Screwballs, Nutters and Faulty Bits

'There's enough there for an entire conference!' the psychiatrist guest was heard to say to another on witnessing the behaviour of hapless Basil of Fawlty Towers fame (BBC TV UK).

'There's enough there for an entire conference.'

This quote comes to mind whenever I experience behaviour that is beyond the generally agreed norm of what constitutes civility in the workplace. A persons general demeanour and actions can have a positive effect on others; encouraging, supportive and respectful or they can have an otherwise entirely negative effect on them!

Basil's behaviour invoked feelings of frustration and anger from others (how can anyone be so inept) but it was counter balanced by other more 'reasonable' characters like Sybil and Polly who would challenge Basil who it seemed was incapable of any insight in to how his behaviour effected work colleagues! Poor Manuel would cop it mercilessly from Basil who always remained loyal and respectful of his malevolent boss.

Please don't hurt me!

An REBT perspective on Basil's emotional and behavioural status would (and probably has already!) take up 'an entire conference!' What are his 'mustabatory' demands on others and the world? What is he getting (or not getting) that he must not get. And why is it so awful when the world doesn't deliver what he must have and why is it never his fault (Faulty) when things go awry?

Have you ever worked in a situation that would provide 'enough material for an entire conference?' Do you work in an environment bordering on the toxic where a particular individual has hijacked what would otherwise be a pleasant and cordial and more productive workplace? Do you find it difficult to be in the same proximity of this individual (s)? How do you manage yourself and how do you maintain your own sense of worth and dignity?

Any ideas would be most welcome!

Basil and his counterfoils Sybil and Polly

Lost in Translation - meanings and feelings

Learning an additional language to your own has many benefits; the insights you acquire of other cultures and the nuances of word meanings in that language are a couple. We say in my language things like 'I'd love a nice cup of tea' or to others we might say 'Would you like a nice cup of tea?' What do we mean by 'nice cup of tea?'

My 'nice' may not be your 'nice' but we don't stop to think 'we'll see whether it's nice or not when I get it.' That phrase 'a nice cup of tea' has meanings beyond the literal. It's wrapped up in the tradition of tea drinking, the rituals surrounding the great Irish past time (in my case) of having a nice 'cuppa tae.' Taking tea or having tea' may mean taking a chance to rest a while and ponder or engage with other folk, to have a chat. In my mind the 'niceness' of having a cuppa is not entirely to do with how the tea meets my personal tastes but more to do with the other stuff surrounding it. 

'Sit down and have a nice cup of tea' is not so much an invitation to rate the quality and taste of the drink itself but to stop a while and join in some banter about whatever. The tea can be average to exquisite but the niceness of it is considered in the context in which it is consumed; the context of culture. In this sense the meaning we make of the 'a nice cup of tea' is more than literal.

The niceness of a nice cup of tea to me is the stuff going on around the drinking of it. I have memories of coming down to the 'scullery' of a morning and seeing my granda' sitting at the table drinking his tea with a slice of bread and 'buther' reading yesterdays Írish Independent (the Indie). He would say 'sit yourself down child and I'll get ye a cuppa tae.' The tea was always nice (though sometimes stewed) but not because of the tea itself. It's niceness is all wrapped up in memories of times and people past - dear old granda!

Go on Father Go on go on go on!

I'm now as old as he was then and Dublin of the 1960's is a million light years form Adelaide in 2015 and I still think to myself 'It's time to have a nice cup of tea.'

I was in the City the other day and my partner and I stopped by a restaurant for a cup of something. I pondered the menu a while and decided to have a cup of tea. The waiter (whose first language was not English) asked me what I would like and I said 'I'd like a nice cup of tea please.' His demeanor changed somewhat as he looked at me quizzically and said 'define nice!' It wasn't a question borne of curiosity but more in the tone of 'are you suggesting that you would get anything but 'nice' at this fine establishment. Are you comparing us at all with other places who may not place as much importance on quality of product and service as we do!'

Something had been lost in translation. The intended meaning of what I said didn't match his received interpretation of it and the waiter had taken umbrage. Whether this was right or wrong, professional or unprofessional is not the point here. It wasn't until after the event that I worked out what may have happened and I can only put it down to that one little word 'nice' and how it is wrapped up in all manner of meanings in my experience, in my culture. 'Would ye not sit down and have a nice cuppa tae child?'

Have a nice day!

The Vinehouse, Banagher Co Offaly 

Dalai Lama and Albert Ellis - of like minds

'Human potential is the same for all. Your feeling, “I am of no value”, is wrong. Absolutely wrong. You are deceiving yourself. We all have the power of thought – so what are you lacking? If you have willpower, then you can change anything. It is usually said that you are your own master.' 

Dalai Lama

 

Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama talks here about the power of thought (belief). It is 'absolutely wrong' (irrational) to believe we are of no value. It is this belief that undermines our students ability to realise their potential. It is this false premise that causes our students of all ages to feel depressed, anxious. angry. 

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education teaches students the Success Helper belief that they can never be worthless. This is based on evidence. Once students develop this foundation belief they grow in confidence and become as Albert Ellis said 'less self disturbable.'

Students learn that:

• No one gives them their worth
• A bad deed does not make a bad person 
• A good deed does not make a good person
• They are not their behaviour
• They are not the opinion of others

This is what teachers do at Para Hills School P-7, Port Augusta West Primary and in many other schools in South Australia through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. Great stuff!

REBT in Schools - making kids less self disturbable

Making kids less self disturbable? What does this mean? Aren’t people disturbed by things that happen to them? Don’t we hear ourselves and others say ‘it’ makes me mad when so and so happens? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if what’s her name was this way instead of that way? etc.

If we could make ‘it’ disappear then we’d all feel better wouldn’t we? ''Please make it so that I will not be inconvenienced today and that my day will be one free of discomfort and full of joy!'' we implore. We can wish this be the case but can we guarantee it will be that way?

The problem is that inevitably we will experience discomfort in our day and how disturbed we make ourselves depend on what we expect of our day in the first place. How do we view the events of the day?

Epictetus

'Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.'

The students that come to see me are dealing with questions like; why must I do writing when I want to play on the ipad? Writing makes me mad why must I do it! Why is the teacher so mean, she won’t let me draw and she makes me mad. I’m so dumb and hopeless. You get the picture don’t you? Don’t I? Don’t they?

No they don’t and that is why they present with self defeating, debilitating feelings of anger, anxiety, shame and depression. Please make writing disappear! Please make the teacher let me do what I want when I want to! Please take ‘it’ away and then and only then can I feel OK!

'The universe doesn’t care about you, it’s not for or against you, it just doesn’t give a shit.'

Albert Ellis

Albert Ellis

If Epictetus and Ellis are right and we can’t make ‘it’ disappear then is there another way to deal with challenge and adversity, discomfort, failure and rejection? Why are these children disturbed if it isn’t ‘it’ causing them to be? Is there another cause; another factor or factors at work here?

Albert Ellis said that schools and educators could help children learn how to be less disturbable when things don’t go so well. He argues that as constructivists we have all developed our own habits of thinking (beliefs) and these mostly unconscious personal philosophies determine how strong we may respond to events and happenings. 

• I must absolutely get what I believe I must have!
• She must be my friend (she is such a louse/I am such a loser)!
• I must always get an A for my assignments (if I don’t I’m a loser)!
• It’s unfair when things don’t go my way (as they should)!

 Jonas Salk who developed the polio vaccine said to Martin Seligman:

'If I were a young scientist today, I would still do immunisation. But instead of immunising kids physically, I’d do it your way. I’d immunise them psychologically. I’d see if these psychologically immunised kids could then fight off mental illness better. Physical illness too.'

Jonas Salk

Ellis tells us that poor mental health is not so much a consequence of the ‘outside it’ but more to do with the ‘inside it!’ Children (and us) are making ourselves disturbed because of what we believe about ourselves, others and life in general. If children can learn how their thinking, feeling and behaving are linked they then have a way to begin to work out how to manage themselves more effectively i.e. so they make themselves less disturbed and more able to handle challenge, discomfort etc. This is what Salk meant about psychologically immunising children with the means to see things in a rational way. Ellis gives us this opportunity through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education and educators are taking heed!

A growing number of schools in South Australia are teaching students how as constructivists they ‘make’ ‘build’ ‘construct’ the ‘thinking rules’ that underpin how they feel and how they behave through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. They are taught to:

• Identify what they believe
• Decide whether they are helpful (rational) or unhelpful (irrational) beliefs
• Challenge, change and replace errant habits of thinking with more helpful (rational) ones
• Practise, practise, practise until old habits of thinking are replaced with new ones (automatic helpful thinking feeling and behaving)

Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators are doing this on a daily basis in schools like Para Hills School P-7 and Port Augusta West Primary School and in many others. Get on board the REBE bandwagon and see the difference it makes!

BATFINK!