REBTOZ

This is a summary of what we are doing at a school where I work, Para Hills School P-7 in South Australia. We have established a system of behaviour education that challenges the philosophical view that ‘IT’ makes me/you/us angry/sad/anxious. IT is anything and everything that occurs or exists that we are challenged to deal with in general e.g. coming to school, doing hard stuff, challenging behaviour of others etc. Through REBE (Rational Emotive Behaviour education) we want students (us) to understand that: We don’t/can’t always achieve our wants, goals and desires and when we don’t we are not failures. We may review, reset our goals or indeed discard them. It is rational (self-helpful) to pursue healthy (socially responsible/acceptable) goals and not give up on our dreams and desires to be happy/successful maintaining hope and optimism We may desire, prefer and want all significant others to like/admire/respect us but they don’t have to. We may want this but in the...

'I cant stand it when people don't acknowledge me when I wave to them!' says the TV celebrity. 'I can't stand rude people. They make me so angry!' So exclaimed well known celebrity X on a popular morning show. What is she declaring when speaking so? What shoulds oughts and musts are implied in this statement? Rational Emotive Behaviour Counsellors would, as Albert Ellis put it, 'cherchez le shoulds' in the counselling discourse. What 'thinking rules' underscore her tendency to judge another's personhood (they are rude!) based on a particular disagreeable act? Why would such a behaviour be so disagreeable that she couldn't stand it? What is making her so mad? Irrational Perspective 1. A person can act badly but does this make her totally bad? If someone acts rudely is she a rude person? Thinking rule: She should acknowledge me ! (No she shouldn't) 2. Why can't she tolerate what is a relatively minor inconvenience....

Have you heard a child, colleague (yourself!) use expressions such as she made me angry, if only the weather were better, I can’t stand it when things don’t go my way? These kind of self-talk statements indicate an underlying belief system which precipitates feelings and behaviours that are not self-helpful and may also be harmful to others. For those of us who believe that the way we feel and behave is dictated by factors external to ourselves this will challenge that view and hopefully provide some food for thought! A long time ago (100 AD) a person called Epictetus developed his philosophy about life. The legacy of his wisdom sits at the core of personal development programs for students, teachers and parents being implemented in school communities across the land. His message across the ages to us is this, “We are troubled not by things, but by the view we take of them.” Epictetus was one of many wise folk, collectively called the stoic philosophers. Their advice and g...

People will sometimes present with the ‘people treat me like a doormat’ syndrome. Doormats are used to wipe dirt from the soles of shoes. Not a very attractive analogy but this image of self, engenders strong feelings of anger and sadness in the sufferer. The client will talk of feeling angry towards the other (s), of extreme sadness because of feeling ‘not wanted.’ Why is this the case? What can she do? Talking to a trusted other is always a good start as she acknowledges that she doesn’t feel OK and wants to feel better but this is only the beginning of her journey of healing. As counsellor I am interested in her story her. What are the significant events in her life and what hurdles have been placed before her and how did she deal with those challenges? It will become evident as her story unfolds that she has developed some destructive, self-defeating personal philosophies (habits of believing) that she is not aware of at this point. My job is to help her become awar...