I am the best - the teacher told me so!

‘The teacher said I’m the best pupil’ the student declares proudly (see picture below). What does this mean? The individual may construe this in a rational way or an irrational way. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education teaches student’s about Unconditional Self - Acceptance that demonstrates how one positive or one negative personal attribute or characteristic does not or cannot define categorically a person’s total value.  It teaches students that their worth isn’t given to them by others and therefore cannot be taken away. They have worth because they exist and ‘that’s that’ as Albert Ellis would say. The same applies to success and failure.  We can fail at something but does that make us failures?

This is a very important insight for students to have. How many students measure their worth according to how well they do in their exams? Or how they are esteemed by others? When we measure our worth according to how others view us or how well we do we are at great risk. Why? Because when people we like do not like us and when we bomb out in our studies (as may happen) we may view this to mean that that we are unlikeable, dumb and unworthy. Dr. Ellis would say that this is self-defeating musturbatory thinking. Must we absolutely always achieve our goals and must we have the love and respect of all significant others?

Our subject, the ‘best pupil’ may seek the approval of the teacher and others in order to validate his personal worth. If he needs the approval of significant others (his teacher) he will work hard to ‘please’ the teacher at every opportunity. He may develop Serious Approval Dependence (SAD) and experience exaggerated levels of anxiety (I must do well. It would be awful if I didn’t). He may outperform his peers in some aspects of the curriculum and he could consistently achieve high grades but this cannot determine his overall worth as a person. He has some faults and hopefully more positive attributes so it is impossible to rate him as ‘the best.’

Better that he consider his teachers assertion that he is the best pupil in some kind of perspective; 

‘yeah I do well because I work hard and I’m good at some things and I feel good about that. I am not the best pupil because Mary is by far a better artist than I am and I don’t do so well at music. The teacher may consider me the best but that’s his opinion. I know I am OK and worthwhile but not any better or worse than anyone else. I accept myself even when I do badly at things.'

Use the picture from People and Emotions to explore these ideas. What might the other student be thinking? Would she feel upset about this or really angry? Would she feel sad and disappointed or really depressed about the teacher’s appraisal of our ‘best’ pupil?

Teach your students the link between thinking (believing) feeling and behaviour. Tell them about helpful thinking (rational) like:

Unconditional Self-acceptance: I accept myself warts and all. I cannot be bad or good. I’m worthwhile even when I fail and others reject me.

Unconditional Other Acceptance: I accept others because they exist like me. I won’t judge their person but I can judge aspects of their person and decide not to associate with them if I choose. I can dislike a behaviour which though bad doesn’t make them totally bad.

Unconditional Life Acceptance: I accept that the world isn’t for me or against me. Sometimes things won’t go my way. I don’t expect that I should always get what I want (though I prefer I did).

These attitudes/beliefs/philosophies give rise to manageable, healthy negative emotions like sadness, concern and annoyance.

On the other hand the following attitudes/beliefs/philosophies (irrational) precipitate feelings of anger/rage, depression and anxiety.

Conditional Self-Acceptance: I am only worthwhile if others think so or if I do well at things. If I fail it means I am a failure, which is awful, and I can’t stand it.

Conditional Other Acceptance: I accept others only if they meet my idea of what’s normal/cool/ok. If they don’t they deserve to be punished and ridiculed and ignored.

Conditional Life Acceptance: Things must go my way and if they don’t it’s not fair and I can’t stand it. It is awful!

The poem below is written from the perspective of the student who is not the best pupil according to the teacher.

A group of schools in Whyalla, the Whyalla REBE School Cluster, teach these ideas through Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy across all curriculum areas. A good thing to do indeed!

The teacher said …

The teacher said that he’s the best,

And this must mean, for sure 

That I have no worth, that I’m no good 

And there’s no point in trying anymore.

Well that’s a view that one can take

If that is what you choose to do

But where’s the evidence, all the facts

That prove what you say is true?

It’s nice to be liked and noticed

Of this there is no doubt

But it’s not what others think

That this is all about!

We are all worthwhile and worthy

Believe me, I insist 

That it’s true and so it follows

We are worthwhile because we exist!

Work hard to reach your goals

And remember it is true 

That not trying will not hurt others

As much as it will hurt you! 

The said 'I'm the best!'

Copyright People and Emotions

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education - the latest.

What is the Albert Ellis Professional Learning Centre?

It is a professional learning facility designed to provide quality professional learning to teachers, para professionals, counsellors and community mental health workers. The workshop program is based on the pioneering work of Dr Albert Ellis who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. He died in 2007 but his legacy lives on through The Centre.


What is Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and how does this help students?

A represents what happens, B represents my constructed set of beliefs (philosophy) and C is the emotional and behavioural consequence of A + B. Through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education students learn to understand how their beliefs (B) have a significant influence on behaviour and emotions. This is useful for students because many believe that their behaviour and emotional upset is directly related to A i.e. someone or something MADE them angry/depressed/anxious. With this insight students are empowered to learn how to manage destructive negative emotions and behaviours. This is teachers work — at Stuart High School

What is the Whyalla REBE Schools Collective? 

This is a group of schools which promotes positive mental health across all curriculum areas through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. It is a system of behaviour education that alerts students to their constructed habits of thinking which underpin their behavioural and emotional responses to daily situations. It helps students identify, challenge and change dysfunctional beliefs so that they can more efficiently pursue their goals in life. It is not behaviour management.

Through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education students are becoming aware that the manner in which they respond to situations emotionally and behaviourally is linked to the way they think about them. Once they understand this they can begin to examine their constructed habits of thinking and work to change those that aren't helpful and bolster those that do. Skilled teaching is integral to helping students understand these constructivist principles and practices.

What students are saying ...


'I didn't want to go to my maths class. I felt really anxious and a bit sick but I went anyway. I want to be successful and not going to class won't help me. I told myself I could do this.' Year 9 student at Stuart High School talking about how he deals with challenging stuff.

'I know when my teacher talks about my behaviour she is not judging me. I have learnt through REBE that I am not what I do. I am always worthwhile.' Year 10 students discussing Dr. Albert Ellis' Unconditional Self Acceptance.

Student to teacher: 'You make me angry! This sucks!' Teacher replies: "What's your rule? Is it 'its unfair when I am asked to do something I don't like and its so awful I can't stand it?' Examine your rule as it may not be a helpful one." Rational Emotive Behaviour Education at work. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education @ Whyalla Schools REBE Cooperative. — in Whyalla, South Australia.

'You can call me stupid but don't expect me to believe you. I accept myself.' Year 9 student in response to a fellow students unverifiable assertions about her. 

'I can control my feelings if I check my thinking. Sometimes I think things are worse than they are.' Year 7 student. Whyalla, South Australia, Australia.

'That kid makes me so angry.' Teacher to colleague. Colleague replies 'you make yourself angry because you are demanding something you can't get at this time.' REBT - musting, oughting and shoulding. — at Stuart High School

'I told myself that it wasn't a huge problem like losing my teddy. I felt better' - Pina. A six year old student managing her emotions effectively using the Catastrophe Scale to put the 'badness' of a situation into a healthy context - Rational Emotive Behaviour Education at work. Whyalla Stuart Primary School.

https://www.facebook.com/TheAlbertEllisProfessionalLearningCentre

The REBT Network and Albert Ellis

The information below is taken from the REBT Network site (http://www.rebtnetwork.org/). This website was set up to provide information and support to those interested in Dr. Albert Ellis' Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. A network of schools is applying REBT across all year levels through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education in Whyalla, South Australia. All teachers have been trained in the understanding and application of Ellis' REBT. They are successfully using Ellis' renowned and tested ABC Theory Theory of Emotional Disturbance to teach students how feelings and behaviours are attached to constructed personal philosophies about ourselves, others and life. The Whyalla REBE School Network appreciates the support given to educators to help students fulfill their potential.

Albert Ellis and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)

The REBT Network was established in 2006 to promote Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and the life and work of its creator, Dr. Albert Ellis, Ph.D.  Central to REBT's teachings is the ancient psychological insight of Epictetus, who said, “What disturbs men's minds is not events but their judgments on events.”  That idea helped REBT become both an effective, evidence-based psychotherapy and a philosophy of living.

The REBT Network is a public service, news organization designed to provide self-help information, news updates, historical background and educational essays about REBT and the contributions of Dr. Albert Ellis to the field of psychology and philosophy.  We sell no products or services.

Dr. Ellis founded an educational and therapy institute in 1959, which is now known as the Albert Ellis Institute.   From 2005, up until the time of his death, Dr. Ellis was involved in a legal dispute with the Albert Ellis Institute, which he said was following an agenda that is in many ways inconsistent with Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.  The REBT Network is in no way affiliated with the Albert Ellis Institute.

Albert Ellis Ph.D. was a clinical psychologist who trained as a psychoanalyst. Early in his career, he became disillusioned with the slow progress of his clients. He noticed that they got better much quicker once they changed their ways of thinking about themselves and their problems. In 1955 he developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is now a widely-practiced, comprehensive, and highly effective form of psychotherapy. In addition to being a proven therapy, REBT offers an approach to life that leads to greater fulfillment and happiness. At the heart of REBT are the concepts of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.

Please visit http://www.rebtnetwork.org for more information.

Article for The National Psychologist: Master Therapists.

Albert Ellis PhD.

This appears in the current Jan/Feb 2013 edition of the National Psychologist: Vol 22, No. 1. Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis talks about her late husband and his work: Dr Albert Ellis, Master Therapist.

Albert Ellis, legendary pioneer in the field of cognitive psychology, was a genius.

He created his approach of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), describing its methods and techniques in clear style - through his writings, presentations, trainings and therapy sessions. REBT was understood and embraced by people within the world of psychology and those from every walk of life.

His whole-hearted and earnest goal was to help as many people as possible to suffer less emotional misery and to experience more happiness in their lives.

His tireless work over more than six decades helped millions of people change their lives for the better.

Yes, Albert Ellis was a genius.

He was my mentor, my model.

He also happened to be my husband.

When I studied the various psychological approaches during my university days, it was his approach toward which I felt magnetized. I loved its clarity, its efficiency, and its holistic embrace: recognizing the interrelationship of thinking, behavior, and emotions. I loved its humanistic and philosophical emphases, and after first meeting the man (years before we began our relationship) – I loved him. I loved his vigor, his definite and unforgettable style of communicating, his humor, his honesty, and above all his authentic care and compassion for those who were in emotional distress.

From the moment our relationship started we were practically inseparable, and l worked with him in each aspect of his work – including writing, presenting, giving workshops and co-leading groups. I witnessed his approach with students, clients and members of the public in our work settings, and in every other scenario of our lives.

I could write a large volume detailing the many outstanding qualities he exhibited as a master therapist, but for the purpose of this short article I have selected just a few of them to share with you.

1. Authenticity, straightforwardness and practicing what he preached.

He reminded us that all humans are fallible, prone to acting both for and against our healthy goals, but that we have the power to control our emotional destinies, and that by choosing to think in healthy ways we can create appropriate and healthy emotions. With urgency he would often remind us of the swift passing of time – encouraging us to use it well, and not waste it by creating unnecessary misery.

And he did not waste a minute of his time. He would usually work 16 hour days. On planes, in doctors’ waiting rooms and elsewhere – he would never sit idly. Instead he would engage in writing, reading or composing songs and poems.

With straightforward language he would teach the REBT tools which help change and prevent emotional suffering, and often share his own experiences of using them on himself in dealing with his unhelpful tendencies. He never presented himself as someone occupying any altar of “holier that thou” perfection. He spoke of his successful efforts as a young man in overcoming painful and debilitating shyness. He spoke often of the on-going effort he continued to make to prevent, for example, his largely inherited tendency of impatience and low frustration tolerance. He reminded us that, for each one of us, ongoing work and practice are required for the maintenance of healthy change, sharing his example of doing so with successful results. Hence many people felt at ease in his company, did not feel judged or damned for any flaws – they witnessed his unconditional acceptance of himself and heard of his ongoing efforts. They felt his unconditional acceptance of them. Al was an authentic model of what he was recommending, in addition to being teacher and therapist. As a consequence of this, many were less defensive and more receptive to hearing and acting upon recommendations for changing. Al did not pander to any justifications that some people presented for continuing to think and behave in their self-defeating ways. He would dispute such ideas and did not go along passively with clients or students who were hurting themselves. His no-nonsense definite manner added to the motivating energy he provided. And underneath all of that, most people felt his genuine care and concern for their well being.

Journalists and others have written about Al’s experiences during his final years of life: being ousted off the board of his institute and then being re-instated by a Supreme Court judge (even though it was too late to have any impact); of his being stopped by directors from presenting programs in his institute (we rented a room in the building next door to continue giving workshops); and of his sadness in discovering that the original mission statement for his institute had been changed without his knowledge or approval. He felt deeply saddened by these and other related events – and yet continued to practice what he preached. He did not damn or hate the people involved – he was very clear about that. He hated their actions – but did not hate them. Hence he did not experience rage, or depression, just a deep sadness which was wholly appropriate in those circumstances. He also felt genuine compassion for those people.

One afternoon as my tears fell following an incident I considered very harsh and unjust – he gently reminded me “Accept, Debbie, accept. Since they think in the way they think, then they have to act the way they act. We don’t like it. But we had better accept it.” He taught me, and showed me, that unconditional acceptance of others is something we can choose to experience, when we are willing to put in the effort. It may not arise automatically when people act against our goals – hence effort is required. As a result of doing so I felt steadied, less devastated, less hopeless and felt appropriate concern and sadness. Consequently when I work with clients who would benefit from working to choose to accept what they cannot change, I do so with comfort and conviction. I know that I am not just spouting a familiar line or presenting a Pollyanna-ish ideal. I know from my experience that the attainment of unconditional acceptance, though often difficult to do in dire circumstances, is nonetheless achievable when one makes the choice and puts in the effort. And well worth it.

The final 14 months of Al’s life were marred by brutal ill health, yet he continued to practice what he preached. In addition to making effort to change undesirable circumstances with whatever strength he had, he accepted the likelihood that he might not succeed. Though we felt deep sadness, we also practiced another important REBT principle – accepting our sadness whilst also focusing on what was good and positive. Each and every day we relished being together, grateful for our love and remarkable closeness. Though so many things were not going well, we still had one another. And with gratitude we focused on that love, and cherished it.

2. Humor and Keeping Things in Healthy Perspective.

Al included the use of humor as being one of the helpful responses to adopt when circumstances were challenging. He had sharp wit and an uninhibited way of expressing his observations that led many listeners to laugh and to take things less seriously. In one workshop demonstration with Al, a woman shared her negatively critical impressions of her appearance, thinking she would never meet a romantic partner, that she was “never good enough”, and was feeling depressed and anxious as a result. Al asked her from where she got such nutty ideas. She responded “From magazines and family” – to which he answered, “So they are as crazy as you are!”

He said this warmly, with a smile on his face, and she roared with laughter, gaining new perspective on her unrealistic thoughts and self assessments, as he continued to use REBT with her. Over time she successfully worked with Al to stop putting herself down, and her depression and anxiety diminished remarkably.

In our everyday life together Al used humor constantly – including during the tough times.

In 2003 after some months of abdominal discomfort, Al suffered severe symptoms and we rushed to the hospital. His large intestine was severely infected and in danger of bursting at any moment.

Immediate surgery was required, his life was in danger, and the whole of his large intestine was about to be removed. When I told Al this news, instead of complaining, he said “At least they’re not taking my balls!”

2013 is the centennial anniversary year of Al’s birth.

Born with great intelligence and capacity for innovation and creativity, his life and work and his immense dedication to helping people, contributed to their well being in profound ways.

He was a deeply caring and truly golden-hearted man.

His practice, modeling and teaching of the benefit of choosing to constantly work on gaining and experiencing compassion, kindness and unconditional acceptance of oneself, others and life itself during challenging times may have been one of his most important contributions. This attitude was healing for the recipient and elevating for the practitioner.

His life and works will inspire many for years to come.

                                        Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis.

Dr. Albert Ellis and Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis

References:

Ellis, A. & Ellis, D.J. (2011) Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. American Psychological Association: Washington DC.

Ellis, A. (2010) All Out! An Autobiography. Prometheus Books: Amherst, N.Y.

Ellis, A. (2005) The Myth of Self Esteem. Prometheus Books: Amherst, N.Y.

Press Release: Centennial Anniversary of the Birth of Albert Ellis PhD

2013 is the Centennial Anniversary of the birth of Dr Albert Ellis Ph.D. Below is a press release written by his wife Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis. 

Contact: Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis: debbiejoffeellis@gmail.com

Dr Albert Ellis ignited, and powerfully fuelled, the cognitive revolution in psychology, counseling and therapy, with his pioneering approach of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in the 1950’s. In addition, he helped transform limiting and uncivil social mores and attitudes of the time, with his vigorous actions supporting equality for women, gay rights, inter-racial marriage, ending of censorship and many more. He has often been referred to as “The greatest humanitarian since Gandhi”. He wrote over 85 published books and over 800 published articles, presented tirelessly around the USA and across the globe, and helped millions of people through his REBT approach to suffer less emotional misery and to experience more happiness in their lives.

During his Centennial year 2013, his wife Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis is available to speak about Dr Albert Ellis and his legacy.

Born September 27^th, 1913, this year marks the centennial anniversary of his birth. At various major conferences throughout the year tribute will be given to this great man and his contributions. He will be honored posthumously on August 1st, 2013 in the opening ceremony of the annual American Psychological Association convention with the ‘APA Award for Outstanding Lifetime Contributions to Psychology’, which is one of APA’s highest honors.

The first tribute of the year will be presented in a Symposium at the annual Eastern Psychological Association conference, held in New York City, in March 2013. It is hoped that many will attend the various tributes throughout the year, and be inspired by the remarkable works and character of Albert Ellis PhD.

Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis

OUGHTISM

Some not only wish that life were as they would want it to be but insist it should be so. This fanciful way of thinking projects a world where everything is as it ‘oughta be.’ Do you ought should or must on yourself, others and the world?

• Must you always meet your own lofty expectations of yourself?
• Must others always treat you as you would like to be treated?
• Must life in general always deliver what you want?

This form of oughtism manifests in all manner of ailments that get in the way of achieving our goals.

For instance ‘should’ that driver have let you in back there and is he an idiot for not being as attentive as he could (should?) have been?

Are you a hopeless case for getting a C minus in your assignment instead of the A you ‘should’ have got?

Should life be easy for you and deliver to you all that you want to be happy? Isn’t it so unfair when things don’t go your way?

These constructed oughtistic beliefs deny us the ability to deal with challenges appropriately. For instance if we think the driver above should have let you in and he is an idiot for not doing so we may feel angrier than we need be. We may also act aggressively and make poor behavioural choices. Is he making you mad or is your anger a result of your demand that he should have acted more courteously?

Ever said to your child you make me so mad! Is she so powerful that she can determine how strong you feel? Is she responsible for causing your feelings and behaviour? ‘She made me mad and I slapped her. It’s her fault!’ 

Is it reasonable to think that as adults we are now able to assume responsibility of our own emotions and behaviour? Is it not better for our children to observe us dealing with situations in a constructive way so that they won’t develop these self (and other) destructive oughtistic tendencies?

Ideas

• Train yourself to monitor how you react emotionally to a situation; identify how you feel and         how strong that feeling is. Do you feel mad (say 7 or more out of 10)?
• Are you about to rant and throw stuff?
•  Ask yourself ‘Am I in control?’
•   Take some deep breaths and remove yourself from the situation.
•   What are you demanding of the situation that you can’t reasonably expect? E.g. ‘that driver should have let me in back there. Idiot. He makes me mad!’
•     Replace ‘should’ with ‘prefer’ – I’d prefer he’d let me in but he didn’t and I can handle this. His behaviour was bad but that doesn’t make him an idiot.’ 

You will notice that anger gives way to annoyance and disappointment and you remain in control. Your four year old in her seat behind you well notice how well you manage yourself and she will learn some useful rules like:

•    I can stay cool in tough situations
•    I don’t expect that things should/must always go my way
•    I can control how I feel (and act)
•    I can deal with problems without making small problems into bigger ones

She will learn that sometimes things happen that we don’t like but we don’t turn minor problems into catastrophes i.e. We prefer people were more courteous on the road (sometimes they make mistakes).

We are oughting when we think/say:

•      I can't stand this/it! (This shouldn’t happen)
•      I/you failed. Idiot! (I/you shouldn’t fail)
•      It’s not fair! (Life should always be fair)
•     You make me mad! (You shouldn’t do that)
•     I’m hopeless (I shouldn’t make mistakes)

Should I?

I know I can't expect

And I won't

That others should do

When they don't.

I will instead

Accept others

And agree

That everyone else

May think (and act) differently

To me!

Oughtism: The oughtomatic tendency to think in oughts, shoulds and musts.

The ABC of Psychological Immunisation

‘You can’t teach young students the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and it should only be used by a trained psychologist in the counselling setting.’ Albert Ellis railed against this kind of misinformation put forth to preserve the status of the psychologist as ‘expert.’ Ellis of course wanted his ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance to be accessible to all, especially to teachers and students. Far better that young children learn why they feel and act as they do and to develop insights and skills preventatively and educatively in the school setting.

Jonas Salk who created the polio vaccine hypothesised that if we could ‘psychologically immunise’ students they would be less prone to mental health issues and would probably be physically better off too.

Bat Fink, the cartoon character said to his enemies ‘your bullets cannot harm me, my wings are like shields of steel?’ He would wrap his wings around himself deflecting any harmful bullets from hitting him, thwarting those who would have him undone.  

Teaching students how to deflect psychological harm as part of daily curricula activities would be a useful thing. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education does just that by using some basic but essential counselling tools and ideas. To those who may think ‘I am not a psychologist and I have enough to teach’ consider the following and reap the benefits.

1.     Kids actions are determined largely by their constructed views (beliefs) about themselves, others and the world (as indeed our own are).

2.     These beliefs can be largely helpful (rational) or unhelpful (irrational).

3.     Strength of emotion is also linked to these constructed views – ‘I want something and I must have it and I didn’t get it.’= anger. ‘I want something and I prefer to have it but I can wait.’ = disappointment.

4.     Thinking, feeling and behaving are connected – ‘Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so!’ Hamlet.

Strategies

1.     Teach how broccoli is only good or bad depending on what you think about it (replace broccoli with ‘maths’ ‘chores’ etc)

2.     Teach the Emotional Thermometer – words for varying strength of feeling.

3.     Teach the Catastrophe Scale – how to put the severity of problems into reasonable perspective (is a sore toe as bad as your favourite pet gerbil being eaten by a cat)

4.     Provide behaviour specific feedback to students not person specific (you did that well/badly not you are a lazy klutz!)

5.     You can do dumb but not be dumb, a very important distinction (you ARE NOT what you DO. You ARE NOT what others THINK of you). You can fail at something but never can you BE a failure (unless you believe you are – irrational)

Use the idea of Bat Fink deflecting harmful bullets and encourage students to consider information and evidence to draw their own conclusions about their self worth and rejecting (deflecting) errant incoming data. Can a person be bad? No. A person can act badly which does not cancel out the positive qualities that remain.  Failure also doesn’t define a person nor does rejection i.e. we are worthwhile because we are here! (Albert Ellis – Unconditional Self-Acceptance).

Your bullets cannot harm me!