Unconditional Self Acceptance - Mary Lambert 'Secrets' (Official)

This is a video about self acceptance and the courage to be who you are. Where some try to conform to some ideal of what is 'beautiful' 'cool' 'normal' Mary Lambert shows us that no such things exist ..... unless you let them! A growing number of teachers in schools all over South Australia teach unconditional self acceptance via a daily dose of REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. This video was passed on to me by Dr Ken Rigby who advocates for the promotion of self and other acceptance through his work on bullying (www.kenrigby.net) Have a look at it and pass it on :)  

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

Always Like A Girl - self acceptance, confidence

A federal politician called his political opponent 'an economic girlie man.'  He claims the slur was not 'gender specific' so cannot be construed as sexist. I'm not sure what this means but it again brings into question the appropriateness of casual throwaway gender based put downs as a way to entertain, get a laugh or to demean someone. Is it OK to use gender in such a way? Is it just fun? Have a look at this video. It illustrates how 'girly' behaviour is conditioned, subordinating the female gender role in society. Compare and contrast the 'I act like a girl' and 'I act as myself' behaviours. One characterises a subservient attitude of how others 'expect' her to behave, the other of assertive confidence and self acceptance. 

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. ~Faith Whittlesey

REBT and Whinging and Whining

Why do we whine? Do we know we're whining? What musturbatory demands are we making when our complaints are not in proportion to the perceived severity of our 'bad' circumstances? Catastrophising is potentially harmful and the idea is to train ourselves to recognise when we are 'awfulising' and then to 'see' what is happening in a more measured and reasonable way. Some people are very competent at doing this and seem to habitually regard problems in a calm and thoughtful way. Some of us react in a manner disproportionate to the perceived difficulty of the problem. Ellis talks about our tendency as 'fallible human beings' to make 'mountains out of molehills.' Helping students to develop healthy, rational habits of thinking is the work of many Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators in schools in South Australia e.g. Para Hills School P-7, Long Street Primary School, Whyalla Stuart Campus Primary School, Hincks Avenue Primary School, Whyalla Stuart Kindergarten and Whyalla Stuart High School are a few schools where this is part of the curriculum i.e. teaching students what the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance is and how to use it to feel and act more healthily.

Positive Psychology - not so positive!!

A preservice teacher talked about the confusion of understanding around constructivist theory. Why do we prepare learning programs based on what students know and understand and then apply a 'one size fits all' approach to 'behaviour management?' This confusion persists in schools which claim to promote a positive psychology approach. This cannot be the case if we persist with the 'step system' to address behaviour with its accompanying 'warnings' 'detentions' and 'suspensions etc.' Equality is not about treating everyone the same but the 'step system' does this and in essence promotes a 'negative psychology' perspective in schools. This preservice teacher is on the ball! #REBT #AlbertEllis #schools 

Are we positive about our claims to be positive psychologists or is there a confusion out there in teaching/learning land?

Positive and Negative Psychology practice live side by side in many schools

A Broken Heart and REBT - the need for approval

A young student entered my office sobbing, inconsolable. Her buddy from another class who usually works with her, chose to work with someone else. This was a major disappointment, catastrophic even and as the tears subsided and she composed herself she began to tell me her story. As I listened I was again reminded of the danger of relying on another's acceptance and approval to affirm ones worth. 

I attempted to help Sofia put into perspective the 'badness' of the situation and talked about other issues or problems that could possibly have been worse. One example we discussed was how a broken leg might be worse than the situation outlined above. After a moments consideration Sofia said the following before she again burst into tears: 'A broken leg isn't as bad as a broken heart and she broke my heart!'

When Sofia said that 'She broke my heart' she is applying an A=C philosophy i.e. she didn't choose to do what I wanted her to do (work with her). She is saying that 'because she is not giving me what I must have it is so terrible and I can't stand it. This is just awful.' The depth of 'heartbreak' she will experience depends on how much she believes at B, that she needs this other persons attention/approval. This would suggest an A=C belief that 'I am only worthwhile if this significant other is my friend, gives me approval.' Therefore the significant other who sometimes helps her is not making her (Sofia) so sad or so heartbroken. It is Sofia herself! This would suggest that Sofia needs a lot of confidence work (Unconditional Self Acceptance) so that she will eventually believe at B, that whilst she would like (strongly desire) the approval of significant others she doesn't need it to be worthwhile i.e. an A+B=C philosophy.

As long as Sofia believes others determine how valuable she is (her worth) she is at risk. Hence her emotional fragility and tendency to break down when things don't go so well for her.

Albert Ellis, REBT and Rubbish Bins

I was doing my rounds at school the other day. A young student (7 years old) had a waste paper bin over his  head. This sounds a bit like the intro of a joke (I went to the doctor the other day...). Anyway I spoke to the student and he told me he did this because 'I'm rubbish and that's where I belong.' On other occasions he had said to me that he was bad/naughty.

This kind of talk would suggest to me (as a Rational Emotive Behaviour Educator) that the child has constructed a view of himself that is irrational and therefore self defeating. Somehow he has concluded that he has no worth ('I'm rubbish') which is reflected in his poor behaviour and in the tears he shed's when we talk about this. 

So how do we help this sad (depressed?) young person mend his breaking (broken?) spirit? 

Albert Ellis said 'the future of psychology and psychotherapy is in the school system' but 'the future' is yet to arrive it would seem. Educationalists and academics would do well to consider what is happening on its 'own doorstep' here in south Australia. 

Many schools are using Rational Emotive Behaviour Education to help students understand how their thinking, feeling and behaviour are linked. 

Rubbish is what has been discarded because it has no use (not worth anything) and our young student may have decided that he is of no use. Why has he arrived at this conclusion? If this is his reality where might it lead him?

This young person could do with a daily dose of USA teaching (Unconditional Self Acceptance) where he can be left in no doubt that his worth is not tethered to the views of others or how well or badly he may perform at a task. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is about doing this and there are many schools applying REBT principles in daily practise across all year levels.

Students of all ages can live happier and healthier lives if they understand how as constructivists their habits of believing are connected to how they feel and how they behave. Their lives may depend on it!

REBT in Schools - The ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance

Kids who present with anger, anxiety, depression have an A=C constructed view of the world, themselves and others e.g. I am angry (C) because you (A) made me angry. It was your fault I did what I did.

This view is underpinned by an irrational set of core beliefs of which there are many. The main ones are:

• I must get what I want
• You must give me what I want
• And life should be easy

These beliefs are learned, deeply (unconciously) embedded and students will not know this unless it is taught to them. That's where Rational Emotive Behaviour Education comes in.

Educators at Para Hills Primary teaching REBT through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education

We would like students to understand how their thinking, feeling and behaving are interconnected so that they can begin to learn how to manage themselves more effectively. I.e. we want them to understand that A+B=C which is Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance. This is a useful theory and is a constructivist model. Dig down a little into Seligmans Positive Psychology, Glassers' Choice Theory, Becks CBT etc and this model is front and centre.

Wouldn't it be helpful if the academics and leaders in education copped on and invested in this kind of teaching and learning in schools which at very little cost has significant potential for positive mental health outcomes for all students! Albert Ellis would have a strong preference for this to happen!

Children aren't the only A=C philosophers - we all do it!