REBTOZ

According to my lap top thesaurus obnoxious means 'loathsome, hateful, insufferable and abhorrent' amongst many others. Students present with a range of developmental needs and it is teachers business to find out what those needs are and how best to address them. What do we do when we have concluded that a particular child is loathsome? What have we done when we have labelled a student so? If you are an educator or someone who works with children you may have had moments of utter frustration where you have declared to yourself or to others that so and so is a total ‘shit’ and is ruining what is otherwise the ‘perfect’ class. What do you do when you think this way? What do you do when you feel this way? How do you act when you think and feel like this? Your frustration may be fleeting as you talk to others and reflect on the situation and anger and frustration eventually gives way to concern as you again try to find another way to support this child. On the other hand yo...

Seamus is a competitive person who likes to win. He regards himself as an intelligent person who is ‘the best’ student in the class. He settles for nothing less than an ‘A’ in his work and has grand plans for his future education and career. He derides other student’s efforts and will declare to them that he is the ‘smartest in the class.’ He is known for the odd put down, telling others how ‘retarded’ they are. His peers tolerate his conceit and suffer his company in playground activities. He doesn’t appear to be aware that others may not be comfortable around him at times as he continues to declare his superiority over all others. The above is problematic for himself, his peers and the school community as Seamus has a severe anger management problem. He is moody at the best of times and becomes enraged too readily. Why? According to REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) he may have constructed a set of core beliefs (rules) that determine how he responds emotionally and beh...

Edwin had had an unsuccessful recess. He had been involved in an altercation with two others regarding a basketball game. The two other kids were playing one on one and had enough players. Edwin didn’t react too well when he was told he couldn’t join in. Albert on the other hand had approached the two basketballers earlier and asked the same question as Edwin. When told he couldn’t join in he watched the game a while and then moved on. When asked why he did what he did, Edwin protested that the two boys made him angry and it was their fault that he kicked the ball away because they didn’t let him join in. According to Dr. Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance Edwin believes that A, someone or something, makes him do and feel as he does. He is yet to understand the relationship B (what he believes) has with C (how he feels and behaves). According to Edwin’s view of the world he is not responsible for his feelings and actions (they made me angry) and feels justified ...

You have Serious Approval Dependence (SAD) and you know how you got it! By dint of your biological inheritance and how you were socialised you have constructed the very debilitating core belief that your worth depends on how others view you or how well you perform in your work, study, sex etc. If you have concocted this warped and destructive belief then you can deconstruct it and replace it with USA, Unconditional Self Acceptance. How do you do this? By self-awareness, vigilance and hard work, that’s how! 1. Know how you are feeling. 2. Understand that your feelings and behaviour are connected to your thinking. 3. Identify your habits of believing. 4. Decide whether or not your thinking is helpful, rational. 5. Challenge your beliefs with vigour. 6. Be forever vigilant. Activating event (A) You are a member of a parent group at your child’s school and you are generally happy to sit and listen at meetings. There are times when you have been inclined to say something about an...

Approval addict, empath, love slob, approvalist, co dependent, need junkie are terms that come to mind to describe those who suffer from conditional self-acceptance (CSA). Dr. Albert Ellis’ REBT explains that when an individual has a compulsive need to secure another’s approval it is self defeating. The antidote is unconditional self-acceptance (USA). USA - the belief that self worth is not diminished by failure or rejection i.e. I have failed= I am not a failure. I have been rejected = I am not a reject (I am always worthwhile). Roses are red Violets are blue I’d like you to like me But I don’t need you to! CSA- the belief that self worth is diminished by failure and rejection i.e. I have failed = I am a failure. I have been rejected = I am a reject (I’m worthwhile if you think I am). Roses are red Violets are blue Please like me As I need you to! Where do we start to help the person who needs to be needed, who absolutely must have the approval of significant others? ...

An approvalist is one who practices the philosophy of Approvalism. An approvalist lives life for the service of others seemingly without thought for self, ministering to the needs of others, making life ‘better’ for them. A good approvalist needs to do for others and her worth is measured according to how others view her and how helpful she can be to others. Approvalists say ‘yes’ to others demands and requests and are ultra sensitive to the needs of others (they must be rescued and saved). If they don’t perform to their own lofty expectations or (quelle catastrophe!) others don’t seem to value them (as they should) then they tend to harshly judge themselves as being ‘bad’ and may down themselves harshly! They will think, ‘I should have known that he needed support. I should have been there. I should have done better. I am a loser. It’s my fault he is in such a mess.’ They may also experience deep anger and direct it towards those ‘who do not appreciate me, after all shouldn’t they ...

Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis and I again had the opportunity to spread the ‘Gospel of St Albert ‘ to a group of enthusiastic folk. They hailed from as far afield as Karcultaby on the Eyre Peninsula and Canberra, the nations capital. It was a fine and sunny September day at the Education Development Centre in Hindmarsh and the day turned out to be a great success. The group comprised people from many walks of life - educators, counsellors, psychologists and other individuals interested in their own development and the well being of others. Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis told us about the life and times of her husband Dr. Albert Ellis. She brought along some DVD footage of Dr. Ellis doing his ‘stuff’ at various stages of his life. One particular scene of Dr Ellis hosting a group of enthusiastic students in the ER of a major New York hospital was testament to the REBT principle that ‘nothing is so awful that you can’t stand it!’ One appreciative and somewhat surprised student asks Dr. Ellis why did ...