REBT and Aspergers

The English lingo is replete with idioms that would pose a problem or two to a student with Aspergers Syndrome. Certain turns of phrase would be as clear as muddy water! She would remain none the wiser if you were to ask her to ‘pull your socks up’ or ‘pull your finger out'or 'take a chair!’ Are you with me? She’d be flat out trying to cop on to the message.  How difficult would it be to get a handle on the meaning of a message if it can only be taken literally.

Consider the expressions ‘to get a handle on something’ and ‘turns of phrase’ mentioned above. Somehow we internalise these expressions, which make particular meanings and we draw them out of our linguistic hat and use them in the right place at the right time in the right context (We hope!). But what of the student who has Aspergers Syndrome?  What assumptions can we make about her capacity to understand these culturally specific idioms?

I was once asked to observe a student in the classroom setting as the teacher had some concerns about the child’s behaviour. I asked the student on one occasion ‘is that your paper under the desk there? To which he replied ‘yes it is’ and continued to carry on doing what he was doing. Implied in my words and tone was ‘there’s paper under your desk. I assume it’s yours and will you pick it up?’ I expected that the student would understand this, as most other students would do in my experience. I remember I found this interesting and repeated what I asked before. The result was exactly the same and then it dawned on me (‘to dawn on someone’ – another one!) that this person might be exhibiting characteristics of Aspergers Syndrome.   He understood the literal meaning of what I had said and responded accordingly but had missed the other more subtle meanings conveyed by tone and body language. How much more trouble would this student have dealing with idiomatic terms such as those mentioned above?

As it turned out he was diagnosed eventually as having Aspergers Syndrome.

What can happen if we assume a student ‘should’ know what was being asked of him? He would be reprimanded possibly labeled a naughty so and so who ‘should’ show more respect to his elders! The student would be wondering what’s going on. ‘You asked me if that was my paper under my desk and I answered you. Why am I in trouble?’ And it would escalate from there as mutual misunderstanding prevailed. 

As Karen Horney once said

‘Try to eliminate the word ‘SHOULD’ from your vocabulary … but try doing so though without replacing ‘SHOULD’ with OUGHT or YOU”D better.”

Karen Horney

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education reminds us that when we operate from a ‘shouldist’ perspective we don’t make helpful judgements and we don’t feel our optimum best.  Our ‘behaviour management’ approach to addressing student behaviour is based on such a perspective. All students are the same and they should all know better. Right?

Not true. Someone once said, ‘treating everyone the same is not equality.’

However we continue to persist with this system of warnings, detention, suspension and exclusion. Why is this approach unhelpful to our Aspergers student? What ‘musts’ ‘oughts’ and ‘shoulds’ underpin this one size fits all approach to behaviour (mis)education?

Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators will:

·  Not assume that all students absolutely should behave as the teacher believes they must.

·  Remain calm as they will not demand that they should get something that they know they won’t get (in the short term).

·  Teach students how their thinking feeling and behaviour are linked together.

·  Negotiate learning goals with students to help them develop their competencies.

·  Regard behaviour education as part of the curriculum and not exclusive of it.

Specific to the Asperger child the Rational Emotive Behaviour Educator will:

·  Understand that she will take things literally so teaching about idiom would help or choosing not to use it is an option in some situations.

·  Be explicit, ‘please pick up that paper under your desk?’ rather than ‘is that your paper under the desk?’

·   Help her challenge inflexible ‘must’ expectations e.g. ‘People must always behave as I believe they must’ or ‘things always must be the way I want them to be’ (social stories, change classroom furniture, change the timetable) by exposing the student to subtle and explained changes.

·  Teach her to put the ‘badness’ of situations in perspective, to decatastrophise so she accepts that when she doesn’t get what she believes she must have, she can handle it.

·  Teach her to prefer rather than demand that others/the world should always give her what she wants.

Foreshore, Whyalla, South Australia

Positive Psychology in Schools and The Australian Curriculum Stuart High School, Whyalla South Australia

The REBE (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) brand of psychology says that to negotiate the road ahead requires competencies that will help students build resilience. The Australian Curriculum outlines seven general competencies that are promoted in schools. Personal and Social Competence is promoted through the whole school application of Rational Emotive Behaviour Education.

REBE is a psychotherapy-based system of behaviour education based on the ABC Theory of Emotional (and behavioural) Disturbance. It teaches that the events in our lives PLUS our constructed beliefs (personal philosophies about self, others and life) drive our behavioural and emotional responses to situations (A+B=C). It is not the event itself alone that causes emotional and behavioural disturbance. (A=C).

This is not a ‘think positive and everything will be OK’ approach, it is not the vacuous ‘there, there all will be OK’ mantra of the ‘warm fuzzy’ movement of the 80’s and 90’s.

Each day students whither in the face of challenge and discomfort, withdrawing from activities they don't like or find 'boring.' 'I don't want to do sport because it's boring' or 'maths is boring and makes me mad.' Each time a student withdraws from challenges her ability to bounce back in adversity diminishes. They construct the view that 'in life I shouldn't have to do things that are hard and boring and it's not fair when things don't go my way as they must do and I just can't stand it.' This is the motto of the helpless, those who have not been held to account when the going got tough. And the result? Young people are not ready for the real world where they will be held to account and their livelihood will depend on it. Will they then default to the care of their families, the government to look after them in a world that is 'unfair and boring' and which makes them so 'angry/anxious/depressed?'

REBE challenges students to consider if their anger/boredom/anxiety/depression is indeed ‘made’ by other people and events. It explains what constructivism is and how our constructed beliefs drive how we feel and behave. If a student believes that a challenge is not a catastrophe and she can stand discomfort she is more likely to hang in there when the going gets tough. If she believes on the other hand that she ‘shouldn’t be inconvenienced by difficulty and that she can’t stand tough situations' she is more likely to give up and feel angry.

REBE teaches students how to take control of their emotions and behaviours so that they continue to work towards their goals in life. It teaches them that life is not a cakewalk and that things won’t always go their way but to hang tough when the going gets tough.

The staff at Stuart High School in Whyalla, South Australia teach REBE across all curriculum areas and the benefits are many:

•        Improved attendance
•        Improved mental health outcomes
•        Students more engaged in learning
•        More confident, prepared to take risks

The Albert Ellis Professional Learning Centre was established this year to support other schools and teachers learn about REBE. It is the Centre’s aim to promote positive psychology in schools through the Rational Emotive Behaviour Education Curriculum. It consistently challenges the belief that the world is unfair, that it 'makes' us angry and sad and that we can't handle tough situations.

As Dr Albert Ellis once said: 'The universe doesn’t care about you, it’s not for or against you, it just doesn’t give a shit.

More information:

https://www.facebook.com/TheAlbertEllisProfessionalLearningCentre
Twitter: (@REBTOZ)

Albert Ellis: A Guide to Rational Living - Thinking Allowed DVD w/ Jeffr...

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is based on Ellis' Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. Here he explains the link between thinking, feeling and behaving. His ABC Theory of Emotional (and behavioural) Disturbance helps teachers to help students understand how they have constructed the beliefs that drive their dysfunctional feelings and behaviours. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is all about challenging those unhelpful core beliefs and replacing them with healthy, rational habits of thinking. Educators at Stuart High School in Whyalla South Australia are implmenting REBE across all curriculum areas effectively.

It's Just Not Fair!

Schools in Australia have a Sun Safe No Hat No Play Policy. This protects the long-term health of children in light of what we know about over exposure to the sun and skin damage. It’s a reasonable preventative health measure.

A young child (6 years old) recently in a school playground was crying, hatless in a shaded area looking on as her ‘hat ready’ peers played on the playground equipment having the greatest time ever!

I asked her what had happened (A=Activating event) and she replied

‘I can’t play on the playground with my friend because I have no hat!’ So I reflected back to her what she said (as counsellors do).

‘You have forgotten your hat and you can’t play with your friends. Is that right?’

‘Yes.’ She said through a veil of tears. ‘How do you feel about this?’ I asked (Emotional Consequence of A=C).

‘I feel very sad because I can’t play with my friends on the equipment. The teacher said I have to stay in the shade. She is mean. She makes me mad!’

Again I reflected back to her thusly ‘you feel sad because you have no hat and you can’t play with your friends on the equipment and you feel mad too because the teacher says you have to stay in the shade. You say she is mean. Is that right?’

‘That’s right she makes me mad and it’s not fair that I can’t play with my friends.’

‘Ok you feel mad and sad because you can’t play with your friends and the teacher is mean because she won’t let you play in the sun and it’s not fair.’

Our little friend believes that the event (A) ‘I have to stay in the shade’ is making her act and feel as she does (C). Someone or something is making her mad and thus in her mind A=C i.e. She does not accept any responsibility for her behaviour and feelings. Nonetheless she is about to learn some useful ideas about the way life works because the teacher on duty (me) is about to pounce and give her an REBE (Rational Emotive Behaviour Education) booster!

I say:

‘If you think it is really bad and it’s the worst thing that can ever, ever happen then you will feel mad and angry. This is Brain Bully thinking, Brain Bully (BB) is trying to trick you. Tell BB that if you h ad  a very sore throat or you can’t find your favourite teddy or your dog is sick and has to go to the vet are much worse than having to play in the shade because you have no hat.’

She says:

‘Brain Bully is making me sad and mad. Get lost BB.”

I say:

‘Well done. Now you think, ‘this is bad but not the worst thing that can happen to me.’ Now you are using helpful thinking. Brain Friend (BF) thinking helps you to feel better. Do you feel better?’

Now this process may seem long and drawn out but it can be shortened somewhat by saying in the first instance (assuming the school teaches REBE across the curriculum) the following:

‘Nobody makes you mad. You make you mad when you use BB thinking. This is not the worst thing that can happen (‘do you need an ambulance?). There are bigger problems than this. Tell your self this is a pain but you can stand it.’

It is useful for our young learner to be reminded that:

•  Things are very bad if you think they are.
• You feel bad when you use BB thinking.
• Challenge BB with BF (‘this is not the worst thing that can happen’) and change how strong you feel (annoyed but not angry) about things.
• How you think about things makes feelings and actions not just what happens to you (the event).

If this is reinforced in all interactions between teachers and students at school children will generally feel healthily annoyed, concerned and sad about things rather than anxious, angry and depressed. That’s what REBE is all about. Try it and see!

Give It a Try Banana Pie!

How do you help young children develop and sustain healthy habits of thinking? By having fun of course! Learning is a serious business and it’s important to have some serious fun on our learning journey.

Children learn our behaviour, interpret the messages they receive, and process information accordingly. They construct their own set of rules, belief system that will guide them in the choices they make. These can be by and large helpful or unhelpful, rational or irrational.

Give it at try banana pie! There’s more to this than meets the eye!

We want our children to develop the capacity to take on tasks with a view to do their best and to hang in there when the going gets tough. This is the ‘if it’s to be it’s up to me’ idea that helps the individual to complete tasks and build on self-confidence. Here are some ideas for teachers and parents/carers to use.

When children are working say:

‘You are giving it a try banana pie! (thumbs up gesture)

When the task is complete say:

‘You gave it a try banana pie!' accompanied by a thumbs up gesture and a highly animated facial expression (more exaggerated the better!)

When talking to a group before starting a task say:

‘What are we going to do?’ Response: ‘Give it a try banana pie! 

When you are doing something separate from the group say out loud:

‘I can’t do it this. It is too hard!’ and the children will say ‘Give it a try banana pie! ‘Thanks kids you helped me to keep going!’ you reply.

At the end of the day say to the children, ‘we did lots of stuff today and even when things didn’t go our way what did we do?’ And you will hear them say in unison:

‘We gave it a try banana pie!’

And what will we do tomorrow? Guess what they say?

The above is teaching the children some valuable ideas and competencies in a seriously fun way such as:

       ‘If it’s to be its up to me’ – internal locus of control.
         Hard work pays off in the end.
       ‘Giving up stops me doing things.’

The more things I do and finish the more I believe I can achieve my goals.’ (Confidence

‘I can fail but I’m not a failure.

Everyone can do different things and they have unique qualities.’

‘We are all good a lots of different things.’

Give It a Try Banana Pie!

Some things are easy

Some things are hard

But I will always try!

When things get tough

I will say

‘Give it a try banana pie!’

The ideas outlined in this blog are contained in the Early Childhood program 'Have a Go Spaghettio!' a resilience building program based on Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. Max and Sam always 'Give it a try banana pie!"

Self-Acceptance or Self Esteem? In memory of Dr Albert Ellis

Inevitably failure and rejection are part and parcel of our experience. It is very energy sapping to protect our children from every vagary of human existence. Such vigilance also denies our children the opportunity to deal with disappointment and build their own resilience to tough situations. Children need our support and guidance but they also have to learn to stand on their own two feet and protecting them from the reality of rejection and failure does them no favours. "We have to give them self- esteem so that they feel good about themselves,' so has been the wisdom of the recent educational past. What is self esteem and how can you give it to someone? Albert Ellis who passed away five years ago this week said:

'Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional.' 

He was on to something here, people learning to esteem themselves according to how others viewed them or how well they did at tasks was the order of the day. "I'm good because so and so said I am or I am clever because my teacher said I was. Aren't I good girl?" No you're not! Your self esteem will evaporate quickly until the next time someone else tells you how good you are! You grow to need the approval of others and the fix of getting an A grade in your assignments but this doesn't make you good, clever or any other label you want to put on your sorry self! 

No one can give you the worth you've always had and therefore no one can take it away and it is understanding this that gives you resilience. Dr Ellis calls this Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) meaning 'I'm worthwhile EVEN if you don't think so and EVEN if I get an E in my English assignment.' So you can keep your 'warm fuzzies' to yourself!

Student A in High School A in Australia has four younger siblings and a mother who is dependent on her. Her father left many years ago. She is 14 years old and after she helps dress and feed her family she gets herself off to school everyday. She has dreams and aspirations and daily she 'steps up to the plate' ready for the next 'curve ball' that life will inevitably pitch her way. Will she be called home to help her mentally ill mother or will the local primary school ask her to come and help her younger sister because she 'misses' her so much? This is not a 'once upon a fairytale' situation, this is daily reality for this student. What benefit that she continue to seek the approval of others so that she can 'esteem herself' as a worthwhile person? None whatsoever! What can her school do about it?

Albert Ellis said that people who unconditionally accept themselves are less likely to suffer the ravages of extreme depression, anger and anxiety because they don't take what others think of them or how they perform at tasks TOO seriously. Why? Because what they think about themselves is more important than how others view them. 'Think as you will but don't expect me to agree with you' is another way to put it. This idea is embedded in the principles and practice of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy created by Albert Ellis in the 1950's and which is a core component of the new 'Positive Psychology' that has been touted in recent years. Albert Ellis was the original Positive Psychologist.

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is the application of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy in teaching practice across all curriculum areas. A school that teaches students daily that their worth is not at question when they fail at a task or find that others reject them and that they are always worthwhile will be protected against Serious Approval Dependence (SAD). This (USA) is the antidote to 'self esteem sickness' and REBE delivers this to very child day in and day out. 

Albert Ellis said:

'I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system. We need to teach every child how to rarely seriously disturb himself or herself and how to overcome disturbance when it occurs.'

To student A above, though your life is tough and it is difficult to get to school every day and because you may feel so desperate at times is not reason to avoid your studies and to give in. Hang in there and remember you are always worthwhile no matter what! This is the REBE philosophy.

In memory of Dr Albert Ellis creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy who passed away on July 24th 2007 Vale

The Albert Ellis Professional Learning Centre was opened in April this year in honour of the work and legacy Dr Albert Ellis. This news item was produced by Southern Cross Regional TV in South Australia. 

Contradictory Practices in Schools – Education or Punishment?

The purpose of his post is to compare and contrast the contradictory philosophies, which underpin the practices and processes used in schools to address student behaviour.

Traditionally we have had a one-size fits all approach where student behaviour is managed and controlled by the adult characterized by language like ‘warnings, steps, detention, suspension and exclusion.’  Using our authority to punish might get students to comply and fear us but it doesn’t help them to gain insight into why they respond as they do emotionally and behaviourally to daily challenges in life. This approach contradicts constructivist theory on which all teachers’ work is based. Why do we base our teaching on constructivist theory for the subjects we teach and then use a system of behaviour management that ignores the developmental needs of the child? Why are we using two models for learning at the same time in the same context, one inclusive an the other not?

Enter Rational Emotive Behaviour Education (REBE) a system based on counselling theory and practice, Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. REBE has been discussed in previous blog posts and it is offered as a way of educating students about their individually constructed philosophies which determine how they will respond behaviourally and emotionally to daily situations, especially the challenging ones.

REBE teaches explicitly essential resilience building competencies like Unconditional Self/Other and Life Acceptance across the school curriculum and in every student – teacher interaction. Based on constructivist theory REBE helps students to deconstruct unhealthy habits of believing and to construct healthy habits of believing.

In my experience as educator one thing is abundantly clear and that is students present with a diverse range of dispositions, personalities, learning styles and the list go on.  Despite this we have persisted and continue to persist in applying a system of ‘behaviour management,’ which assumes all children are the same and this has failed our young people significantly.

How so you may ask? A child with low frustration tolerance for instance may struggle to stay on task especially when it is a challenging one.  She may be prompted to get back on the job with a firm reminder and again stalls as her frustration level rises. Is she displaying non-compliance? Is she lazy? Or has she low frustration tolerance for tasks that require perseverance and continued focus? We can give her person specific labels like ‘she’s lazy’ or ‘she’s naughty’, which are inaccurate and harmful. Why? Because we are rating the students personal worth, not their behaviour.

REBE will support the child understand how her constructed beliefs gives rise to her extreme frustration. Does she think that life should be easy and that it isn’t fair that she doesn’t get what she wants? Is she a victim of learned helplessness where she believes she can’t do ‘tough stuff?’ Does she have low self worth, which stops her from taking risks in her learning because ‘I’m dumb anyway?’  REBE is about helping students unpack these harmful beliefs and to build new healthier ones.  REBE provides preventative mental health education systematically across all curriculum areas.
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