‘Nothing’s good or bad but thinking makes it so’ says Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Alfred Korzybski said the ‘word is not the thing.’ If a child is not good or bad intrinsically but somehow determines they can be they’re not thinking straight according to Dr. Albert Ellis and others. Doing something well does not somehow suggest that it reflects how ‘good’ we are, that we are ‘good’ for doing good. Isn’t it more accurate to believe that ‘I did Ok’ but that has nothing to do with my OK ness? Believing we’re OK when we do well or others deem us to ‘be’ OK is what Ellis calls self – esteem, where he argues, we feel good when we do good or when others approve of us. He calls this conditional self-acceptance, where self-worth is determined externally; an externally controlled and determined sense of the self, good or bad.
Unconditional self-acceptance regards the ‘self’ consistently as one of worth even if one does good or bad or when others approve of us or disapprove of us. We accept ourselves unconditionally. Ellis would argue that this is a more substantial and evidence based self-assessment than relying on others to boost our ‘self-esteem.’
Alfred Korzybski said that when we assess our value based on an abstracted strength or failing and decide it defines us, we’re thinking ‘unscientifically,’ our self-assessment is not informed by the evidence i.e., we are allowing a particular aspect of ‘us’ and deciding it describes us in a global sense which doesn’t consider all the traits, qualities etc. that we possess. In other words, it doesn’t make sense, it is, as Korzybski says, crazy making thinking!
How so? If we conclude that we ‘are’ our smartness when we do something well, and it makes us a smart person how can this make us crazy?
I worked with a young person who presented with extreme anxiety and self-doubt as they had learned that because others assessed their capabilities in an area of learning as exceptional, they believed they had a reputation to live up to. They were obsessed with ‘what if’ thinking, what if I don’t get a good mark, what if I fail, what will people think of me if I don’t get a good mark etc. They began to withdraw, not take risks because if they didn’t live up to the expectations of significant others, it would mean that they ‘are’ failures. This is what Korzybski and Ellis calls crazy thinking induced, extreme psychological discomfort. This person has decided, errantly, that they need the approval and ‘esteem’ of others to be an OK person.
‘I’m worthwhile crocodile’ thinking teaches the young child that they are OK even when they don’t do so well at a task or when others inevitably disapprove of them. Their approval of themselves holds sway over the assessments of others. This kind of mindset will take on board the evidence, decide that ‘the word is not the person’ and carry on. They may take on board constructive criticism and advice, but their sense of worth remains strong, they accept themselves unconditionally!
The Have a Go Spaghettio! Success Helper approach to Social Emotional Learning is informed by Dr. Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and Alfred Korzybski's General Semantics Theory amongst others.
Dr. Ellis created Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) and said the future of psychotherapy in the school system.
The Have a Go Spaghettio! chart represents the competencies and capabilities that help us achieve our goals, develop confidence and respect for self and others.
The goal is to introduce the early childhood learner to their thinking nature and to help them underrated that thinking, feeling and behaving are linked to each other. For instance the Red Success Helper, 'I'm worthwhile crocodile!' represents REBT's unconditional self acceptance, the idea that a persons worth is not tethered to how others view them i.e., that they are not what others might deem them to be e.g., dumb, smart etc.
Self approval is important and
learning to need the approval of others is an unhealthy philosophical
perspective because it can give rise to severe psychological upset e.g.,
anxiety.
So Have a Go Spaghettio!
This is a short video about a an approach to teaching the fundamental principles of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy to young learners in early childhood. It's tried and tested and many early childhood teachers say it is well received by students. Teachers relate that students pick up the language readily and enjoy the songs that reinforce key concepts.
Albert Ellis, the creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy said:
"l read your presentation on 'Have a Go Spaghettio!' a resilience building program for young learners. It seems to hit the spot and be excellent for your young audience."
Give it a go (Spaghettio!) and let me know how you goeeoh!
Ms Prudence Putty Nose wanted to impress her colleagues and her line managers, to demonstrate her dedication to her job and to illustrate just how much of a hit she was taking for the good cause.
She pondered a while and considered how she might best get the attention of the esteemers and sycophants, her narcissistic suppliers, to keep her fragile ego buoyant.
She had been under a fair bit of pressure as she'd been planning the demise of a colleague whose position she coveted and as her line manager also wanted him gone, they concocted a plan to get rid of him. Deceit and unethical collusion with co conspirators was a debilitating and tiring endeavour but it could be used to her advantage. So what did she do?
She gathered her close and trusted sycophant others to her office and declared she had been feeling dizzy and needed to lie down. She suggested she may need an ambulance as she had been under a fair deal of pressure. They pandered to her of course and diligently phoned for an ambulance. There was much ado about the traumatised patient as her buddies milled around her ministering to her poor ailing self.
Initial concern gave way to scepticism and doubt as to why this all came about. Was she really sick? Was it a ruse to attract attention?
Maybe she was under the weather but a few close to the situation suggested it was all an attention seeking exercise. She bounced back rather quickly and after the ambulance left and she had been treated she perked up and felt much better. This was all part of the expensive ruse to demonstrate her special person status, that she was a cut above the rest and people should know this. Narcissistic supply at the taxpayers expense!
Her line manager responded as planned and a few brownie points were accrued and noted. Yes, she was in the good books so to speak as she played protégé to her line manager mentor. Together they would concoct a plan to get rid of the thorn in their side, their nemesis, the bloke they didn't like.
Ms Putty-Nose of course is a composite of characters one meets along the way, people who you negotiate as you trundle on trying to get a job done, to support children and their families.
Ms Putty Nose was not without peer like Dodgy Dan Doodle, another FIGJAM contender and of course there was good old Roger Bent who would present with all manner of physical contortions and mental gymnastics to please and appease those whose approval he needed. Knots and contortions, tangles and tears. Get me to the physio!
Ms. Putty Nose would spend a lot of time feeding and nurturing her narcissistic suppliers and all hell would break loose if, quelle surprise!, they rescinded their goodwill or forgot their daily salutations at the altar of Priestess Putty Nose. Tears might be the order of the day or an hour or two of in office sulks. Look at moi!!
She would buy them gifts on the schools dime, and they would be strategically placed around the place to signal to those on the outer that only those who played the FIGJAM game would qualify for preferential treatment.
The job though is not what's important, it's whether or not one is on side or not. Those who are independent and don't need the needy amongst us better be vigilant, as Ms Prudence Putty Nose types are out there ready to undermine and vilify them to get what they want.
Ms Putty Nose, Dodgy Dan Doodle, Roger Bent and others of their ilk are dedicated types and committed to their own health, wealth and happiness. The hangers on and wary others who sit at the periphery ponder what to do in a system that encourages and enables the Putty Noses of the teaching and learning world to dance their merry dance!
I need an ambulance, those nasties aren't paying me enough attention!!!
These are fictitious characters and any resemblance to people living or dead (or seem that way or who smell a bit off) is absolutely and utterly coincidental.
Children may feel frustrated, upset, or disappointed when they perceive that they are being treated unfairly, whether in games, at home, or ...
