Kid 4 we would suggest according to REBT theory has the following philosophical rule:

I must always get my way. It’s a catastrophe when I don’t. It’s not fair and I can’t stand it!

We would say that is an irrational/unreasonable/unhelpful/unhealthy view.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education teaches students that thinking feeling and behaving are interconnected and that people’s experience of a situation emotionally and behaviourally is linked to their beliefs; their thinking rules.

According to REBT Kid 3 has the following perspective on life:

A + B = C where he will account for how he feels and behaves not solely as a consequence of A but my thinking B (me) has a lot to do with it.

According to REBT Kid 4 has the following perspective on life:

A=C When A happens IT (A) makes my feelings and behaviours. It's is not my fault!

One kids way of looking at things is healthy and the others is not so.

The ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance was created by Albert Ellis and is a very useful teaching tool.

Albert Ellis, REBT and the Over-Nurtured Child

What is a Bonsai child ? It's a new term to describe the child who has been over tended to, fussed over and over supervised. When something happens at school an enquiry is needed to get to the bottom of 'why Isabella fell out with her friend and what did the school do about it as she is such a sensitive child!' Is Isabella temporarily sad or is she depressed. Could be either but it's important to know the difference. 

Clinical psychologist and researcher Judith Locke writes in her book The Bonsai Child "A sense of melancholy is labelled depression; any trepidation is labelled anxiety. A friendship fight is bullying." The Bonsai Child is her term for children who are over-nurtured.

Michael Carr-Gregg talks about marshmallow kids a generation of children who are afraid to fail. Do they experience healthy disappointment when they don't achieve their goals and wants or do they feel unhealthily depressed and angry about not getting what they want? Are these children being conditioned to be so by over zealous parenting of the 'bonsai' and 'helicopter' kind? 

President of the Australian Primary Principals Association Dennis Yarrington says. "We used to say they're a little bit nervous, now they're suffering from anxiety or depression. They're adult words.'' He goes on to say that, ''students need to be taught strategies to deal with challenges, but sometimes parents' first reaction was to ship them off to a specialist "because that's what people do".

Parents, teachers and all adult mentors and supervisors of children would do well to acquaint themselves with counselling models that can explain how strength of emotion is driven by the beliefs and expectations a person has about life and living. Cognitive and Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapies are highly effective.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education teaches children from early childhood to high school (and beyond) that they are constructivists. They have ingrained and well practiced beliefs about themselves, others and life. What are they? Are they helpful/unhelpful? Rational or irrational? How are they linked to how they feel and act? What can they do when things don't go their way? Can they learn reconfigure their personal 'habits of believing' and use them to help them deal with challenge and disappointment? 

As many as one in 10 children have mental health disorders according to a national survey by the University of Western Australia published in recent weeks. What can schools do? One effective tool in helping children learn how to survive challenge and thrive in spite of it is to teach them about Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education (REBE). You can read more about REBE in items throughout this blog if you want more information or you you can visit Albert Ellis' Official Page for up to date news about the late Albert Ellis and REBT.

Albert Ellis on 'whining'

In the meantime take some time to view this YouTube post where Albert Ellis talks about the tendency to whine and whinge often over things we imagine to be worse than they actually are. Enjoy!

On Being 'Undesturbable' - Albert Ellis, schools and education

On the 24^th July eight years ago Albert Ellis died but his work lives on. He would have been encouraged to know that schools have taken up the challenge he set many years ago; teach children how to make themselves less ‘disturbable’.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is doing this is many South Australian schools with positive outcomes.

Teachers have been trained in the understanding and application of Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and they are helping their students to understand that their habits of thinking are linked to how they act and how they feel.

Gone but not forgotten

This insight empowers the child to monitor and assess how she is feeling and how she is estimating (thinking about/interpreting) the situation at hand. How am I feeling? Is this situation as bad as I think it is? I can reassess this situation so that I remain in control and make OK choices.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators (REBE’rs) remind students daily that their worst enemy is often between their ears. They self-sabotage; they undermine their prospects of succeeding by reengaging the negative habits of thinking they have constructed and which have been practiced all their lives. This self-talk is on a continuous ‘loop’ reminding them that they are useless/dumb/unlikeable and that this is their lot in life.

These habits of believing can be challenged, deconstructed and replaced with healthier more rational ones. Ellis said we (genetic predisposition aside) construct our depression so we can deconstruct it; we can make ourselves less self disturbable!

How say you? This is the subject of most of the items published on this humble blog but in a nutshell the key is in the daily teaching reminders i.e.

•  Our worth is not given to us by anyone so it can’t be taken away
•  We are not what we do or what others think of us
•  It is impossible to rate ourselves ‘good’ or ‘bad’ so don’t waste time doing so

The more our students are exposed to this logic the less self disturbable they will become and that’s what Albert Ellis would want. Well done all the REBE’rs out there!

 

Wise rabbit

CBT in Schools - Para Hills School P-7 leading the way in South Australia

“Schools provide a convenient location to deliver emotional health prevention programs for children. Whilst there are a number of school based programs, few have been scientifically evaluated to determine what effect they have on children’s emotional health,” said lead author Professor Paul Stallard, of the University of Bath’s Department for Health.

Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) has been shown to greatly reduce anxiety levels in schoolchildren ages nine to 10 years old, according to new research from Oxford University. Researchers believe that this therapy would benefit all children, regardless of their anxiety levels." http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/07/20/cbt-in-elementary-school-curriculum-lowers-childrens-anxiety-levels/72685.html

The above extract from a PsychCentral article of July last year reinforces the work of schools in well being promotion based on CBT. Many schools in South Australia are applying Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) principles in daily teaching practise through The Rational Emotive Behaviour Education Program.

Para Hills School P-7 leads the way in Social and Emotional learning and promotion. All children are taught that they are philosophers, thinkers and that they have constructed their own 'thinking rules' that are 'çonnected' to their actions and feelings. They learn how their irrational thinking habits are unhelpful to them and rational ones are more useful. This way they can learn to control potentially self (and other) defeating actions and emotions. Do life's events and other people make them angry or do they make their own anger when engaging their irrational thinking rules? Albert Ellis, creator of REBT said that we by and large construct our own anger, depression and anxiety so we can theoretically learn how to deconstruct them and replace them with better habits of believing. 

Para Hills School P-7 leading the way in REBT/CBT based mental health promotion

The REBE in Schools Program helps students develop personal capabilities that assist them with their academic and social learning. Students who have healthy concerns rather than unhealthy anxieties; healthy sadness and annoyance over depression and anger will succeed even in the face of challenge.

Schools are the place to put these ideas in practice. Teachers are working hard at the 'çhalk face' to empower children with the insights and understandings that will help them at school and beyond. Para Hills School P-7 has been doing this methodically and comprehensively across all year levels on a daily basis building a culture of well being and success.

A Broken Heart and REBT - the need for approval

A young student entered my office sobbing, inconsolable. Her buddy from another class who usually works with her, chose to work with someone else. This was a major disappointment, catastrophic even and as the tears subsided and she composed herself she began to tell me her story. As I listened I was again reminded of the danger of relying on another's acceptance and approval to affirm ones worth. 

I attempted to help Sofia put into perspective the 'badness' of the situation and talked about other issues or problems that could possibly have been worse. One example we discussed was how a broken leg might be worse than the situation outlined above. After a moments consideration Sofia said the following before she again burst into tears: 'A broken leg isn't as bad as a broken heart and she broke my heart!'

When Sofia said that 'She broke my heart' she is applying an A=C philosophy i.e. she didn't choose to do what I wanted her to do (work with her). She is saying that 'because she is not giving me what I must have it is so terrible and I can't stand it. This is just awful.' The depth of 'heartbreak' she will experience depends on how much she believes at B, that she needs this other persons attention/approval. This would suggest an A=C belief that 'I am only worthwhile if this significant other is my friend, gives me approval.' Therefore the significant other who sometimes helps her is not making her (Sofia) so sad or so heartbroken. It is Sofia herself! This would suggest that Sofia needs a lot of confidence work (Unconditional Self Acceptance) so that she will eventually believe at B, that whilst she would like (strongly desire) the approval of significant others she doesn't need it to be worthwhile i.e. an A+B=C philosophy.

As long as Sofia believes others determine how valuable she is (her worth) she is at risk. Hence her emotional fragility and tendency to break down when things don't go so well for her.

Albert Ellis, REBT and Rubbish Bins

I was doing my rounds at school the other day. A young student (7 years old) had a waste paper bin over his  head. This sounds a bit like the intro of a joke (I went to the doctor the other day...). Anyway I spoke to the student and he told me he did this because 'I'm rubbish and that's where I belong.' On other occasions he had said to me that he was bad/naughty.

This kind of talk would suggest to me (as a Rational Emotive Behaviour Educator) that the child has constructed a view of himself that is irrational and therefore self defeating. Somehow he has concluded that he has no worth ('I'm rubbish') which is reflected in his poor behaviour and in the tears he shed's when we talk about this. 

So how do we help this sad (depressed?) young person mend his breaking (broken?) spirit? 

Albert Ellis said 'the future of psychology and psychotherapy is in the school system' but 'the future' is yet to arrive it would seem. Educationalists and academics would do well to consider what is happening on its 'own doorstep' here in south Australia. 

Many schools are using Rational Emotive Behaviour Education to help students understand how their thinking, feeling and behaviour are linked. 

Rubbish is what has been discarded because it has no use (not worth anything) and our young student may have decided that he is of no use. Why has he arrived at this conclusion? If this is his reality where might it lead him?

This young person could do with a daily dose of USA teaching (Unconditional Self Acceptance) where he can be left in no doubt that his worth is not tethered to the views of others or how well or badly he may perform at a task. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is about doing this and there are many schools applying REBT principles in daily practise across all year levels.

Students of all ages can live happier and healthier lives if they understand how as constructivists their habits of believing are connected to how they feel and how they behave. Their lives may depend on it!

Self-Acceptance or Self Esteem? In memory of Dr Albert Ellis

Inevitably failure and rejection are part and parcel of our experience. It is very energy sapping to protect our children from every vagary of human existence. Such vigilance also denies our children the opportunity to deal with disappointment and build their own resilience to tough situations. Children need our support and guidance but they also have to learn to stand on their own two feet and protecting them from the reality of rejection and failure does them no favours. "We have to give them self- esteem so that they feel good about themselves,' so has been the wisdom of the recent educational past. What is self esteem and how can you give it to someone? Albert Ellis who passed away five years ago this week said:

'Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional.' 

He was on to something here, people learning to esteem themselves according to how others viewed them or how well they did at tasks was the order of the day. "I'm good because so and so said I am or I am clever because my teacher said I was. Aren't I good girl?" No you're not! Your self esteem will evaporate quickly until the next time someone else tells you how good you are! You grow to need the approval of others and the fix of getting an A grade in your assignments but this doesn't make you good, clever or any other label you want to put on your sorry self! 

No one can give you the worth you've always had and therefore no one can take it away and it is understanding this that gives you resilience. Dr Ellis calls this Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) meaning 'I'm worthwhile EVEN if you don't think so and EVEN if I get an E in my English assignment.' So you can keep your 'warm fuzzies' to yourself!

Student A in High School A in Australia has four younger siblings and a mother who is dependent on her. Her father left many years ago. She is 14 years old and after she helps dress and feed her family she gets herself off to school everyday. She has dreams and aspirations and daily she 'steps up to the plate' ready for the next 'curve ball' that life will inevitably pitch her way. Will she be called home to help her mentally ill mother or will the local primary school ask her to come and help her younger sister because she 'misses' her so much? This is not a 'once upon a fairytale' situation, this is daily reality for this student. What benefit that she continue to seek the approval of others so that she can 'esteem herself' as a worthwhile person? None whatsoever! What can her school do about it?

Albert Ellis said that people who unconditionally accept themselves are less likely to suffer the ravages of extreme depression, anger and anxiety because they don't take what others think of them or how they perform at tasks TOO seriously. Why? Because what they think about themselves is more important than how others view them. 'Think as you will but don't expect me to agree with you' is another way to put it. This idea is embedded in the principles and practice of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy created by Albert Ellis in the 1950's and which is a core component of the new 'Positive Psychology' that has been touted in recent years. Albert Ellis was the original Positive Psychologist.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is the application of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy in teaching practice across all curriculum areas. A school that teaches students daily that their worth is not at question when they fail at a task or find that others reject them and that they are always worthwhile will be protected against Serious Approval Dependence (SAD). This (USA) is the antidote to 'self esteem sickness' and REBE delivers this to very child day in and day out. 

Albert Ellis said:

'I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system. We need to teach every child how to rarely seriously disturb himself or herself and how to overcome disturbance when it occurs.'

To student A above, though your life is tough and it is difficult to get to school every day and because you may feel so desperate at times is not reason to avoid your studies and to give in. Hang in there and remember you are always worthwhile no matter what! This is the REBE philosophy.

In memory of Dr Albert Ellis creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy who passed away on July 24th 2007 Vale

The Albert Ellis Professional Learning Centre was opened in April this year in honour of the work and legacy Dr Albert Ellis. This news item was produced by Southern Cross Regional TV in South Australia. 

Contradictory Practices in Schools – Education or Punishment?

The purpose of his post is to compare and contrast the contradictory philosophies, which underpin the practices and processes used in schools to address student behaviour.

Traditionally we have had a one-size fits all approach where student behaviour is managed and controlled by the adult characterized by language like ‘warnings, steps, detention, suspension and exclusion.’  Using our authority to punish might get students to comply and fear us but it doesn’t help them to gain insight into why they respond as they do emotionally and behaviourally to daily challenges in life. This approach contradicts constructivist theory on which all teachers’ work is based. Why do we base our teaching on constructivist theory for the subjects we teach and then use a system of behaviour management that ignores the developmental needs of the child? Why are we using two models for learning at the same time in the same context, one inclusive an the other not?

Enter Rational Emotive Behaviour Education (REBE) a system based on counselling theory and practice, Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. REBE has been discussed in previous blog posts and it is offered as a way of educating students about their individually constructed philosophies which determine how they will respond behaviourally and emotionally to daily situations, especially the challenging ones.

REBE teaches explicitly essential resilience building competencies like Unconditional Self/Other and Life Acceptance across the school curriculum and in every student – teacher interaction. Based on constructivist theory REBE helps students to deconstruct unhealthy habits of believing and to construct healthy habits of believing.

In my experience as educator one thing is abundantly clear and that is students present with a diverse range of dispositions, personalities, learning styles and the list go on.  Despite this we have persisted and continue to persist in applying a system of ‘behaviour management,’ which assumes all children are the same and this has failed our young people significantly.

How so you may ask? A child with low frustration tolerance for instance may struggle to stay on task especially when it is a challenging one.  She may be prompted to get back on the job with a firm reminder and again stalls as her frustration level rises. Is she displaying non-compliance? Is she lazy? Or has she low frustration tolerance for tasks that require perseverance and continued focus? We can give her person specific labels like ‘she’s lazy’ or ‘she’s naughty’, which are inaccurate and harmful. Why? Because we are rating the students personal worth, not their behaviour.

REBE will support the child understand how her constructed beliefs gives rise to her extreme frustration. Does she think that life should be easy and that it isn’t fair that she doesn’t get what she wants? Is she a victim of learned helplessness where she believes she can’t do ‘tough stuff?’ Does she have low self worth, which stops her from taking risks in her learning because ‘I’m dumb anyway?’  REBE is about helping students unpack these harmful beliefs and to build new healthier ones.  REBE provides preventative mental health education systematically across all curriculum areas.
https://www.facebook.com/TheAlbertEllisProfessionalLearningCentre

Self-Acceptance and the Resilient Child

Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) is a habit of thinking that the resilient person has constructed over a lifetime. It is deeply held and is reflected in the behaviour and demeanor of the individual. You will observe the self-accepting person try new things readily, not being overly concerned about the prospect of failure, as she knows failing doesn’t equate with ‘being’ a failure. You will notice a self accepting person experience rejection philosophically, again understanding rejection or disapproval of others doesn’t render her a ‘reject’. USA affords the individual a degree of ‘psychological immunity’ to adversity. We all experience rejection, failure and challenges and it is the resilient person who is better placed to deal with these in a healthy way. Dr. Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, encourages us to help our younger people to develop the capacity to ride the hard knocks successfully, to work through problems, to hang tough and believe that things can work out. Jonas Salk (developer of the polio vaccine) is on record as having said that he would be interested in researching ways of psychologically immunising children and how this could enhance their physical well being. There is a large body of evidence that supports the link between mental well being and physical health, so USA is very important in promoting emotional and physical well being. Specifically individuals who unconditionally accept themselves experience sadness, disappointment, concern or annoyance rather than depression, anger or anxiety in the event of difficult circumstances. Conversely those whose self worth is tethered to how well they do at tasks or how much they are esteemed by significant others are prone to depression and other emotional and behavioural dysfunction. If you want more information on USA please refer to earlier posts. The remaining discussion will focus on some ideas we can use to help others who may have issues with self worth. Tell your students, yourself and anyone who’ll listen that:

·      Thinking feeling and behaving are intertwined, interlinked. In other words when we experience emotions they are attached to our thinking (perception, interpretation of events) and our choices of action (behaviour).

·      Helpful habits of thinking help us and unhelpful habits of thinking (believing) hinder us.

·      USA is a helpful (true) habit of believing i.e. ‘I believe I am always worthwhile even if you don’t or if I do badly at a task.’

·      Conditional Self Acceptance (CSA) is an unhelpful (untrue) habit of thinking i.e. ‘I’m only worthwhile if you think so and when I do well at important tasks.’

·      Always give feedback that is behaviour and not person based, i.e. ‘you did that well’ rather than ‘good girl!’

·      No one is good or bad but they are always worthwhile. They are human beings not human doings! I.e. 'doing' good is not 'being' good and 'doing' bad is not 'being' bad.

These ideas will help your children develop the belief that ‘my value is not diminished by rejection or failure. What I think about me is more important than how others may view me. I can fail at something but never am I a failure and I can be rejected but never am I a reject.’

Remind yourselves daily of this truism bequeathed us my the late Dr. Albert Ellis who said:

'Unconditional self-acceptance is the basic antidote to much of your depressed self-downing feelings.'

USA is a rational belief well worth cultivating.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy- a new book by Dr. Albert Ellis and Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis

Dr Ellis’ latest work is a book called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. Co authored by his wife Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis, it is part of the Theories of Psychotherapy Series, edited by Jon Carlson and Matt Englar-Carlson and published by the American Psychological Association.

This gem comes hot on the heels of Dr Ellis' autobiography All Out! which was published in 2010, with contributions by Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis.

Ellis created REBT and developed it, promoted it and practiced it until his death in 2007. REBT is often said to be an offshoot or subsidiary of CBT but as this publication reminds us, REBT is the original cognitive therapy. Indeed Ellis is regarded as the father of REBT and the grandfather of CBT by those in the know.

Dr. Ellis’ motivation was to provide useful information to the general public on issues relating to mental health, offer a model (ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance) that could explain why people feel and behave as they do and suggest strategies that they could use and practice in their lives.

Of course the ABC model is used the world over by mental health practitioners to support people in their desire to address their behavioural and emotional disturbance and to attain positive mental health.

Ellis challenged the psychoanalytic establishment and weathered the criticism and ostracism of those who wanted to preserve the elite status of the role of therapist. Ellis in time understood that psychoanalysis was a long and drawn out process, much too focused on past events and though the client may have felt better it didn’t necessarily mean she got better in the longer term.

As Ellis said:

‘Many psychoanalysts refused to let me speak at their meetings. They were exceptionally vigorous because I had previously been an analyst and they were very angry at my flying the coop.’

Ellis met this petulance with his usual wit and intellect and forged ahead anyway! He practiced what he taught and as he unconditionally accepted himself he declared:

‘By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas, which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.’

Ellis surely put the ‘REBT cat’ amongst the ‘psychoanalytic pigeons’ and the field of psychotherapy was challenged and transformed for good and for the better!

The book contains much for the layperson and the practitioner alike and remains true to the Ellis’ philosophy of helping people to help themselves. A DVD accompanies the book, which illustrates the therapeutic application of REBT.

Drs. Albert Ellis and Debbie Joffe Ellis acknowledge early in the book those who give and have given due recognition to his influence on their work. For instance William Glasser has respectfully given Dr Ellis due regard. Unfortunately others who have benefitted greatly by his work have not been so considerate.

Drs Ellis and Debbie Joffe Ellis again reinforce the importance of teaching children in schools from a very early age the basic principles and practices of REBT. Students and teachers would benefit greatly by understanding the link between thinking, feeling and behaving. The ‘wisdom of the ages’ ring long and loud through Ellis’ work. Consider the words of Epictetus in around 100 AD:

‘Events don’t make us act and feel as we do but it is our interpretation (appraisal) of those events that cause us to do what we do and feel what we feel.’

Helping people explore and understand this philosophy and apply it in their lives through Ellis’ ABC Theory is achieved in seven clearly written and informative chapters, which cover the life and work of Dr Ellis. Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis as co author continues to help spread the 'gospel of St Albert' widely and most successfully! The book talks about:

REBT History
REBT Theory
The REBT process
Future Directions of REBT

This book is a great reference for teachers and mental health practitioners alike and will be enjoyed by anyone who is interested in their own personal development. Indeed, a book for everyone!

Well done Drs Albert Ellis and Debbie Joffe Ellis on this wonderful REBT resource!

Sofia's Progress

Thanks to Dr. Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance we have helped Sofia understand the relationship between thinking, feeling and behaving. She understands that beliefs like, ‘someone I like should like me,’ ‘I need her approval to be worthwhile,’ ‘I am worthless,’ are self defeating because they cause undue sadness, anger and depression, which get in the way of her achieving her goals. These beliefs can be challenged and disproved with evidence.

Dr. Ellis invites us to ‘cherchez le should, cherchez le must’ as we did with Sofia. We determined that Sofia’s sadness and anxiety was caused by her ‘shoulding’ i.e. ‘she should like me. I should get what I want.’ We challenged these self-defeating shoulds and replaced them with self – helpful ‘preferences’ i.e. ‘I would prefer to get what I want but I accept this will not always be so.’

Let’s look at the components of Sofia’s journey so far according to Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance.

A= Activating event (the issue, what happened). In Sofia’s case the issue is ‘She ignores me.’

B= Beliefs. Sofia believed that she could only be happy if she won her classmates approval. Irrationally she believed that she needed her classmates’ approval to be worthwhile and she should like her. She believed she was worthless because she could not win her approval and this was so awful that she couldn’t stand it.

C= Emotional and behavioural Consequences of A. Sofia felt depressed and anxious (She needed someone’s approval which she believed she must get to feel worthwhile). These feelings were strong (7 – 9 on the Emotional Thermometer)

In Sofia’s story she believed that someone else (her classmate) caused her sadness. She was preoccupied with thoughts like, ‘she should like me, I need her to like me’ etc. According to Ellis’ model Sofia was apportioning blame to someone or something i.e. C is made by A and I can only feel better if A is changed. According to this logic Sofia would like the world to be modified or changed according to her wishes. Can we make Sofia’s classmate like her? Of course we can’t! So it then becomes a matter for Sofia to consider the situation realistically i.e. ‘my classmate ignores me. I am disappointed she doesn’t seem to want my friendship and I accept that. It is not a catastrophe. My worth does not depend on her approval of me. I accept myself.’ In so doing Sofia begins to understand that A does not make C but rather A+B makes C (my beliefs/thinking play a key role in how I feel and behave).

In ‘The Practice of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy’ by Dr Albert Ellis and Windy Dryden intellectual insight in REBT is defined as:

‘an acknowledgement that an irrational belief frequently leads to emotional disturbance and dysfunctional behaviour and that a rational belief always abets emotional health.’

It can be said that Sofia has attained Intellectual Insight, that is she understands and accepts the premise that A + B makes C and not solely A, the activating event. For Sofia her journey towards sustained emotional and behavioural well-being has just begun and will be work in progress for the rest of her life. Dr. Ellis says that Sofia will continue to develop herself to the point of achieving Emotional Insight, which in REBT is defined as:

‘a strong and frequently held belief that a rational idea is helpful (Ellis, 1963). When a person has achieved Emotional Insight he or she will tend to THINK, FEEL and BEHAVE according to the rational belief.’

We have looked at A, B and C of Dr Ellis’ Theory of Emotional Disturbance but now it is timely to consider D and E in relation to Sofia’s personal development.

D = Disputation of irrational beliefs, the rigorous challenging of ingrained and well practiced unhelpful habits of thinking that undermine our confidence and ability to function in a healthy way. Dr. Ellis would encourage his students to, ‘work, work, work’ at challenging and changing those beliefs that were harmful and self-defeating. So how is D used to help Sofia on her onward journey to Emotional Insight? Sofia believed she needed the approval of her classmate to feel worthwhile. Thinking she must have the approval of someone she liked, was causing her anxiety and deep sadness because her sense of wellbeing depended so much on how a significant other viewed her. What others thought about Sofia mattered more than what Sofia thought about herself and this placed her in a very vulnerable position. She would continue to be at the mercy of significant others for her sense of well-being and happiness unless she learned how to unconditionally accept herself. Dr. Ellis’ Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) would rid Sofia of the need to be approved of by others and hence become more confident and self reliant.

I spoke to Sofia about the damage that can be caused by believing that it is ‘absolutely necessary to have the approval of people we like and if not we cannot be happy and that we must be liked by them or it is awful and we cannot stand it!’ Sofia could relate to this unrealistic demand she made of herself and she asked where it came from, ‘why do I think like this?’ REBT theory says that we are born with the tendency to think rationally and irrationally. The environment in which we are raised is a strong determinant of our patterns of thinking and behaving. I explained to Sofia that she had learned some unhelpful rules from the environment in which she was/is raised. I explained that the idea that we can ‘be’ good or ‘be’ bad is a faulty way of thinking (Dr Ellis cautioned us about retaining the self defeating belief in ‘being’ good and bad). I had talked to Sofia before about USA (Unconditional Self Acceptance), the belief that we are made up of many different traits and capabilities and this being the case it is impossible to ‘be’ good or bad. In other words being good would mean a person has no bad traits or negative characteristics at all, a proposition that can be challenged. Conversely being bad would mean a person could have no positive traits or positive characteristics, which again can be challenged. I suggested that she would possibly have been told what a good girl she was whenever she did something ‘good’ like completing a task or using her manners etc. Logically Sofia may have determined that if she ‘is good’ when she ‘does good’ then it follows that she must ‘be bad’ when she ‘does bad!’ So Dr Ellis invites us to view ourselves as being neither good nor bad but worthwhile (I accept myself warts and all).

Sofia and I talked about how it would be to believe that our worth did not depend on how others viewed us. How more confident would we be knowing that another’s rejection of us could never take away our worth? I asked Sofia how much a $50 note was worth. She said it could buy certain things and this was proof of its $50 value. I agreed and then asked Sofia to scrunch the note as tightly as she could. She thought this was an odd request but she humored me and proceeded anyway. I then asked her to stand on the note and she did. I asked her to unfurl the note as it was very wrinkled and twisted. It was intact but was not as smooth as it had been and I asked Sofia what it was worth. She said it retained its worth of $50 and that it had not changed. I suggested that our worth could be viewed similarly in that even when we are ‘wrinkled and twisted and battered and bruised’ our worth is never diminished i.e. we can be criticized, rejected and even fail at some things but we retain the worth we already had, we are worthwhile no matter what. Sofia understood this and found it a useful illustration of what we had been talking about. She said she would remind herself often and with conviction that she was always worthwhile no matter what and she would unconditionally accept herself. Dr. Ellis would have been most pleased to know that Sofia had made so much progress in her journey towards Unconditional Self Acceptance which would allow her to achieve her goals to live with less (unhealthy) anxiety and extreme sadness and with more healthy concern and regret. Dr Ellis says:

"To help people gain unconditional self-acceptance and to believe that they are okay or are good just because they exist had better be taught to all children in the course of their schooling, from early childhood onward."

For Sofia to achieve Emotional Insight it is essential that her school has the capacity to further Sofia’s development throughout her education. How can this be done? What can schools do?

REBT and Constructivism

Constructivist theory says we learn to behave according to what we observe going on around us. Our models of behaviour show us how to get what we want, how to respond to situations and how we can interact with others. If these models are helpful they will teach us that we can wait for things if we have to, that we can respect others (even when we don’t wish to associate with them) and we can remain confident even when we fail at something or suffer the rejection of others. If we live amongst such role models we will internalize (construct) some very useful ‘rules for living.’

Conversely if those around us show low frustration tolerance, who may get what they want through aggression and who take failure and rejection to heart then we are likely to internalise a different set of ‘rules for living.’

Such habits of thinking and behaving (helpful or unhelpful) will determine how successful or not we may be in achieving our goals in life. According to Dr Albert Ellis we can deconstruct those unhelpful ‘habits of thinking’ with a lot of hard work.

For example a person who has learned (believes) that his or her worth is measured according to how well he/she does or how others regard him/her will often experience unhelpful, self destructive feelings such as anger and depression or feel highly anxious a lot of the time. What philosophical ideas lay behind these feelings? What would motivate a person to harm self or others in a pique of anger? Why would a person tend to defer to others in the hope of obtaining, sustaining a ‘must have’ relationship (I need to be liked)?

At my school I observe those who go along with others, who don’t seem to offer any opinion or ideas. Some will give things away to ‘buy’ friendship and others are easily ‘bought’ under the threat of exclusion or dismissal. Others would handle things differently, they don’t seem to be easily intimidated by others and accept that it’s OK when others may not regard them as friends. For these people rejection can be hurtful and disappointing but rarely is it a catastrophe or so awful that it will ‘ruin their lives!’

Dr. Albert Ellis created the ABC Theory of Emotional (and behavioural) Disturbance used by counsellors and therapists the world over. This therapy embraces the ‘wisdom of the ages’ like that of Epictetus in 100AD who observed that ‘events and people don’t make us feel and act as we do but it is the view we take of them.’ Or Buddha who said, ‘what we think we become.’ Many other learned people have made similar assertions over the millennia.

Ellis’ ABC Theory allows us to work with people who have constructed unhealthy and destructive philosophies that cause anger, anxiety and depression in their lives. In doing so he has helped millions of people learn how to better manage themselves behaviourally and emotionally, people who may believe that feelings and behaviour are ‘made’ by other people and other things. Take the case of Sofia, a 12-year-old primary school student from Africa (see the next blog).

For more information about Dr Albert Ellis and REBT visit http://www.rebtresources.info/index.php www.debbiejoffeellis.com www.rebtnetwork.org

NEWSFLASH! Workshop titled REBT Theory and Practice to be held in Adelaide, September 24th. Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis will be co presenting. Don't miss this PD opportunity. Please visit: http://www.psychology.org.au/Events/EventView.aspx?ID=6548 for more details.

Adelaide REBT Workshop Success

Another workshop is scheduled for September due to the very positive response of participants to the April workshop held at the Education Development Centre in Hindmarsh. People from various organisations attended and reported a strong satisfaction in the balance of theory and practical application of REBT. The group responded very positively to Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis' demonstration of REBT using volunteers from the audience. People witnessed the very skillful way that Dr. Debbie listened reflectfully to her client, identified the core issues of concern and quickly honed in on the self defeating philosophical beliefs that were causing her clients emotional and behavioural problems. Her demonstration clearly illustrated the efficiency of Dr Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance when applied skillfully and firmly. Participants witnessed how the client volunteer was encouraged to identify and confront the underlying irrational beliefs that caused and maintained their emotional ill health. Dr. Albert Ellis wanted to help people help themselves to get better sooner rather than later, 'parsing out' their irrational thinking and challenging their errant philsophical beliefs about themselves, other people and the world. Dr. Albert Ellis' reknowned Friday night workshops held at his beloved Albert Elllis Institute were very popular, where people could drop by for a coffee, a biscuit and a dose of 'the gospel according to St. Albert.' Dr. Debbie continues his legacy of sound teaching and therapy practice.

The September workshop will again offer mental health practitioners, educators and other interested people the opportunity to learn more about the life and times of Dr. Albert Ellis and his revolutionary and spectacularly successfull REBT - the first of all cognitive therapies. Dr. Debbie will be able to update us on the latest news and REBT developments and will again demonstrate the application of REBT in practice. If you want more information visit http://www.psychology.org.au/Events/EventView.aspx?ID=6548 on the Australian Psychological Society website.

Look out for ALL OUT! Dr. Albert Ellis' autobiography due for release very soon. It promises to be a very interesting and controversial read. Publisher: Prometheus Books.