REBTOZ

People will sometimes present with the ‘people treat me like a doormat’ syndrome. Doormats are used to wipe dirt from the soles of shoes. Not a very attractive analogy but this image of self, engenders strong feelings of anger and sadness in the sufferer. The client will talk of feeling angry towards the other (s), of extreme sadness because of feeling ‘not wanted.’ Why is this the case? What can she do? Talking to a trusted other is always a good start as she acknowledges that she doesn’t feel OK and wants to feel better but this is only the beginning of her journey of healing. As counsellor I am interested in her story her. What are the significant events in her life and what hurdles have been placed before her and how did she deal with those challenges? It will become evident as her story unfolds that she has developed some destructive, self-defeating personal philosophies (habits of believing) that she is not aware of at this point. My job is to help her become awar...

The Dalai Lama says to be kind wherever possible and that it’s always possible. He talks about ‘cultivating’ attitudes of kindness and to practise empathy and sincere concern for others. Then there’s ‘mindfulness’, practising awareness of our feelings and actions and our underlying attitudes. What are we doing? How are we feeling? How are we behaving? Kindness is catching! Albert Ellis talks about unconditional acceptance of others (UOA). This entails consciously and intentionally being aware of our prejudices and dislikes when considering others and not judging them totally on the basis of a disagreeable (to you) quality or characteristic. Random acts of kindness it is said is as good for the giver as it is for the receiver (givee?) because it engenders feelings of empathy and concern. It enables the release of endorphins which produce the ‘natural high’ we may experience. We can choose to act kindly towards others and the trick it seems is not to accept a...

The young student was sure he was a bad kid. ‘How do you know that?’ I asked. ‘I make my mum angry all the time’ he said. ‘Tell me about the last time you made her angry’ I enquired. ‘The other day when I wouldn't brush my teeth. I wanted to watch the TV longer and she got madder and madder. It’s my fault. She said I made her mad. My mum would be happier if I was a good kid.’ I'm a bad kid! This is typical of this student who believes he’s bad based on the evidence he has had before him. What evidence might that be? What sense (or non-sense) has he made from his experiences to date? What conclusions has he drawn about himself, others and the worlds (life)? Not very helpful or healthy ones it would appear! Constructivist theory would say that our young subject has constructed some unhelpful ‘habits of thinking and believing’ and he has concluded: He is bad because he does bad things (I don’t like me) He makes his mum mad (She doesn’t like me) Where do yo...

REBT Workshop - What is it? What does it do? Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) was developed in the 1950's. It is the original cognitive therapy which has many derivatives e.g. Choice Theory (Glasser) Cognitve Behaviour Therapy (Beck) Positve Psychology (Seligman). This 1 hour workshop looks at REBT, its philosophical underpinnings and the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance, the counselling model used by psychologists and counsellors the world over. ''The future of psychotherapy is in the school system.'' Albert Ellis, creator of REBT Para Hills School P-7 Graduate teachers will say that amongst their main concerns when beginning their career is how to establish and maintain an effective behaviour education program. What models are there to base their practise on? How is their philosophy of learning reflected in their practise? Do they use a punitive approach to behaviour education or an educative one?   Bugs Bunny is self accepting! ...

There’s two students in the yard (kids 1 and 2). They’re playing one on one basketball.  A game of one on one Another person (3) approaches and asks to join in. He’s told as it’s a one on one game so another player isn’t needed. He waits a while and moves on. Another child comes by (4) and asks the same question and the basketball players say it’s a one on one and another player is not required. This is said respectfully and assertively to the third person. The news is not received well. This student (4) goes into a rage and throws their basketball away which ultimately comes to the notice of the teacher on yard duty. Student 4 is asked to sit out and is talked to for his behaviour. Something happened in the lives of Kid 3 and Kid 4. They were both declined their request to join in the basketball game with 1 and 2. This is called the activating event, situation A. So A = they didn’t let me join in. Person 3 Felt OK about this. It (A) probably rated a 2 on the e...

'There's enough there for an entire conference!' the psychiatrist guest was heard to say to another on witnessing the behaviour of hapless Basil of Fawlty Towers fame (BBC TV UK). 'There's enough there for an entire conference.' This quote comes to mind whenever I experience behaviour that is beyond the generally agreed norm of what constitutes civility in the workplace. A persons general demeanour and actions can have a positive effect on others; encouraging, supportive and respectful or they can have an otherwise entirely negative effect on them! Basil's behaviour invoked feelings of frustration and anger from others (how can anyone be so inept) but it was counter balanced by other more 'reasonable' characters like Sybil and Polly who would challenge Basil who it seemed was incapable of any insight in to how his behaviour effected work colleagues! Poor Manuel would cop it mercilessly from Basil who always remained loyal and respectful o...

Learning an additional language to your own has many benefits; the insights you acquire of other cultures and the nuances of word meanings in that language are a couple. We say in my language things like 'I'd love a nice cup of tea' or to others we might say 'Would you like a nice cup of tea?' What do we mean by 'nice cup of tea?' My 'nice' may not be your 'nice' but we don't stop to think 'we'll see whether it's nice or not when I get it.' That phrase 'a nice cup of tea' has meanings beyond the literal. It's wrapped up in the tradition of tea drinking, the rituals surrounding the great Irish past time (in my case) of having a nice 'cuppa tae.' Taking tea or having tea' may mean taking a chance to rest a while and ponder or engage with other folk, to have a chat. In my mind the 'niceness' of having a cuppa is not entirely to do with how the tea meets my personal tastes but more to d...