REBTOZ

The student continues to explore the idea that events don’t cause our extreme ill feelings but rather it is our interpretation or thinking about them that does. The belief we are worthwhile only when others do is an errant philosophical view and our student is beginning to realize that his unrealistic demand that others MUST like him to be likeable is doing him a disservice. In the counsellors office Counsellor:    You say that you feel anxious when you think you have ‘offended’ someone. Is that fair to say? Student:   Yes I want people to be happy. I hate it when they feel bad because of me. Counsellor:   It would appear that you believe you are responsible for how others feel. You say you ‘made him upset.’ Would that also mean that you believe others ‘make you upset?’ Student:   Yes. People can make me upset and I can upset others. Counsellor:    I want to talk about a ‘must’ rule that people make over time. It is a rule that is not a helpful o...

This 14 year old student has had a reasonable week. He has been aware of how his anxiety has ebbed and flowed in his interactions with others and is monitoring his self-talk. He is very careful about what he says and how he says it and is quick to help and encourage others with enthusiasm. Other students have commented that he is ‘overly helpful and encouraging’ at times and would prefer he ‘relax a bit.’ Counsellor : G’day. How’s it going? Student: I’m fine. I’ve been thinking about our last chat and I think it’s true that I worry too much about what others think. Counsellor: You’re not alone, and it’s useful that you have been thinking about your anxiety and what might be causing it. Last time we spoke we talked about ‘needing the approval of others.’ Do you recall? Student: Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I do want to be liked by others. Isn’t it OK to want be liked by everyone? Counsellor: Can you be liked by everyone? Do you think this is a reasonable expectation t...

This student feels anxious over something that has happened. He asked another student if he had a problem (are you Ok? Can I help?). This was misinterpreted (what do you mean I have a problem?) and he responded aggressively. The student was taken aback and then began to mull over the response he received. He asked a trusted teacher if the esteem in which he was held by other teachers was now diminished. The teacher said not in any way but the student remained preoccupied and went to see the counsellor outlining what had happened and how best to deal with the situation. In the counsellors office Student: I am concerned about how a student responded to me. I am caring and I didn’t intend to offend him when I asked him how he felt and if I could help. I am worried that he thinks I intended to offend him. I want to be a nurse one day; everyone knows I like to help. Counsellor: So you asked him if he had a problem and he didn’t appreciate the questions. He felt annoyed. Is tha...

‘Musturbation’ is a term coined by Dr Albert Ellis to describe absolutist, black and white thinking/believing. Musturbatory thinking according to Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy theory is the kind of thinking that gives rise to extreme frustration anger and depression. This kind of thinking drives the unhealthy choices we are teaching our students about. The following habits of thinking are musturbatory: • I absolutely must get what I want (or not get what I don’t want) • Significant others must treat me well and do my bidding • Life should be easy If these absolutist demands are not being met then: • Life is so awful and I can’t stand it! It sucks! • People who behave shitily are shits! • When I behave shitily I am a shit! Musturbators will blame others and events for how they feel e.g. I only got an A- (perfectionistic leanings – I must be perfect), maths makes me angry (life must be easy), she didn’t let me join and she’s/life’s a shit (people/life must treat me ...

Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) is a habit of thinking that the resilient person has constructed over a lifetime. It is deeply held and is reflected in the behaviour and demeanor of the individual. You will observe the self-accepting person try new things readily, not being overly concerned about the prospect of failure, as she knows failing doesn’t equate with ‘being’ a failure. You will notice a self accepting person experience rejection philosophically, again understanding rejection or disapproval of others doesn’t render her a ‘reject’. USA affords the individual a degree of ‘psychological immunity’ to adversity. We all experience rejection, failure and challenges and it is the resilient person who is better placed to deal with these in a healthy way. Dr. Albert Ellis , creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, encourages us to help our younger people to develop the capacity to ride the hard knocks successfully, to work through problems, to hang tough and believe that thin...

The universe doesn’t care about you, it’s not for or against you, it just doesn’t give a shit. Albert Ellis There are many quotes that Albert Ellis left us to ponder and this one’s a cracker! You can imagine him talking to the regular Friday night crowd at the (now fake) Albert Ellis Institute. He would demonstrate his ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance to help volunteer clients gain insight into what was causing their emotional and behavioural disturbances. He would listen carefully to his client protest about how unfair this or that was and that if only life wasn’t so hard he could be happy. He would ‘cherchez le should’ listening intently for the tell-tale signs suggesting that his client believed the world owed him easy passage through life. Dr Ellis would challenge the belief that this or that shouldn’t have happened and that life was so unfair! ‘It happened therefore it should have happened. Yes it was unfortunate but not so awful that you can’t stand it! You can’t change wh...

This soon to be published research paper by Dr. Ken Rigby and Giulio Bortolozzo explores the attitudes of 212 middle school students towards themselves and others. As hypothesised, acceptance of self was significantly correlated with low levels of victimization and acceptance of others with low levels of bullying. The intention of this post is to explore the implications of these findings for schools and teaching practice and suggest strategies (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) to address bullying in our schools. But before that, a cautionary note! A study by Dr Ken Rigby (Uni SA) and Peter Smith (Goldsmith College, London) reveal that 75 per cent of reports obtained from 27 countries (between 1990 and 2009) indicate a significant drop in student reported bullying and only 11 per cent reported an increase in occasional bullying. In a recent article ( Bullying going down, not up , Adelaide Advertiser, June 10th) Rigby reminds us that whilst the public perception may be that b...