Alfred Korzybski of General Semantics theory said, ‘the map is not the territory’ and ‘the word is not the thing.’ A word may label a thing but it isn’t the thing itself, and a word used to describe a person is not the person themselves. To believe so is unsane according to General Semantics theory i.e., it is not a fair representation of the real world and can cause emotional and behavioural angst!
A persons map of me e.g., their opinion of me, is not
the territory i.e., it is not, does not define me in a global sense. To
agree I am what they call me, is to deny the fact that I am many things
and to abstract one from the many and believe I am that, would be an
irrational belief.
How do young people develop the irrational idea that they can
be dumb, smart, or cute? When a child receives the message that they are
e.g., smart how might that
message be received?
The child, as constructivist, may interpret such feedback to
mean that they are the word smart. How might this influence the child’s
beliefs about the quality of their self? They may learn to believe that
the word smart and similar words, define who they are.
But what happens if someone, somewhere at some stage, has a
different opinion? How might this be received. Someone might say that they believe
they are not so smart, what then? They may experience some kind of
psychological discomfort because someone is challenging their belief that they are
their smartness. What’s going on?
Our young person believes that they can be what
another deems them to be, they believe the word is the person, the
map is the territory! They learn to rely on the approval of others.
If a person grows to need the approval or the esteem of
others, they may be prone to psychological harm like anxiety, depression,
anger. What if people don’t esteem them as they wish to be esteemed? What can
they do about it?
Whilst it is always preferable that people respect and
esteem us, we are advised not to demand that they should. In other words, we
can learn not to put our sense of self in one all or nothing basket
i.e., I am either totally good
or bad, smart, or dumb etc.
Albert Ellis, who created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy
(REBT), referred to needing others approval as ‘love slob-ism’ a dire
need to be liked which inevitably leads to psychological shithood where
we think in oughts, shoulds and musts e.g., people I like must like me or I’m a
hopeless loser! Indeed, Ellis said, shouldhood leads to shithood
psychologically speaking.
REBT and General Semantics say that our worth is not
contingent on the how others may or may not like or esteem us. Our worth is
unconditional, another’s opinion is not us. This is an important concept
for our young learners to begin to understand in the early childhood setting. I
call this I’m worthwhile crocodile thinking and is represented by the
colour red on the Have
a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper chart. REBT calls this unconditional
self-acceptance, the belief that I’m OK even if you don’t think so!
So, the goal of the Rational Emotive Behaviour Educator is
to teach children the difference between rational, evidence based thinking and
irrational nonsensical habits of thinking; to think in flexible ways, to adjust
the mind map to the changing territory rather than see things in
inflexible and absolutist ways.
Have a Go Spaghettio! and ‘Give It a Try Banana Pie!
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