Shouldhood and Unsanity

‘Shouldhood' causes upset or increases the intensity of what, Albert

Ellis calls, our ‘upsetness.’ The degree of ‘upsetness’ caused by our

tendency to think in ‘shoulds’ is what Ellis also calls ‘shithood:’

‘shouldhood’ leads to ‘shithood ‘ psychologically speaking.

Sometimes we might ‘should’ and stop and rethink our ‘shoulding’

reminding ourselves that to demand we should get something we

can’t get is futile. So, we recalibrate, shift our thinking to a more

logical, rational posture.

However, if we indulge in ‘should’ thinking on a more permanent

basis, where we continue to demand that things should, absolutely

be as we demand they should be, then ‘shithood’ is where we end up

until we understand how thinking effects how we feel and behave.

The world is no good, others are no good and/or you are no good

equals ‘SHITHOOD!”

‘Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.’ Shakespeare (Hamlet)

The Have a Go Spaghettio! approach to social and emotional

learning teaches early childhood constructivists that they can build

and cultivate rational habits of thinking or what Have a Go

Spaghettio! calls Success Helper or Brain Friend thinking. Students

are taught about the Think – feel – do connection, that helpful, Brain

Friend thinking makes Brain Friend feelings and behaviours.

Brain Bully thinking is characterised by should/ought/must thinking

that causes Brain Bully feelings and behaviours. Some examples of

BB thinking:

- You must like me or I’m worthless!

- I must always do well or I’m a failure!

- The world should give me what I want or it’s not fair!

Have a Go Spaghettio! Is based on Rational Emotive Behaviour

Therapy and General Semantics theories that say one cannot be what

we think we should be according to others to be an OK person.

Relying on others approval is a Brain Bully construct (I should be as

others say I should be – good, smart, cute, dumb etc)

Alfred Korzybski, creator of General Semantics theory, talks about

sanity and ‘unsanity.’ Brain Bully thinking causes ‘unsanity’ where

the person resides psychologically until they identify, challenge, and

change their beliefs to more sane, rational, Brain Friend beliefs. I

think the state of ‘unsanity’ is Albert Ellis’ condition of ‘shouldhood’

both characterised by irrational, Brain Bully beliefs. Unsanity,

shouldhood leads to shithood!

So, Have a Go Spaghettio! will help young learners avoid the

ravages of ‘shoudlhood’ if they learn about Brain Friend, Success

Helper ways of thinking and if they arrive in ‘shithood’ at times they

will know they are there and why and will be able to extricate

themselves and manage adversity in a reasonable, Brain Friend

thinking way!

Give a try Banana Pie!

Grieving the Loss of Self When Narcissistic Feed Dries Up

Professor Sam Vaknin is an authority on narcissistic personality disorder. His videos are informative and well communicated which helped my understanding of this condition. A narcissists 'feed' dries up when the supply of others adulation and affirmation withers and stops. A crisis ensues when the narcissist realises that incoming approval has diminished and their idealised self is under attack. The contrived and carefully constructed 'self' is no longer acknowledged and valued by external sources. They cease 'to be' because the sources feeding their self sees through the narcissists grandiose and phony veneer. The self they have concocted and which demands the positive regard and affirmation of those they have trained to adore them, is but an irrational virtual representation of the real world. There's a disparity between the narcissists version of reality and how things really are, projecting a world of fantasy replayed on a loop inside their heads, feedi...

APPROVALISM – the philosophy of the ‘love slob’

An approvalist is one who practices the philosophy of Approvalism. An approvalist lives life for the service of others seemingly without thought for self, ministering to the needs of others, making life ‘better’ for them. A good approvalist needs to do for others and her worth is measured according to how others view her and how helpful she can be to others. Approvalists say ‘yes’ to others demands and requests and are ultra sensitive to the needs of others (they must be rescued and saved). If they don’t perform to their own lofty expectations or (quelle catastrophe!) others don’t seem to value them (as they should) then they tend to harshly judge themselves as being ‘bad’ and may down themselves harshly! They will think, ‘I should have known that he needed support. I should have been there. I should have done better. I am a loser. It’s my fault he is in such a mess.’ They may also experience deep anger and direct it towards those ‘who do not appreciate me, after all shouldn’t they ...

Positive Psychology and Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy

The ABC Theory of Emotional Disturbance illustrates how feelings and behaviour at C are determined by what happens at A and B i.e. what we believe (B) about what happens (A). This is an A+B=C philosophy. What happens when our constructed view of ourselves equates to an A=C way of believing e.g. failing at A makes me feel depressed at C and causes me to give up. An A=C philosophy ‘If I fail at A I feel really bad at C 'it' (A) makes me angry and sad’ is problematic for our less resilient kids because they are unaware that constructed beliefs at B have a lot to do with it!  A is what happens e.g. 'someone has rejected me!' and C is how I feel and act in response to A e.g. 'I feel really sad because she has rejected me so I stay at home etc' The depth of despair and how long it lasts will depend on how self accepting the person is. If a child ‘needs’ the approval of others he/she is at risk of depression, anger, anxiety because...

Anonymous10 September 2025 at 10:13
Hi, Julie. I like the philosophy that you’re putting here; I think if people adopt it, they can help themselves significantly. For many, however,, the work required to make this shift seems more difficult than they can manage. With good support, though, they can make the shift and feel so much better afterwards.
rebtoz11 September 2025 at 08:33
Thanks for your comments. Yes knowing what to do and then doggedly working away to change irrational Brain Bully habits of thinking so they are less dominant or eradicated, replaced with more rational, Brain Friend thinking is a challenge. That's why its important to get in early with young constructivists at school. Have a Go Spagehttio! will help. Give it a try banana pie! Thanks again. Giulio

REBTOZ

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