A Broken Heart and REBT - the need for approval

A young student entered my office sobbing, inconsolable. Her buddy from another class who usually works with her, chose to work with someone else. This was a major disappointment, catastrophic even and as the tears subsided and she composed herself she began to tell me her story. As I listened I was again reminded of the danger of relying on another's acceptance and approval to affirm ones worth. 

I attempted to help Sofia put into perspective the 'badness' of the situation and talked about other issues or problems that could possibly have been worse. One example we discussed was how a broken leg might be worse than the situation outlined above. After a moments consideration Sofia said the following before she again burst into tears: 'A broken leg isn't as bad as a broken heart and she broke my heart!'

When Sofia said that 'She broke my heart' she is applying an A=C philosophy i.e. she didn't choose to do what I wanted her to do (work with her). She is saying that 'because she is not giving me what I must have it is so terrible and I can't stand it. This is just awful.' The depth of 'heartbreak' she will experience depends on how much she believes at B, that she needs this other persons attention/approval. This would suggest an A=C belief that 'I am only worthwhile if this significant other is my friend, gives me approval.' Therefore the significant other who sometimes helps her is not making her (Sofia) so sad or so heartbroken. It is Sofia herself! This would suggest that Sofia needs a lot of confidence work (Unconditional Self Acceptance) so that she will eventually believe at B, that whilst she would like (strongly desire) the approval of significant others she doesn't need it to be worthwhile i.e. an A+B=C philosophy.

As long as Sofia believes others determine how valuable she is (her worth) she is at risk. Hence her emotional fragility and tendency to break down when things don't go so well for her.

Albert Ellis, REBT and Rubbish Bins

I was doing my rounds at school the other day. A young student (7 years old) had a waste paper bin over his  head. This sounds a bit like the intro of a joke (I went to the doctor the other day...). Anyway I spoke to the student and he told me he did this because 'I'm rubbish and that's where I belong.' On other occasions he had said to me that he was bad/naughty.

This kind of talk would suggest to me (as a Rational Emotive Behaviour Educator) that the child has constructed a view of himself that is irrational and therefore self defeating. Somehow he has concluded that he has no worth ('I'm rubbish') which is reflected in his poor behaviour and in the tears he shed's when we talk about this. 

So how do we help this sad (depressed?) young person mend his breaking (broken?) spirit? 

Albert Ellis said 'the future of psychology and psychotherapy is in the school system' but 'the future' is yet to arrive it would seem. Educationalists and academics would do well to consider what is happening on its 'own doorstep' here in south Australia. 

Many schools are using Rational Emotive Behaviour Education to help students understand how their thinking, feeling and behaviour are linked. 

Rubbish is what has been discarded because it has no use (not worth anything) and our young student may have decided that he is of no use. Why has he arrived at this conclusion? If this is his reality where might it lead him?

This young person could do with a daily dose of USA teaching (Unconditional Self Acceptance) where he can be left in no doubt that his worth is not tethered to the views of others or how well or badly he may perform at a task. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is about doing this and there are many schools applying REBT principles in daily practise across all year levels.

Students of all ages can live happier and healthier lives if they understand how as constructivists their habits of believing are connected to how they feel and how they behave. Their lives may depend on it!

REBT in Schools - The ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance

Kids who present with anger, anxiety, depression have an A=C constructed view of the world, themselves and others e.g. I am angry (C) because you (A) made me angry. It was your fault I did what I did.

This view is underpinned by an irrational set of core beliefs of which there are many. The main ones are:

• I must get what I want
• You must give me what I want
• And life should be easy

These beliefs are learned, deeply (unconciously) embedded and students will not know this unless it is taught to them. That's where Rational Emotive Behaviour Education comes in.

Educators at Para Hills Primary teaching REBT through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education

We would like students to understand how their thinking, feeling and behaving are interconnected so that they can begin to learn how to manage themselves more effectively. I.e. we want them to understand that A+B=C which is Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance. This is a useful theory and is a constructivist model. Dig down a little into Seligmans Positive Psychology, Glassers' Choice Theory, Becks CBT etc and this model is front and centre.

Wouldn't it be helpful if the academics and leaders in education copped on and invested in this kind of teaching and learning in schools which at very little cost has significant potential for positive mental health outcomes for all students! Albert Ellis would have a strong preference for this to happen!

Children aren't the only A=C philosophers - we all do it!

On 'Being' Naughty - and what the academics are saying

Whyalla Educators on the ball!

It is helpful that academics highlight that schools in many instances are applying 'behaviour management' principles and processes which are aligned to a 'one size fits all' philosophy, a punishment model. This model contradicts the constructivist model of learning and teaching promoted via the Australian Curriculum. Educators are required to assess personal capabilities and competencies, design curriculum content that will develop students to achieve personal best outcomes and to assess and report accordingly. When it comes to behaviour however some schools (many?) expect all students to behave according to a set of rules that all 'must' abide by. This duality of philsosophic confusion sends mixed messages to all; do students learn better when learning and teaching considers 'where they are at' in terms of constructivist theory or when it is assumed that they are all at the same level of general capability? Do we manage behaviour (i think this is appropriate for some students) or do we educate them according to constructivist principles of learning? Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is the application of constructivist theory in daily practice which helps students gain insight into how they have constructed their own personal philosophies about themselves, others and the world and how these constructions are linked to how they respond emotionally and behaviourally to happenings in their day to day learning and living. Accordingly I agree with this article that kids are not and cannot 'be' naughty, however they can 'act' naughtily. They (we) 'are' not their (our) behaviours. The label of 'naughty' is a nonsense that we perpetuate through a system of behaviour learning/management based on an 'everyone is the same' principle. Talk to teachers in Whyalla who have been teaching Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy principles in daily teaching practice for more that 3 years now. Talk to Cathryn Herbert, principal of Hincks Avenue Primary School and Jan Burton principal of Whyalla Stuart Campus R/7 or Bryan Rotherham principal at Long Street Primary and they will tell you that global rating terms like naughty, bad, good, a shit etc are not used as teachers are trained in providing behaviour and not person specific feedback to students who may choose good/bad behaviours but are not good/bad people! These educators oversee the application of Rational Emotive Behaviour Education across all curriculum areas according to constructivist theory and based on Albert Ellis' Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. This is happening under the noses of academics who have not invested any time or interest in the great work of educators working in very demanding and challenging contexts in Whyalla. Or have I missed something?

http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia/school-naughty-corner-and-disciplinary-suspensions-in-schools-may-be-human-rights-abuses-say-south-australian-academics-dr-anna-sullivan-and-professor-bruce-johnson/story-fni6uo1m-1226983582813?nk=11be426a5805c8d17b1097358c5d1553

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY according to the 'gospel of St. Albert' - Whyalla workshop

Teachers, SSO's and counsellors in Whyalla continue to promote Albert Ellis' gospel of self efficacy and resilience through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. The original 'positive psychologist' Albert Ellis has invited educators since the early 1950's to introduce REBT into schools so that students can learn how to unlearn and relearn habits of believing that they have constructed over their lifetime. The ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance is a very useful teaching and counselling tool. and educators in Whyalla, South Australia are using it daily!

The War on Musturbation - Albert Ellis

The Whyalla REBE School Cluster comprise 5 schools: Hincks Avenue Primary, Whyalla Stuart Campus R7 Primary, Whyalla Stuart Kindergarten, Long Street Primary and Whyalla Stuart High school. Educators at these schools promote the work of Albert Ellis through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education; they are Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators. They continue to wage war on musturbatory beliefs that students have constructed over time so they can learn to think, act and feel in ways that will help themselves and others  pursue their goals in life: to be happy and successful. Albert Ellis is the original 'positive psychologist' and educators in Whyalla are on the ball!


From the REBT Network web page

Completed just after Albert Ellis' last public appearance, this documentary is about the life and opinions of psychotherapy's most important and influential voice. Directed by J.G.M. Davi, the film runs about 90 minutes. (Each preview clip is about 5 or 6 minutes.)

http://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/Albert_Ellis_documentary.html 

Courtesy of: www.rebtnetwork.org 

REBT and Early Childhood Mental Health Promotion

How can early childhood educators help young learners understand and apply Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy principles in daily practise? This is an oft asked question and some would say it can't be done. The truth is that early childhood learners are very amenable to this kind of learning. 

Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators - Whyalla Stuart Kindergarten

Early childhood educators in Whyalla, South Australia attended a workshop at Gabmadidi Manoo Children and Family Centre. The focus was on using popular children's stories to teach the think feel do connection. We looked at a favourite book character, Arthur: an ordinary brown dog. Could we help Arthur feel better even if he couldn't get what he wanted - to find a happy home away from the pet shop where it seemed he would stay for ever! Young learners would say that the only way he could feel better is if he could be removed from the pet shop. 'I'll go and get him' one and all will say. 

Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators - Whyalla Stuart Campus R-7

It is a universal truth that we cannot always change the situation 'A' (ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance) but we can examine, challenge and change our thinking at 'B.' How we feel and behave has a lot to do with how we think about situations. We learned at the workshop how we can illustrate through the experiences of characters like Arthur that we can manage our feelings and behaviour effectively. Young learners understand that even if Arthur was not chosen as a pet (he eventually was of course!) he could still feel better in a difficult situation. This is what Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators do in Whyalla, South Australia. They teach young people how they have constructed their 'thinking rules' and to challenge and change the unhelpful ones!