Getting on with 'it'

When 'it' is causing you to feel sad, inert, sluggish, aimless and generally down sometimes the best thing to do is just keep going. There could be a plethora of 'its' that ails us - past traumas, anxieties about the future, fears of today. Which 'it' is it? Or are they many and varied? We can become bogged down in rumination and contemplation which can ultimately overwhelm us until we stop altogether and resign from the world i.e. the big 'it' that is 'making' us so sad - 'stop the world. I want to get off!' As has been observed over the millenia it isn't 'it' that makes us feel as we feel and do what we do.Oh no! Its our estimation of 'it' that does us in! The world is as it is and is neither good or bad but our thinking about 'it' determines whether 'it' is indeed good or bad. As the great Albert Ellis once said:

The world ain't for you or against you. It just doesn't give a shit!

In a blog post writer and comedian Catherine Deveny talks about everyday heroes. These are the people who get on with 'it' (the pressures and strains, trauma and challenge of daily living). Unheralded and anonymous they plough on, survive and hopefully thrive despite their personal trials and tribulations. Some will sadly give in to the pain that ultimately overwhelms them. 

Catherine offers the following advice from her own experiences through her writing in this blog post written in 2008.

http://www.catherinedeveny.com/just-keep-going-a-tribute-to-everyday-heroes/

Catherine says:

1. Every day the sun will rise. It is a different day with endless possibilities.

2. "This too will pass." These words, engraved on an ancient Sultan’s ring, made him solemn in happy times and happy during sad times. Remember these always.

3.You are amazing. You’re doing a great job. Just. Keep. Going.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education Frequently Asked Questions

Q. What is REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy)?

A. It’s a psychotherapy tool used to help people sort out their behavioural and emotional issues. It is based on constructivist theory.

Q. Where does it come from?

A. Dr Albert Ellis created it in the 1950’s. It is acknowledged as the original of the cognitive therapies. Some others are Aaron Becks CBT and William Glassers Choice Theory amongst others. It is a philosophy based approach, Albert Ellis drawing on the work of Epictetus and others of the Stoic tradition.

Q. What’s the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance?

A. It demonstrates that A (the event) is not solely responsible for how someone feels and acts (C) but what we believe (B) has a lot to with it! I.e. A+B=C

Q. I’m not a psychologist. How do I teach this stuff?

A. There are some basic strategies that can be used in daily teaching practise that will value add to the teaching/learning process. You don’t have to be a psychologist!

Q. What is REBE (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education)?

A. It’s the application of REBT theory and practises in daily teaching/learning.

Q. Why is REBE important?

A. It teaches students in a systematic way how their feelings and actions are driven by their constructed beliefs (Rational/irrational). If students are aware of this they can begin to make better choices by deconstructing unhelpful beliefs and replacing them with helpful ones.

Q. How does this support mental health and suicide prevention?

A. REBE is based on the very counselling model, REBT/CBT that is promoted by DECDS, (South Australian Education Department) Beyond Blue and Headspace to name a few. It teaches students that anxiety; depression, anger and shame/guilt are driven by irrational core beliefs. Through REBE we help students to examine their core philosophical beliefs and develop healthier ones. As depression is known to be a precursor to suicide and self-harm the benefit of REBE is inestimable.

Q. What other benefits are there for students?

A. REBE addresses victim and bully behaviour. It is a system based on educative, restorative principles and is a preventative mental health program, which can be delivered via pastoral care and across all curriculum areas.

Q. I feel overwhelmed by the number of approaches, strategies, and programs available.

A. The REBE approach is user friendly. It doesn’t rely on any program per se but on a counselling philosophy that embraces most of what we teach about behaviour/mental health via a plethora of other programs that are presented to us.

 

Hello there!

Q. I’ve heard a lot about Positive Psychology. Is this the new frontier of preventative/educative personal development teaching/learning in schools?

A. Bertrand Russell, eminent mathematician and philosopher of the last century talked about positive psychology. Albert Ellis and others likewise in many and varied ways promote the ideas of PS. Martin Seligman of PS fame draws on many of the ideas and principles of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy/Education.

Unconditional Self Acceptance - Mary Lambert 'Secrets' (Official)

This is a video about self acceptance and the courage to be who you are. Where some try to conform to some ideal of what is 'beautiful' 'cool' 'normal' Mary Lambert shows us that no such things exist ..... unless you let them! A growing number of teachers in schools all over South Australia teach unconditional self acceptance via a daily dose of REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. This video was passed on to me by Dr Ken Rigby who advocates for the promotion of self and other acceptance through his work on bullying (www.kenrigby.net) Have a look at it and pass it on :)  

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

Always Like A Girl - self acceptance, confidence

A federal politician called his political opponent 'an economic girlie man.'  He claims the slur was not 'gender specific' so cannot be construed as sexist. I'm not sure what this means but it again brings into question the appropriateness of casual throwaway gender based put downs as a way to entertain, get a laugh or to demean someone. Is it OK to use gender in such a way? Is it just fun? Have a look at this video. It illustrates how 'girly' behaviour is conditioned, subordinating the female gender role in society. Compare and contrast the 'I act like a girl' and 'I act as myself' behaviours. One characterises a subservient attitude of how others 'expect' her to behave, the other of assertive confidence and self acceptance. 

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. ~Faith Whittlesey

REBT and Whinging and Whining

Why do we whine? Do we know we're whining? What musturbatory demands are we making when our complaints are not in proportion to the perceived severity of our 'bad' circumstances? Catastrophising is potentially harmful and the idea is to train ourselves to recognise when we are 'awfulising' and then to 'see' what is happening in a more measured and reasonable way. Some people are very competent at doing this and seem to habitually regard problems in a calm and thoughtful way. Some of us react in a manner disproportionate to the perceived difficulty of the problem. Ellis talks about our tendency as 'fallible human beings' to make 'mountains out of molehills.' Helping students to develop healthy, rational habits of thinking is the work of many Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators in schools in South Australia e.g. Para Hills School P-7, Long Street Primary School, Whyalla Stuart Campus Primary School, Hincks Avenue Primary School, Whyalla Stuart Kindergarten and Whyalla Stuart High School are a few schools where this is part of the curriculum i.e. teaching students what the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance is and how to use it to feel and act more healthily.

Positive Psychology - not so positive!!

A preservice teacher talked about the confusion of understanding around constructivist theory. Why do we prepare learning programs based on what students know and understand and then apply a 'one size fits all' approach to 'behaviour management?' This confusion persists in schools which claim to promote a positive psychology approach. This cannot be the case if we persist with the 'step system' to address behaviour with its accompanying 'warnings' 'detentions' and 'suspensions etc.' Equality is not about treating everyone the same but the 'step system' does this and in essence promotes a 'negative psychology' perspective in schools. This preservice teacher is on the ball! #REBT #AlbertEllis #schools 

Are we positive about our claims to be positive psychologists or is there a confusion out there in teaching/learning land?

Positive and Negative Psychology practice live side by side in many schools

A Broken Heart and REBT - the need for approval

A young student entered my office sobbing, inconsolable. Her buddy from another class who usually works with her, chose to work with someone else. This was a major disappointment, catastrophic even and as the tears subsided and she composed herself she began to tell me her story. As I listened I was again reminded of the danger of relying on another's acceptance and approval to affirm ones worth. 

I attempted to help Sofia put into perspective the 'badness' of the situation and talked about other issues or problems that could possibly have been worse. One example we discussed was how a broken leg might be worse than the situation outlined above. After a moments consideration Sofia said the following before she again burst into tears: 'A broken leg isn't as bad as a broken heart and she broke my heart!'

When Sofia said that 'She broke my heart' she is applying an A=C philosophy i.e. she didn't choose to do what I wanted her to do (work with her). She is saying that 'because she is not giving me what I must have it is so terrible and I can't stand it. This is just awful.' The depth of 'heartbreak' she will experience depends on how much she believes at B, that she needs this other persons attention/approval. This would suggest an A=C belief that 'I am only worthwhile if this significant other is my friend, gives me approval.' Therefore the significant other who sometimes helps her is not making her (Sofia) so sad or so heartbroken. It is Sofia herself! This would suggest that Sofia needs a lot of confidence work (Unconditional Self Acceptance) so that she will eventually believe at B, that whilst she would like (strongly desire) the approval of significant others she doesn't need it to be worthwhile i.e. an A+B=C philosophy.

As long as Sofia believes others determine how valuable she is (her worth) she is at risk. Hence her emotional fragility and tendency to break down when things don't go so well for her.