Ms Prudence Putty – Nose went to a counsellor because she was flying off the handle a bit when she didn’t get what she wanted and she lasted one session. The counsellor said that her sense of her own exceptionalism, that she was a better breed of person and that others should see this and act accordingly was the cause of her high anxiety and need of approval. Ms Putty Nose was affronted by this and could not see how she was responsible for how she felt and behaved and not the furniture, the weather, or the popularity of a teacher peer she despised and she decided that counselling wasn’t for her. She was even resentful of a teacher colleague who had cancer, as her condition was taking away precious attention from her. ‘I wish she didn’t get cancer. It’s not fair,’ she thought.
"Cancer envy" is a recognized, complex, and often
shame-inducing emotion where individuals may envy the attention, support, or
care others receive during a cancer diagnosis.”
She went back to her group of approval providers, who would
say what she wanted to hear, as it was they who told the truth. What would some
two-bit counsellor know? She was special and that was that!
In REBT terms she was/is what Albert Ellis calls ‘musturbating’
i.e., her behaviour and emotional outbursts are caused by the irrational views
or beliefs that she harbours, unconsciously and unknowingly and which she will
not come to know because she refutes any perspective that challenges her
specialness. Hence ‘no counselling for me!’
I must be liked and admired by others is the big one. People
should like someone as special as she, one who is above all others and woe and
betide those who don’t minister to her needs. She doesn’t just prefer others
like her; she demands that they absolutely should or must. That’s her live by
rule. And there are enough sycophants and ‘yes’ people around her to maintain
the illusion of her ‘specialness.’
Where did this come from? Some say she may have been adopted
and has a residual feeling of abandonment. She may believe her biological parents
left her and didn’t care about her. Her adoptive parents may have tried to compensate
for this and told her repeatedly how special she was as she was ‘chosen’ and
she was an exceptional person who was in their eyes the most important person
in the world. They conditioned her to believe this nonsense and put her at risk
of mental ill health into the future. She would experience extreme anxiety,
rage and depression because the world doesn’t always deliver what you believe you
must get! And Ms Putty-Nose was locked into this irrational world of illusion
and denial.
She would have learned to rely on the approval
of her new parents, and when it wasn’t forthcoming she would feel sad, anxious
and worthless because she needed their attention. She needed to be noticed, celebrated,
and continuously admired and feted.
There would be other reasons why one develops NPD, Narcissist
Personality Disorder, and the adopted child, reared by fair minded and
rational people will be less likely to develop this condition according to the
literature.
So, Ms Putty-Nose continues to inhabit a space, which is engineered to maintain her sense of specialness and which involves those who need to feed her need of approval, but when she steps outside that comfort zone look out!
She will rail against the world and how unfair it is. She will lie about and rumour away those she feels are against her. She will collect information about others to use against them. She will scour the social pages on the internet (hello 😊 there) to glean any snippet of detail that she and her enablers will use against the enemy; slut shaming is a slander of choice.
"Slut-shaming is the act of criticizing, bullying, or judging individuals—predominantly women—for violating traditional social expectations regarding sexual behavior, appearance, or perceived promiscuity."
She will use the schools CCTV cameras to spy on recalcitrant
others … and the list goes on. She remains vigilant, anxious, depressed, and
full of rage because it’s them and not her who makes her act and feel as she
does!
Sits in her chair in quiet repose
Reflecting on her great prowess
Inhales the sweet scent of success
I am the best
Better than the rest
I know I am
Am I?
Please tell me I am!
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