That's Silly

Young children have a great sense of the ridiculous and hence have fun with rhymes and expressions that are nonsensical and whacky. Appealing to their seemingly innate sense of the quirky helps to get across useful ideas and strategies that can help them in life.

Having fun is important for you as well as your students and delving into the ridiculous is an end in itself I find! As an educator and counsellor working in the early childhood sector I have been known to dabble in the daft, query the quirky and to ponder peculiar prose!

Spike Milligan was prolifically nonsensical and left us with classics like the Ning Nang Nong, which somehow appealed to our sense of fun. I never tire of the old Maxwell Smart reruns, laughing heartily at the antics of the eccentric Agent 86! And Tommy Cooper (if you’re old enough to remember) was altogether a unique individual who was a master of the absurd.

Cooper: ‘Can you give me something for wind?’

Doctor: ‘Here’s a kite. Go and fly it.’

Appealing to children’s ‘sense of the silly’ is a useful way to help young ones explore the topic of bullying in a fun way.

 

The poem below is one I have used to show students how humour can offset the debilitating and hurtful effects of bullying. It is a teaching tool to:

·      Introduce the topic i.e. what does it (bullying) look like, sound like and act like?

·      Why do others do this?

·      What can we do about it (explore all options)

Perhaps you can try this with my poem ‘You Are Dumb!’ and see how you go.

You are dumb!

You are dumb

She said to me

So I said

Dumb, diddly

Dumb dumpty dee!

You are stupid

They said to me

So I said

Stupid dupid

Fiddly Fee!

You are a nerd

He said to me

So I said

Nerd niddly nerd

niddly nerd nernee!

You smell

They said to me

So I said

Smell jelly smelly

Smell stinky pee!

My friend Max

She said to me

You are my pal

Cuddly dee dee

Cuddly cuddly dee!

For whatever reason people can behave unkindly and this is to be expected for life is unfair. Whilst we would like everyone in the world to be respectful and kind we can learn to accept that this cannot be so and we can practice Unconditionally Accepting Ourselves (and others).

The poems message is that not everyone is mean, you are ok anyway and how people view you does not in the end define you!

Six Year Old Max Feels Anxious

Little Max is a 6-year-old boy whose teacher has referred him to the school counsellor. His teacher is concerned that he seems agitated a lot of the time especially when other kids are not 'being good.’  When the teacher appears to be angry his concern is heightened. Max’s anxiety is stopping him from engaging in his learning and it is effecting his overall school experience in a negative way.

Is that the way ‘he is’, his nature and he can’t do much about his natural tendency to experience anxiety a lot of the time? What is driving this extreme emotional discomfort and what can be done about it?

He may have inherited a genetic predisposition towards anxiety and it may be a characteristic of other family members to a lesser or greater extent.  He will also have ‘learned’ how to feel anxious, he may have been taught how to feel this way.

As a counsellor I want to know what core philosophical beliefs has Max constructed that drive his anxiety, what does he believe? Where do we start?

The teacher is on the ball and has raised her concerns about Max and the next step is for me to have a chat with he young person. It turns out that Max is a high achiever and wants to do well. He wants his teacher to think well of him and he feels upset when ‘bad’ kids ‘make’ her angry.

What have I learned that could possibly cause Max’s anxious demeanour?

·      He really must get 10 out of 10 and feels bad when he doesn’t

·      Kids can ‘be bad’ or ‘good’

·      He can be ‘bad’ or ‘good’

·      He can ‘make’ the teacher angry

·      Kids can ‘make’ the teacher angry

According to Rational Emotive Education Theory Max is making himself unhealthily anxious. He does this because he has constructed unhealthy core beliefs such as:

·      Other people and events ‘make me’ mad/anxious/angry.

·      I must get 10 out of 10 or I’m hopeless

·      I ‘am’ bad when I ‘do’ bad and good when I ‘do’ good

·      Others ‘are’ bad when they ‘do’ bad and ‘good’ when they ‘do’ good

Max could do with some help to challenge and change these unhealthy, irrational core beliefs.

Max is a character in the popular early childhood Rational Emotive Behaviour Education resource ‘Have a Go Spaghettio!’ You will find many useful strategies in this program to help Max feel and act in helpful ways in the longer term.

What is Rational Emotive Behaviour Education (REBE)?

REBE stands for Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. It is based on Dr. Albert Ellis' REBT, Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. Ellis formulated his unique and revolutionary method of counselling/psychotherapy over his lifetime, using his own experiences of personal fears and anxieties to formulate a philosophy of counselling that has stood the test of time.  Ellis was regarded among his contemporaries to be the most significant psychologist of the 20th Century influencing the work of many like; William Glasser, Aaron Beck and Martin Seligman to name a few. Positive psychology is a relatively modern term but the original positive psychologist in my opinion was Albert Ellis who supported many other psychologists and writers with his time and intellect. Dr Ellis supported me and my work for many years and this has helped me to formulate a blueprint for implementing REBE in schools, across the curriculum. The REBE approach is whole school, school friendly and educative. It promotes and reinforces the 7 General Capabilities described in the new Australian Curriculum and replaces the tired and damaging behaviour management system we have struggled to replace over recent years. We have been quick to tell students that their behavioural choices are their own but we haven't I believe effectively taught students how their CONSTRUCTED VIEW of THEMSELVES, OTHERS and the WORLD, their personal philosophies, drive their behaviours and emotions. This is where REBE fills that breach, a system based on constructivist theory designed to educate and not to punish. We have recently hosted Dr Martin Seligman of positive psychology fame as the 'Thinker in Residence.' Many ideas he expounds can be found in the REBE philosophy. It is humbling to know that the greatest (in my view and many others) psychologist of last century knew of and supported efforts to establish REBE in schools in South Australia. Who would have thought that good old Whyalla in country South Australia would be at the forefront of such innovative practice!

https://www.facebook.com/TheAlbertEllisProfessionalLearningCentre

Albert Ellis Centre Opening - Australian Education Union Bulletin Article

Australian Education Union (SA Branch) | Volume 44 - No. 3

Follow this link to read about the Grand Opening of The Albert Ellis Professional Learning Centre, pages 6 and 7. REBTOZ thanks the Australian Education Union for supporting our efforts at Stuart High School to teach students how to develop unconditional self acceptance through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education.

Positive mental health promotion across all curriculum areas is our aim - behaviour education not behaviour management!

Was Little Jack Horner a Good Boy?

Little Jack Horner suffered from extreme self esteem sickness. According to the nursery rhyme Jack believed he was a good boy because he achieved something.

Little Jack Horner

Sat in a corner 

Eating a Christmas pie

He put in his thumb

And pulled out a plum

And said, 'what a good boy am I.'

When he did good he was good and presumably when he didn't do so well he believed he was bad. This is called conditional self acceptance, the belief that personal worth is tethered to how others esteem us or how well we do at things. Jack could be a victim of Severe Approval Dependence (SAD) and experience life as a series of highs and lows according to how others view him or how well or badly he performs at tasks. We will not as humans always succeed at doing well at tasks and we will inevitably at times fall short of our goals. We may not win the respect and affection of significant others on lifes journey either. What we can do is cutivate unconditional self acceptance in ourselves and teach our children that they can make mistakes but that does not make them mistakes ('I can fail but I'm never a failure'). We can also learn to believe that though we may desire the approval of others we don't need it. We can learn to approve of ourselves ('I can be rejected/criticised by others but I'm never a reject myself') thereby lessening the hurt we may experience when things go awry.

Jack worked hard and practiced taking healthy risks and discovered in time that when he didn't quite achieve what he wanted to achieve or others weren't as approving or courteous towards him as perhaps they could be that the world didn't end. He developed the view that no matter what he was always worthwhile, unconditionally because he existed and that was that!

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner

Reflecting on the day

'I stuffed up once

I mucked up twice
But I am always OK!'

Teach this to your students.

The Albert Ellis Professional Learning Centre Grand Opening - A World First!

The Albert Ellis Professional Learning Centre was officially opened at Stuart High School, Whyalla SA on Monday 30/4/12. Ian May Assistant Regional Director, Lord Mayor Pollock, Anne Beinke (AEU) and other invited guests from the local and regional communities attended.

Special guest Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis, wife of Dr Albert Ellis creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, came from New York to open the Centre.

Centre founder, Senior Leader/counsellor Giulio Bortolozzo had a long association with the late Dr Albert Ellis, the creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT). Acknowledged as the grandfather of cognitive behaviour therapy and a giant in the field of psychology, his ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance has been used for decades around the world by mental health practitioners to help people with their behavioural and emotional disturbances.

Dr Albert Ellis declared early in his illustrious career that:

‘I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system. We need to teach every child how to rarely seriously disturb himself or herself and how to overcome disturbance when it occurs.’

The Albert Ellis Centre is dedicated to providing educators; counsellors and allied professionals REBT based training and development. A particular focus is the application of REBT in the educational context, Rational Emotive Behaviour Education. This is the application of REBT principles and practices across the whole school designed to help students understand how their thinking feeling and behaviour are interconnected. They are taught that events of themselves don’t cause their emotional and behavioural upset but rather it is their constructed view (philosophical beliefs) of themselves, the world and others that do. This insight, taught consistently across all year levels is educative and preventative practice. This supports the counsellor who uses the ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance, which has been introduced to the students through Rational Emotive Behaviour Education Curriculum.

Special guest Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis promotes REBT/REBE across the globe and enthuses that this the first Centre of its type in the world and would have the full endorsement of her late husband, Dr Albert Ellis. She said in a recent interview on Southern Cross TV News that she was overjoyed that this facility has been established to help people, especially younger ones to address emotional and behavioural suffering like anxiety, depression and anger.

Stuart High School Principal Veronica Conley has supported this project from its inception and Centre manager Giulio Bortolozzo has valued her strong and determined support. Ms Conley agrees that it is important to share best practice with other schools and educators in the promotion of positive student mental health across all curriculum areas.

The Centre has an Outreach Program for schools which may require on-site support to establish the REBE curriculum at their school.

The Centre is located at Stuart High School in Whyalla, South Australia. Many students present with a range of behavioural and emotional needs and school staff is dedicated to supporting them in achieving personal and academic success. This Centre is yet another innovative way in which our students are supported and which is available as a wider community resource. Anne Beinke, AEU representative (Australian Education Union) comments:

‘The new centre is a really great opportunity for the school to showcase the innovative programs they are using to help their students to reach their potential as well as helping to educate others about Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy.’

Whole day workshops are available to educators, counsellors and allied professionals.

May 21^st Rational Emotive Behaviour Education and Bullying – what the research says and what to do about it in schools with Dr Ken Rigby

June 6^th Rational Emotive Behaviour Education for Early Childhood Educators and counsellors.

June 20^th Rational Emotive Behaviour Education for Primary and Secondary Educators and counsellors.

Interested? Contact Giulio via this blog or on 0412668815

The Albert Ellis Professional Learning Facebook Page

Rational Emotive Behaviour Education: student with anxiety - session 3

The student continues to explore the idea that events don’t cause our extreme ill feelings but rather it is our interpretation or thinking about them that does. The belief we are worthwhile only when others do is an errant philosophical view and our student is beginning to realize that his unrealistic demand that others MUST like him to be likeable is doing him a disservice.

In the counsellors office

Counsellor:   You say that you feel anxious when you think you have ‘offended’ someone. Is that fair to say?

Student:  Yes I want people to be happy. I hate it when they feel bad because of me.

Counsellor:  It would appear that you believe you are responsible for how others feel. You say you ‘made him upset.’ Would that also mean that you believe others ‘make you upset?’

Student:  Yes. People can make me upset and I can upset others.

Counsellor:   I want to talk about a ‘must’ rule that people make over time. It is a rule that is not a helpful one to have.

Student:  What do you mean? Do I have a must rule? I don’t think I do.

Counsellor:   What do you think about the rule ‘people must like me or I’m no good?’

Student:  I’m not sure what you mean. Where does this rule come from?

Counsellor:  Ok instead of using the word ’rule’ replace it with ‘belief.’  Say ‘I believe I’m ok only when people think I am.’ (Student repeats statement). A belief is a strongly held view about something that we believe is true.

Student:  Why do I believe this? Where does it come from?

Counsellor:   You have learned this from an early age. You have learned that you are only ‘good’ if others think you are ‘good.’ When someone disapproves of aspects of your personality or something you do you don’t just feel disappointed you feel really anxious and sad. Someone or something is not ‘making’ you anxious but your ‘thinking rule’ your ‘must belief’ is!

Student:  Do you mean that my belief that that kid I was talking about ‘must like me and think I am a good person’ is what is causing my anxiety?

Counsellor: Yes exactly! Your belief (that you believe is true) is making you anxious because you don’t get what you must have and that it is really awful that you don’t. You think you need the acceptance of others to be worthwhile!

Student:  Isn’t it normal to want other people to like me? I try very hard to be liked.

Counsellor:  We may want to be liked and admired by others but really needing others’ attention and admiration to ‘make’ us feel worthwhile and accepted is an unhealthy MUST rule. That is ‘people must like us for us to feel good about ourselves.’

Student:  Ok I am getting the hang of this. Other people who might disapprove of my behaviour don’t cause my anxiety but my must belief does. I think ‘he must think I am a good person.’ Is that right?

Counsellor: Yes, well done. Not only must he approve of you but it is so awful that you can’t stand it when he doesn’t!  You must get what you want and when you don’t you feel highly anxious and very unhappy.  You will maintain your anxiety as long as you believe your MUST belief/rule.

Student:  How do I change my unhelpful rule? How can I learn to manage my extreme worry?

Counsellor: The antidote to ‘I must have the approval of others for me to feel OK’ is Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA). It means ‘I accept myself, warts and all even when I stuff up, even when someone disapproves of me in some way!’ This is a healthy rule/belief because you remain in control. You remain healthily concerned but not so anxious that you can’t focus on your work.

Student:  So when someone thinks I have done something bad I’m not bad, is that what you are saying? 

Counsellor:  Yes you are always worthwhile no matter what, even when you screw up or someone rejects you. When you asked someone if they had a problem and he mistook what you said and showed annoyance towards you it did not in any way take away your value. You are only worthless if you believe you are and you believe you are when you believe ‘I MUST have the approval of others to be worthwhile.’

Student:  I get what you mean.

Counsellor:  Practice believing ‘I prefer others to approve of me but they don’t have to. I accept myself no matter what. I can handle this.’

Student:  I’ll do that. Thanks.

There will be follow up sessions for our hopefully less anxiety prone student but he has gained a certain degree of insight into why he has felt as anxious as he has in the past.