Albert Ellis, REBT and the Over-Nurtured Child

What is a Bonsai child ? It's a new term to describe the child who has been over tended to, fussed over and over supervised. When something happens at school an enquiry is needed to get to the bottom of 'why Isabella fell out with her friend and what did the school do about it as she is such a sensitive child!' Is Isabella temporarily sad or is she depressed. Could be either but it's important to know the difference. 

Clinical psychologist and researcher Judith Locke writes in her book The Bonsai Child "A sense of melancholy is labelled depression; any trepidation is labelled anxiety. A friendship fight is bullying." The Bonsai Child is her term for children who are over-nurtured.

Michael Carr-Gregg talks about marshmallow kids a generation of children who are afraid to fail. Do they experience healthy disappointment when they don't achieve their goals and wants or do they feel unhealthily depressed and angry about not getting what they want? Are these children being conditioned to be so by over zealous parenting of the 'bonsai' and 'helicopter' kind? 

President of the Australian Primary Principals Association Dennis Yarrington says. "We used to say they're a little bit nervous, now they're suffering from anxiety or depression. They're adult words.'' He goes on to say that, ''students need to be taught strategies to deal with challenges, but sometimes parents' first reaction was to ship them off to a specialist "because that's what people do".

Parents, teachers and all adult mentors and supervisors of children would do well to acquaint themselves with counselling models that can explain how strength of emotion is driven by the beliefs and expectations a person has about life and living. Cognitive and Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapies are highly effective.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education teaches children from early childhood to high school (and beyond) that they are constructivists. They have ingrained and well practiced beliefs about themselves, others and life. What are they? Are they helpful/unhelpful? Rational or irrational? How are they linked to how they feel and act? What can they do when things don't go their way? Can they learn reconfigure their personal 'habits of believing' and use them to help them deal with challenge and disappointment? 

As many as one in 10 children have mental health disorders according to a national survey by the University of Western Australia published in recent weeks. What can schools do? One effective tool in helping children learn how to survive challenge and thrive in spite of it is to teach them about Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education (REBE). You can read more about REBE in items throughout this blog if you want more information or you you can visit Albert Ellis' Official Page for up to date news about the late Albert Ellis and REBT.

Albert Ellis on 'whining'

In the meantime take some time to view this YouTube post where Albert Ellis talks about the tendency to whine and whinge often over things we imagine to be worse than they actually are. Enjoy!

On Being 'Undesturbable' - Albert Ellis, schools and education

On the 24^th July eight years ago Albert Ellis died but his work lives on. He would have been encouraged to know that schools have taken up the challenge he set many years ago; teach children how to make themselves less ‘disturbable’.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is doing this is many South Australian schools with positive outcomes.

Teachers have been trained in the understanding and application of Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and they are helping their students to understand that their habits of thinking are linked to how they act and how they feel.

Gone but not forgotten

This insight empowers the child to monitor and assess how she is feeling and how she is estimating (thinking about/interpreting) the situation at hand. How am I feeling? Is this situation as bad as I think it is? I can reassess this situation so that I remain in control and make OK choices.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators (REBE’rs) remind students daily that their worst enemy is often between their ears. They self-sabotage; they undermine their prospects of succeeding by reengaging the negative habits of thinking they have constructed and which have been practiced all their lives. This self-talk is on a continuous ‘loop’ reminding them that they are useless/dumb/unlikeable and that this is their lot in life.

These habits of believing can be challenged, deconstructed and replaced with healthier more rational ones. Ellis said we (genetic predisposition aside) construct our depression so we can deconstruct it; we can make ourselves less self disturbable!

How say you? This is the subject of most of the items published on this humble blog but in a nutshell the key is in the daily teaching reminders i.e.

•  Our worth is not given to us by anyone so it can’t be taken away
•  We are not what we do or what others think of us
•  It is impossible to rate ourselves ‘good’ or ‘bad’ so don’t waste time doing so

The more our students are exposed to this logic the less self disturbable they will become and that’s what Albert Ellis would want. Well done all the REBE’rs out there!

 

Wise rabbit

CBT in Schools - Para Hills School P-7 leading the way in South Australia

“Schools provide a convenient location to deliver emotional health prevention programs for children. Whilst there are a number of school based programs, few have been scientifically evaluated to determine what effect they have on children’s emotional health,” said lead author Professor Paul Stallard, of the University of Bath’s Department for Health.

Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) has been shown to greatly reduce anxiety levels in schoolchildren ages nine to 10 years old, according to new research from Oxford University. Researchers believe that this therapy would benefit all children, regardless of their anxiety levels." http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/07/20/cbt-in-elementary-school-curriculum-lowers-childrens-anxiety-levels/72685.html

The above extract from a PsychCentral article of July last year reinforces the work of schools in well being promotion based on CBT. Many schools in South Australia are applying Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) principles in daily teaching practise through The Rational Emotive Behaviour Education Program.

Para Hills School P-7 leads the way in Social and Emotional learning and promotion. All children are taught that they are philosophers, thinkers and that they have constructed their own 'thinking rules' that are 'çonnected' to their actions and feelings. They learn how their irrational thinking habits are unhelpful to them and rational ones are more useful. This way they can learn to control potentially self (and other) defeating actions and emotions. Do life's events and other people make them angry or do they make their own anger when engaging their irrational thinking rules? Albert Ellis, creator of REBT said that we by and large construct our own anger, depression and anxiety so we can theoretically learn how to deconstruct them and replace them with better habits of believing. 

Para Hills School P-7 leading the way in REBT/CBT based mental health promotion

The REBE in Schools Program helps students develop personal capabilities that assist them with their academic and social learning. Students who have healthy concerns rather than unhealthy anxieties; healthy sadness and annoyance over depression and anger will succeed even in the face of challenge.

Schools are the place to put these ideas in practice. Teachers are working hard at the 'çhalk face' to empower children with the insights and understandings that will help them at school and beyond. Para Hills School P-7 has been doing this methodically and comprehensively across all year levels on a daily basis building a culture of well being and success.

Albert Ellis Legacy Lives On! - Rational Emotive Behaviour Education in Schools, South Australia

Schools are showing keen interest in the good work of teachers at Para Hills School P-7. The Rational Emotive Behaviour Education in Schools Program continues to have positive outcomes for students' social and emotional well being. There is growing evidence also that students are 'switching on to' learning as they develop and build their personal capabilities to believe in themselves and to hang in there when things seem too hard. As the term draws to an end much respect goes out to all educators who work tirelessly in often challenging situations to help students fulfil their potential. 

As Albert Ellis said many years ago he believed the future of psychotherapy was in the school system and this message continues to resonate strongly today and is not lost on educators far and wide who help students understand how their constructed philosophies are linked to how they feel and behave.

Ellis said on many occasions that we construct how we feel because of the habits of thinking we have developed. This is in evidence daily in schools where young children will articulate how 'bad' or 'dumb' they are. These ideas are reflected in various ways emotionally and behaviourally. They don't just feel annoyed or upset but rather angry and/or extremely sad. They may withdraw and refuse to do their set tasks or lash out in anger.The job of the Rational Emotive Behaviour Educator is to help students identify, challenge and change irrational self defeating habits of thinking. This will in turn help them to make better choices and to manage their emotions more effectively. 

Mental Health Promotion - South Australian schools on the ball!

According to 'A Way Forward: Equipping Australia’s Mental Health System for the Next Generation :

'Online mental health services can involve cognitive behaviour courses that help people identify unhelpful thoughts and behaviours and learn healthier skills and habits.'

Online MH support services the report says are low cost and highly effective. Young people who are struggling with mental health concerns are finding online support useful to them. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) courses are available to help young people identify, challenge and change unhelpful thoughts.

This is precisely what teachers are doing at Para Hills School P-7 in Adelaide South Australia.

Through the Rational Emotive Behaviour Education Program children are taught how to develop healthy habits of thinking about themselves, others and the world. Teachers do this across all curriculum areas at every year level day in and day out. This very important school based approach to MH promotion/development/prevention/intervention complements and supports community based mental health promotion like ReachOut, HeadSpace and the like.

Albert Ellis who is considered the grandfather of CBT was aware of what schools were doing in South Autsralia and supported work here up until his death in 2007.

Well done all teachers who embed MH teaching and learning in daily practice.

Para Hills School P-7 teachers a step ahead and cooking with gas! smile emoticon

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Positive Psychology and Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy

The ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance illustrates how feelings and behaviour at C are determined by what happens at A and B i.e. what we believe (B) about what happens (A). This is an A+B=C philosophy. What happens when our constructed view of ourselves equates to an A=C way of believing e.g. failing at A makes me feel depressed at C and causes me to give up.

An A=C philosophy ‘If I fail at A I feel really bad at C 'it' (A) makes me angry and sad’ is problematic for our less resilient kids because they are unaware that constructed beliefs at B have a lot to do with it!


A is what happens e.g. 'someone has rejected me!' and C is how I feel and act in response to A e.g. 'I feel really sad because she has rejected me so I stay at home etc' The depth of despair and how long it lasts will depend on how self accepting the person is.

If a child ‘needs’ the approval of others he/she is at risk of depression, anger, anxiety because their psychological well being depends on how others view them. We want students to have such a strong sense of self-worth that rejection and failure will not be as damaging as could otherwise be (What I think of me is more important that your view of me!)

Don't tell me your problems

It is easy to say 'you're OK no matter what' but how do you demonstrate how this is true, factual? Here are some strategies you can try!


1. Draw the outline of 3 people with one full of pluses (+) one full of minuses (-) and one containing both (more pluses of course). Discuss which best represents us i.e. are we perfect, are we 'rubbish' or are we a composite of each? Does a negative attribute take away all the positive ones? Does someones negative opinion of you take away your positive attributes?

Don't let istakes define you


2. Let children know they are not their behaviour. Tell them they can act badly but that doesn't make them bad.


3. Tell them that anothers opinion of them does not mean they are that opinion i.e. they don't have to accept another persons appraisal of them (refer to 1. above)

I think I can even if you don't


4. Always give behaviour specific feedback and don't use global rating terms like naughty, bad, lazy etc.


5. Train yourself not to say 'good boy/girl.' Why? Because they can choose good or bad behaviours but they are always worthwhile!

Bully for You! REBT and Self Acceptance - a protective factor against bullying

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is taught at Para Hills School P-7. REBE helps students to develop a strong and healthy sense of self worth i.e. a confidence that is hard to shake especially when others disapprove of them/bully them. This a way to 'psychologically immunise' students against bullying. 

Bully for You!

Do you think you have nothing to offer

Use self-talk which is negative and untrue

And you don’t think you amount to much?

Then I have just the thing for you!

Bully for you, bully for you

I have a bully for you!

I look for people to victimise

My admiring buddies think I’m great

I like to see fear in your eyes

You deserve to suffer mate!

Bully for you, bully for you

I’m the bully for you.

I will persist, never let up

I don’t consider how you feel

My life’s work is to see you suffer

You don’t matter; you’re no big deal!

Bully for you, bully for you

I’m the bully for you!

We control our thoughts

We are what we perceive

We can choose to be powerless victims

Until we change what we believe

Victim for you, victim for you

Will I be the victim for you?

I’m a worthwhile person

I have qualities unique to me

We are all different from each other

That makes us the same you see?

No, I will not allow you to bully

You don’t have my permission you see

I will not be your sporting obsession

You are not the bully for me!

Bully for me, bully for me.

You are not the bully for me.

The cloak of silence

Is the bully’s best friend

So speak out, everybody

It’s the cloak that’s specially tailored
For you and for me!

Giulio Bortolozzo