REBTOZ

  Written by a past member of Approvalists Anonymous (AA) , a support group for those who are at risk of becoming ‘love slobs.’ An REBT perspective (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) on this debilitating psychological impediment to happiness and success. ‘I need to be needed. (Oh no you don’t!)’ ‘It’s been two weeks since I sat and stewed about how an insignificant other esteems me,’ proclaimed the primary school teacher to the others in the group. Everyone nodded their approval of the reforming approvalist before them, and their fortitude grew as the teacher expounded their newfound belief; ‘what I think of me is more important than how you might assess my personhood.’ ‘Bravo!’ They exclaimed in unison as the AA member added, ‘what you think of me is none of my business!’ As the AA member emerged from the meeting into the cool autumn night, they thought, ‘I approve of me, and I’m OK no matter what!’ To break a habit of a lifetime is no easy task. There are a few step...

Flowery language is: ‘designed to have a persuasive or impressive effect, but which is often regarded as lacking in sincerity or meaningful content .’ Dr. Albert Ellis was an efficient person by all accounts and was careful to say what he meant in his writing without employing unnecessary hyperbole or using grandiose and convoluted ways to impress his audience. He didn’t need to nor did he want to. Einstein said if you can’t explain something in simple terms you may not understand it. He encouraged people to: “Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.” This is not as easy as it sounds and requires effort and consideration. Schmaltz is another term that comes to mind to describe language used to ingratiate oneself with others; to over empathise. Sentimentality overload! What can be the purpose of these flowery utterances in an REBT sense? What would Dr. Ellis make of those inclined to fawn over and to flatter others excessively? At which point does the message b...

My name’s Brain Bully and you most probably don’t know me and that’s a problem for you. Why? Because I am a major player in how you might feel about yourself, others and the world in general. The extreme negative emotions you may experience are always accompanied by an action or actions, which contrive against you. Yes I’m Brain Bully and I really can ‘do your head in!’ You might ask yourself at times ‘why did I do that? Or ‘why do I feel so angry when things don’t go my way?’ These questions largely go unanswered because you don’t know about me and you won’t know unless you find out. Some find out by reading and talking to others about how they might feel about things and an attentive ear may pick up on little snippets of tell-tale signs that I am somewhere lurking deep within you. This insight can be the beginning of a self-help journey that may in time purge your mind of me, an alien menace that resides in your deep and dark subconscious self. But it isn’t exactly accurate to sugge...