REBTOZ

Teachers beginning their careers will be challenged in their practise when situations present that require strength and resilience. One of a couple of things I will offer when asked is not to allow the fear of the disapproval of students thwart their resolve to establish their authority as classroom leader. Why doesn't she like me? He doesn't seem to respond to my manner/style of teaching etc. Whilst these might prompt opportunities for reflection and review they don't need to become major 'crises of confidence.' Unless this is allowed to happen of course. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said:  What we believe about ourselves is reflected in our behaviour and in how we feel when presented with difficult situations. Unconditional self acceptance is a kind of psychological buttress against the negative views and opinions that others may have of us. So suggestion number one for new educators: take ideas, opinions, advice on board but don't let them define yo...

I believe that our emotional and behavioural dysfunction is linked to the philosophies we have constructed over time and which we practise and reinforce unconsciously. Albert Ellis and others assert that our anger, anxiety and other emotional ills are constructed ergo they can be deconstructed. “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius   Marcus Aurelius Why does Sharon feel so sad and aggrieved? Where does her own personal beliefs come from? This fictitious account of Sharon's early learning might shed some light on this. Little Sharon was taught that she should always use her manners and that others should too. If she waved to someone who waved at her ‘that was good’, she was a ‘good girl’ to do this. Her parents said ‘good girl.’ Her parents would say how rude it was when others didn’t show the same standard of manners ...

Children are constructing their own views on things (philosophies) making meaning from what they see and hear in their interactions with others and the world. The conclusions they draw may be helpful or unhelpful (rational or irrational) – their ‘thinking rules.’ (unconscious/unaware) Behaviour management is not individualised – what philosophies do those children hold (constructed)? Do they know them? How do they effect emotional and behavioural responses to situations? What can they learn/relearn that will help them? One size fits all – assumes that: Children know how to behave They have all been exposed the same learning/experiences They therefore should know how to behave If they don’t behave appropriately they should be punished (because they should Know better) – This will not be the articulated position of the teacher/parent/other (they too may be unaware of their own constructed philosophies!) This is a short term fix at best but it will: Not m...

The student continues to explore the idea that events don’t cause our extreme ill feelings but rather it is our interpretation or thinking about them that does. The belief we are worthwhile only when others do is an errant philosophical view and our student is beginning to realise that his unrealistic demand that others MUST like him to be likeable is doing him a disservice. In the counselling office in a school in South Australia Counsellor:    You say that you feel anxious when you think you have ‘offended’ someone. Is that fair to say? Student:   Yes I want people to be happy. I hate it when they feel bad because of me. Counsellor:   It would appear that you believe you are responsible for how others feel. You say you ‘made him upset.’ Would that also mean that you believe others ‘make you upset?’ Student:   Yes. People can make me upset and I can upset others. Counsellor:    I want to talk about a ‘must’ rule that people m...

This 14 year old student has had a reasonable week. He has been aware of how his anxiety has ebbed and flowed in his interactions with others and is monitoring his self-talk. He is very careful about what he says and how he says it and is quick to help and encourage others with enthusiasm. Other students have commented that he is ‘overly helpful and encouraging’ at times and would prefer he ‘relax a bit.’ Counsellor : G’day. How’s it going? Student : I’m fine. I’ve been thinking about our last chat and I think it’s true that I worry too much about what others think. Counsellor: You’re not alone, and it’s useful that you have been thinking about your anxiety and what might be causing it. Last time we spoke we talked about ‘needing the approval of others.’ Do you recall? Student: Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I do want to be liked by others. Isn’t it OK to want be liked by everyone? Counsellor : Can you be liked by everyone? Do you think this is a ...

This is a transcript of a series of 3 counselling sessions I had with a year 10 student. I used Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance to help him. I am a Rational Emotive Behaviour Counsellor. This student feels anxious over something that has happened. He asked another student if he had a problem (are you OK? Can I help?). This was misinterpreted (what do you mean I have a problem?) and he responded aggressively. The student was taken aback and then began to mull over the response he received. He asked a trusted teacher if the esteem in which other teachers held him was now diminished. The teacher said not in any way but the student remained preoccupied and went to see the counsellor outlining what had happened and how best to deal with the situation. In the counsellors office Student: I am concerned about how a student responded to me. I am caring and I didn’t intend to offend him when I asked him how he felt and if I could help. I am worried that he t...

Shit and fans have been part of our vernacular for as long as I can remember. Pear and shaped ditto. These words together help describe colloquially situations that are unwelcome. Pain and arse also come to mind! What to do when the proverbial hits the wotsit ? The amount of the proverbial and size of the fan is significant; how big is the problem? The amount and size is relative to how we may perceive the situation or how we 'estimate' the severity of it! As  Marcus Aurelius said:  “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”  Is the problem of catastrophic proportions, pretty big or just a pain? Young children find it useful to learn about the catastrophe scale. This scale helps them see how problems can be arranged in terms of how big/significant they are to the young person. They learn to ask themselves 'is it as bad as..?' If not then...