REBTOZ

Have a Go Spaghettio! is a program I wrote several years ago. It is based on Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy of Dr. Albert Ellis fame. I sent the draft to him not expecting a response but lo and behold he did reply! This is what he said: “I read your presentation on ‘Have a Go Spaghettio!’ a resilience building program for young learners. It seems to hit the spot and be excellent for your young audience.” I was well chuffed of course and I remain very thankful that he saw fit to take the time as he did to write back to me. A very generous gesture I thought which continues to inspire me in my work as a counsellor in schools here in South Australia. The program has been well received in the early childhood teaching community as it presents key ideas of REBT to young learners in a fun way. It acquaints young learners to the idea that their individual thinking constructions impacts their ability to manage themselves effectively in daily life emotionally and behaviourally. T...

The student continues to explore the idea that events don’t cause our extreme ill feelings but rather it is our interpretation or thinking about them that does. The belief we are worthwhile only when others do is an errant philosophical view and our student is beginning to realise that his unrealistic demand that others MUST like him to be likeable is doing him a disservice. In the counselling office in a school in South Australia Counsellor:    You say that you feel anxious when you think you have ‘offended’ someone. Is that fair to say? Student:   Yes I want people to be happy. I hate it when they feel bad because of me. Counsellor:   It would appear that you believe you are responsible for how others feel. You say you ‘made him upset.’ Would that also mean that you believe others ‘make you upset?’ Student:   Yes. People can make me upset and I can upset others. Counsellor:    I want to talk about a ‘must’ rule that people m...

There’s two students in the yard (kids 1 and 2). They’re playing one on one basketball.  A game of one on one Another person (3) approaches and asks to join in. He’s told as it’s a one on one game so another player isn’t needed. He waits a while and moves on. Another child comes by (4) and asks the same question and the basketball players say it’s a one on one and another player is not required. This is said respectfully and assertively to the third person. The news is not received well. This student (4) goes into a rage and throws their basketball away which ultimately comes to the notice of the teacher on yard duty. Student 4 is asked to sit out and is talked to for his behaviour. Something happened in the lives of Kid 3 and Kid 4. They were both declined their request to join in the basketball game with 1 and 2. This is called the activating event, situation A. So A = they didn’t let me join in. Person 3 Felt OK about this. It (A) probably rated a 2 on the e...

What is a  Bonsai  child  ? It's a new term to describe the child who has been over tended to, fussed over and over supervised. When something happens at school an  enquiry  is needed to get to the bottom of 'why Isabella fell out with her friend and what did the school do about it as she is such a  sensitive  child!' Is Isabella temporarily sad or is she depressed. Could be either but it's important to know the difference.  Clinical psychologist and researcher Judith Locke writes in her book The Bonsai Child  "A sense of melancholy is labelled depression; any trepidation is labelled anxiety. A friendship fight is bullying." The Bonsai Child  is her term for children who are over-nurtured. Michael  Carr-Gregg talks about  marshmallow kids  a generation of children who are afraid to fail. Do they experience healthy disappointment when they don't achieve their goals and wants or do they feel unhealthily de...

On the 24 th July eight years ago Albert Ellis died but his work lives on. He would have been encouraged to know that schools have taken up the challenge he set many years ago; teach children how to make themselves less ‘disturbable’. Rational Emotive Behaviour Education is doing this is many South Australian schools with positive outcomes. Teachers have been trained in the understanding and application of Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance and they are helping their students to understand that their habits of thinking are linked to how they act and how they feel. Gone but not forgotten This insight empowers the child to monitor and assess how she is feeling and how she is estimating (thinking about/interpreting) the situation at hand. How am I feeling? Is this situation as bad as I think it is? I can reassess this situation so that I remain in control and make OK choices. Rational Emotive Behaviour Educators (REBE’rs) remind students daily that their ...

“Schools provide a convenient location to deliver emotional health prevention programs for children. Whilst there are a number of school based programs, few have been scientifically evaluated to determine what effect they have on children’s emotional health,” said lead author Professor Paul Stallard, of the University of Bath’s Department for Health. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) has been shown to greatly reduce anxiety levels in schoolchildren ages nine to 10 years old, according to new research from Oxford University. Researchers believe that this therapy would benefit all children, regardless of their anxiety levels." http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/07/20/cbt-in-elementary-school-curriculum-lowers-childrens-anxiety-levels/72685.html The above extract from a PsychCentral article of July last year reinforces the work of schools in well being promotion based on CBT. Many schools in South Australia are applying Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) principles i...

A young student entered my office sobbing, inconsolable. Her buddy from another class who usually works with her, chose to work with someone else. This was a major disappointment, catastrophic even and as the tears subsided and she composed herself she began to tell me her story. As I listened I was again reminded of the danger of relying on another's  acceptance and approval to affirm ones worth.  I attempted to help Sofia put into perspective the 'badness' of the situation and talked about other issues or problems that could possibly have been worse. One example we discussed was how a broken leg might be worse than the situation outlined above. After a moments consideration Sofia said the following before she again burst into tears: 'A broken leg isn't as bad as a broken heart and she broke my heart!' When Sofia said that 'She broke my heart' she is applying an A=C philosophy i.e. she didn't choose to do what I wanted her to d...

I was doing my rounds at school the other day. A young student (7 years old) had a waste paper bin over his  head. This sounds a bit like the intro of a joke (I went to the doctor the other day...). Anyway I spoke to the student and he told me he did this because 'I'm rubbish and that's where I belong.' On other occasions he had said to me that he was bad/naughty. This kind of talk would suggest to me (as a Rational Emotive Behaviour Educator) that the child has constructed a view of himself that is irrational and therefore self defeating. Somehow he has concluded that he has no worth ('I'm rubbish') which is reflected in his poor behaviour and in the tears he shed's when we talk about this.  So how do we help this sad (depressed?) young person mend his breaking (broken?) spirit?  Albert Ellis said 'the future of psychology and psychotherapy is in the school system' but 'the future' is yet to arrive it would seem. Educati...

Inevitably failure and rejection are part and parcel of our experience. It is very energy sapping to protect our children from every vagary of human existence. Such vigilance also denies our children the opportunity to deal with disappointment and build their own resilience to tough situations. Children need our support and guidance but they also have to learn to stand on their own two feet and protecting them from the reality of rejection and failure does them no favours. "We have to give them self- esteem so that they feel good about themselves,' so has been the wisdom of the recent educational past. What is self esteem and how can you give it to someone? Albert Ellis who passed away five years ago this week said: 'Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional.'   He was on to something here, people learning to esteem themselves according to how others viewed them or how well they did at tasks was the order of the day....

The purpose of his post is to compare and contrast the contradictory philosophies, which underpin the practices and processes used in schools to address student behaviour. Traditionally we have had a one-size fits all approach where student behaviour is managed and controlled by the adult characterized by language like ‘warnings, steps, detention, suspension and exclusion.’  Using our authority to punish might get students to comply and fear us but it doesn’t help them to gain insight into why they respond as they do emotionally and behaviourally to daily challenges in life. This approach contradicts constructivist theory on which all teachers’ work is based. Why do we base our teaching on constructivist theory for the subjects we teach and then use a system of behaviour management that ignores the developmental needs of the child? Why are we using two models for learning at the same time in the same context, one inclusive an the other not? Enter Rational Emotive Behavio...

Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) is a habit of thinking that the resilient person has constructed over a lifetime. It is deeply held and is reflected in the behaviour and demeanor of the individual. You will observe the self-accepting person try new things readily, not being overly concerned about the prospect of failure, as she knows failing doesn’t equate with ‘being’ a failure. You will notice a self accepting person experience rejection philosophically, again understanding rejection or disapproval of others doesn’t render her a ‘reject’. USA affords the individual a degree of ‘psychological immunity’ to adversity. We all experience rejection, failure and challenges and it is the resilient person who is better placed to deal with these in a healthy way. Dr. Albert Ellis , creator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, encourages us to help our younger people to develop the capacity to ride the hard knocks successfully, to work through problems, to hang tough and believe that thin...

Dr Ellis’ latest work is a book called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy . Co authored by his wife Dr Debbie Joffe Ellis, it is part of the Theories of Psychotherapy Series , edited by Jon Carlson and Matt Englar-Carlson and published by the American Psychological Association. This gem comes hot on the heels of Dr Ellis' autobiography All Out! which was published in 2010, with contributions by Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis. Ellis created REBT and developed it, promoted it and practiced it until his death in 2007. REBT is often said to be an offshoot or subsidiary of CBT but as this publication reminds us, REBT is the original cognitive therapy. Indeed Ellis is regarded as the father of REBT and the grandfather of CBT by those in the know. Dr. Ellis’ motivation was to provide useful information to the general public on issues relating to mental health, offer a model (ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance) that could explain why people feel and behave as they do and suggest strategies...

Thanks to Dr. Albert Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance we have helped Sofia understand the relationship between thinking, feeling and behaving. She understands that beliefs like, ‘someone I like should like me,’ ‘I need her approval to be worthwhile,’ ‘I am worthless,’ are self defeating because they cause undue sadness, anger and depression, which get in the way of her achieving her goals. These beliefs can be challenged and disproved with evidence. Dr. Ellis invites us to ‘cherchez le should, cherchez le must’ as we did with Sofia. We determined that Sofia’s sadness and anxiety was caused by her ‘shoulding’ i.e. ‘she should like me. I should get what I want.’ We challenged these self-defeating shoulds and replaced them with self – helpful ‘preferences’ i.e. ‘I would prefer to get what I want but I accept this will not always be so.’ Let’s look at the components of Sofia’s journey so far according to Ellis’ ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance. A= Activating event (the issue,...

Constructivist theory says we learn to behave according to what we observe going on around us. Our models of behaviour show us how to get what we want, how to respond to situations and how we can interact with others. If these models are helpful they will teach us that we can wait for things if we have to, that we can respect others (even when we don’t wish to associate with them) and we can remain confident even when we fail at something or suffer the rejection of others. If we live amongst such role models we will internalize (construct) some very useful ‘rules for living.’ Conversely if those around us show low frustration tolerance, who may get what they want through aggression and who take failure and rejection to heart then we are likely to internalise a different set of ‘rules for living.’ Such habits of thinking and behaving (helpful or unhelpful) will determine how successful or not we may be in achieving our goals in life. According to Dr Albert Ellis we can deconstruct those...

Another workshop is scheduled for September due to the very positive response of participants to the April workshop held at the Education Development Centre in Hindmarsh. People from various organisations attended and reported a strong satisfaction in the balance of theory and practical application of REBT. The group responded very positively to Dr. Debbie Joffe Ellis' demonstration of REBT using volunteers from the audience. People witnessed the very skillful way that Dr. Debbie listened reflectfully to her client, identified the core issues of concern and quickly honed in on the self defeating philosophical beliefs that were causing her clients emotional and behavioural problems. Her demonstration clearly illustrated the efficiency of Dr Albert Ellis' ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance when applied skillfully and firmly. Participants witnessed how the client volunteer was encouraged to identify and confront the underlying irrational beliefs that caused and maintained their ...