Albert Ellis and the Dalai Lama on Kindness

The Dalai Lama says to be kind wherever possible and that it’s always possible. He talks about ‘cultivating’ attitudes of kindness and to practise empathy and sincere concern for others. Then there’s ‘mindfulness’, practising awareness of our feelings and actions and our underlying attitudes. What are we doing? How are we feeling? How are we behaving?

Kindness is catching!

Albert Ellis talks about unconditional acceptance of others (UOA). This entails consciously and intentionally being aware of our prejudices and dislikes when considering others and not judging them totally on the basis of a disagreeable (to you) quality or characteristic.

Random acts of kindness it is said is as good for the giver as it is for the receiver (givee?) because it engenders feelings of empathy and concern. It enables the release of endorphins which produce the ‘natural high’ we may experience.

We can choose to act kindly towards others and the trick it seems is not to accept anything in return. There’s always a payoff of course. Even the most altruistic among us would acknowledge that we get some kind of reward even if it’s just an endorphin fix! This is my take on Ellis’ UOA. Treat others respectfully, with kindness because they are fellow human beings (like me) and are worthy of respect. At the same time I can choose to dislike aspects of their character/personality that leads me to decide not to want to associate with them. That’s my choice but I won’t damn them totally.

The Dalai Lama presented a blessed white silk scarf to Albert Ellis on his 90^th birthday a gesture underpinned by a strong mutual respect and understanding. Ellis’ REBT offers a philosophical based counselling model of mind to teach children about thinking, feeling and behaving. This marries well with the teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and is therefore of great potential benefit to students of all ages.

Dr. Ellis and The Dalai Lama on the same page

These principles are taught in daily teaching practise through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education in many schools in South Australia. Students are taught about helpful ‘habits of believing’ that direct healthy behavioural choices and emotions. One of these is Unconditional Acceptance of Others, the underlying philosophical belief of the act of kindness – no conditions, no strings.

Kindness based on the conditions you may place on the other is a different kettle of fish. This is the ‘what’s in it for me’ approach to kindness and is largely what fair weather friendships are made of. And of course there is the principle of ‘enlightened self-interest’ where a relationship is based on a give and take understanding, which is a healthy situation, where each know the rules of engagement.

But that’s all for another blog item but remember it’s cool to be kind!

Screwballs, Nutters and Faulty Bits

'There's enough there for an entire conference!' the psychiatrist guest was heard to say to another on witnessing the behaviour of hapless Basil of Fawlty Towers fame (BBC TV UK).

'There's enough there for an entire conference.'

This quote comes to mind whenever I experience behaviour that is beyond the generally agreed norm of what constitutes civility in the workplace. A persons general demeanour and actions can have a positive effect on others; encouraging, supportive and respectful or they can have an otherwise entirely negative effect on them!

Basil's behaviour invoked feelings of frustration and anger from others (how can anyone be so inept) but it was counter balanced by other more 'reasonable' characters like Sybil and Polly who would challenge Basil who it seemed was incapable of any insight in to how his behaviour effected work colleagues! Poor Manuel would cop it mercilessly from Basil who always remained loyal and respectful of his malevolent boss.

Please don't hurt me!

An REBT perspective on Basil's emotional and behavioural status would (and probably has already!) take up 'an entire conference!' What are his 'mustabatory' demands on others and the world? What is he getting (or not getting) that he must not get. And why is it so awful when the world doesn't deliver what he must have and why is it never his fault (Faulty) when things go awry?

Have you ever worked in a situation that would provide 'enough material for an entire conference?' Do you work in an environment bordering on the toxic where a particular individual has hijacked what would otherwise be a pleasant and cordial and more productive workplace? Do you find it difficult to be in the same proximity of this individual (s)? How do you manage yourself and how do you maintain your own sense of worth and dignity?

Any ideas would be most welcome!

Basil and his counterfoils Sybil and Polly

Always Like A Girl - self acceptance, confidence

A federal politician called his political opponent 'an economic girlie man.'  He claims the slur was not 'gender specific' so cannot be construed as sexist. I'm not sure what this means but it again brings into question the appropriateness of casual throwaway gender based put downs as a way to entertain, get a laugh or to demean someone. Is it OK to use gender in such a way? Is it just fun? Have a look at this video. It illustrates how 'girly' behaviour is conditioned, subordinating the female gender role in society. Compare and contrast the 'I act like a girl' and 'I act as myself' behaviours. One characterises a subservient attitude of how others 'expect' her to behave, the other of assertive confidence and self acceptance. 

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. ~Faith Whittlesey